I'm a new user here. I don't know where else to turn too, my support system isn't exactly the greatest. I have people that care about me and love me, but none who actually understand what it's like...
About 8 years ago I started dating a guy, I was 16 and he was 24 at the time. We dated for a couple months before I became pregnant with my daughter. (She turns 7 years old in July). He became very verbally abusive towards me when I was pregnant. Saying nobody would ever love me because I was going to have a kid, call me every swear word you can think of, lock me in the bedroom for hours, destroyed the phone so I couldn't talk to my family anymore. I ended up leaving when my daughter was about a month old and went to stay with my family. After that, he started taking medication for bipolar and it seemed to stabilise him incredibly. We ended up getting back together for a few months before it happened. My daughter at the time was 6 months old. I had just recently found out I was pregnant again, roughly about 6 weeks or so. After a night of his heavy drinking, we ended up getting into an argument downtown in an ally. I told him I was going home and I didn't want to be with him anymore. He then grabbed my hair and smashed my head against a brick wall, to which I immediately fell backwards hitting my head on the pavement. He repeatedly punched me in stomach. Screaming at me that nobody would ever want to be with me after what he was going to do. I ended up escaping, and got help from a stranger. Needless to say, I lost the baby, suffered a severe concussion that lasted over 2 months, and a pinched nerve in my lower back that still causes me grief to this day.
After the police were called, I got a restraining order against him. He joined a white supremacy gang, and would call me to leave threatening messages, saying if him or his gang members would ever see me or my daughter in public he would have us killed. He said he disowned his daughter because shes not fully white. He said he would burn our house down while we were sleeping. I was too afraid to call the police because he knew where I lived, and thought that would push him into doing something more severe. I stopped leaving my house, I would get people to run my errands for me, I couldn't work, I suffered from extreme insomnia, I couldn't function as an average human being because I lived my life in constant fear. That was my life for 2 years. I ended up relocating to a different province, almost 15 hours away to try and start a new life.
He ended up finding out where I lived through a mutual friend at the time, saying he was going to move there too. So I relocated to a different town about an hour away.
Earlier this year he got in contact with me saying he wants to be a part of our daughter's life. Immediately I went to the courts to file for full custody, I had him served. (Unfortunately now he knows where I am located) He never responded to the paperwork, but I just got a letter in the mail yesterday saying I have court next month for custody of our daughter. I don't know if he will show up or not for court, but just that slim chance has triggered something. I have been dating a wonderful man for a while now, and after 3 consecutive miscarriages (not sure if because my ex caused internal damages or something), I am pregnant again (11 weeks currently). Just the thought of seeing my ex and being pregnant again terrifies me.
My PTSD has been acting up really bad since yesterday. I cried uncontrollably for over an hour in bed. I hardly slept last night. When I did pass out for a bit. I had nightmares. I'm constantly on the verge of tears, although trying to keep myself together for my daughter. I just feel so incredibly alone, and empty. I feel hopeless like this will always rule my life. I decided I'm going to relocate again, in case this whole court thing angers my ex and he knows where I currently am.
With all that being said, how do you cope? I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. When I try I usually get a "yeah that sucks." Response, which tends just to make me feel more worse, and even more alone. I guess I just feel like I need to talk to people who can relate.
About 8 years ago I started dating a guy, I was 16 and he was 24 at the time. We dated for a couple months before I became pregnant with my daughter. (She turns 7 years old in July). He became very verbally abusive towards me when I was pregnant. Saying nobody would ever love me because I was going to have a kid, call me every swear word you can think of, lock me in the bedroom for hours, destroyed the phone so I couldn't talk to my family anymore. I ended up leaving when my daughter was about a month old and went to stay with my family. After that, he started taking medication for bipolar and it seemed to stabilise him incredibly. We ended up getting back together for a few months before it happened. My daughter at the time was 6 months old. I had just recently found out I was pregnant again, roughly about 6 weeks or so. After a night of his heavy drinking, we ended up getting into an argument downtown in an ally. I told him I was going home and I didn't want to be with him anymore. He then grabbed my hair and smashed my head against a brick wall, to which I immediately fell backwards hitting my head on the pavement. He repeatedly punched me in stomach. Screaming at me that nobody would ever want to be with me after what he was going to do. I ended up escaping, and got help from a stranger. Needless to say, I lost the baby, suffered a severe concussion that lasted over 2 months, and a pinched nerve in my lower back that still causes me grief to this day.
After the police were called, I got a restraining order against him. He joined a white supremacy gang, and would call me to leave threatening messages, saying if him or his gang members would ever see me or my daughter in public he would have us killed. He said he disowned his daughter because shes not fully white. He said he would burn our house down while we were sleeping. I was too afraid to call the police because he knew where I lived, and thought that would push him into doing something more severe. I stopped leaving my house, I would get people to run my errands for me, I couldn't work, I suffered from extreme insomnia, I couldn't function as an average human being because I lived my life in constant fear. That was my life for 2 years. I ended up relocating to a different province, almost 15 hours away to try and start a new life.
He ended up finding out where I lived through a mutual friend at the time, saying he was going to move there too. So I relocated to a different town about an hour away.
Earlier this year he got in contact with me saying he wants to be a part of our daughter's life. Immediately I went to the courts to file for full custody, I had him served. (Unfortunately now he knows where I am located) He never responded to the paperwork, but I just got a letter in the mail yesterday saying I have court next month for custody of our daughter. I don't know if he will show up or not for court, but just that slim chance has triggered something. I have been dating a wonderful man for a while now, and after 3 consecutive miscarriages (not sure if because my ex caused internal damages or something), I am pregnant again (11 weeks currently). Just the thought of seeing my ex and being pregnant again terrifies me.
My PTSD has been acting up really bad since yesterday. I cried uncontrollably for over an hour in bed. I hardly slept last night. When I did pass out for a bit. I had nightmares. I'm constantly on the verge of tears, although trying to keep myself together for my daughter. I just feel so incredibly alone, and empty. I feel hopeless like this will always rule my life. I decided I'm going to relocate again, in case this whole court thing angers my ex and he knows where I currently am.
With all that being said, how do you cope? I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. When I try I usually get a "yeah that sucks." Response, which tends just to make me feel more worse, and even more alone. I guess I just feel like I need to talk to people who can relate.
