Broken Dahlia
Silver Member
Hello everyone, haven't been here in a while. I broke my knee and had to have surgery in late January; I am in a wheelchair now and go to physical therapy three times a week. Obviously I am more helpless and dependent than normal and it has been hard on everyone.
My much younger sister came to stay and help me as she is the only person neither working or going to school, but last week she bailed when I asked her to stop staying up all night and sleeping all day. I was angry, and in my family that is not allowed, so my mother told her she needed a break and to just go home. I was talking about inpatient hospitalization; have been passively suicidal for about 20 years now and have never attempted but wish I had. So, she was sent home because she cried one day, I felt like even more of a monster than I normally do. My parents both came by that day, and my mother let me sob in her arms, after defending my sister's fragile psyche. When she left she said that they both would check on me the next day. I didn't hear from either of them for a couple of days, then my mom wanted to take me shopping. I told her I could use the money for bills rather than clothes right now, and that we owe Speedy Cash $1000 and would rather not borrow more. She asked me how much we needed and I asked if $200 would be too much, she said that was fine. When they stopped by she looked me in the eye and said here is $100. I said thanks. She left to go shopping for the cruise she was taking the next day. The cruise is for mothers of traumatized children. I am confused by their behavior once again- I don't think they would leave anyone else in this situation, but I am only their daughter, after all.
So, still thinking about inpatient since I don't have much support and my new therapist recommended it- I am afraid though, because I am a rape survivor and don't feel safe sleeping in a room with unlocked doors and strangers around me. Anyone have good experiences inpatient? Could you leave when you were ready, or were you stuck there? Did you feel safe? Thank you for any replies.
My much younger sister came to stay and help me as she is the only person neither working or going to school, but last week she bailed when I asked her to stop staying up all night and sleeping all day. I was angry, and in my family that is not allowed, so my mother told her she needed a break and to just go home. I was talking about inpatient hospitalization; have been passively suicidal for about 20 years now and have never attempted but wish I had. So, she was sent home because she cried one day, I felt like even more of a monster than I normally do. My parents both came by that day, and my mother let me sob in her arms, after defending my sister's fragile psyche. When she left she said that they both would check on me the next day. I didn't hear from either of them for a couple of days, then my mom wanted to take me shopping. I told her I could use the money for bills rather than clothes right now, and that we owe Speedy Cash $1000 and would rather not borrow more. She asked me how much we needed and I asked if $200 would be too much, she said that was fine. When they stopped by she looked me in the eye and said here is $100. I said thanks. She left to go shopping for the cruise she was taking the next day. The cruise is for mothers of traumatized children. I am confused by their behavior once again- I don't think they would leave anyone else in this situation, but I am only their daughter, after all.
So, still thinking about inpatient since I don't have much support and my new therapist recommended it- I am afraid though, because I am a rape survivor and don't feel safe sleeping in a room with unlocked doors and strangers around me. Anyone have good experiences inpatient? Could you leave when you were ready, or were you stuck there? Did you feel safe? Thank you for any replies.
