Today, My Husband Messaged Me With This...

[Riot]

Pardon the typos. I'm mobile in the dark. :P

 

[Tinyflame]

Well @Riot just sounds like communication, not ego. You say it's a good marriage therefore good to apply what @FridayJones said plus communication, in your case.

Best wishes to you. :hug:

 

[Riot]

@BlueOrange, you're welcome in my threads any time. I don't see it as derailing.

@Junebug, perhaps both! Haha.

 

[BlueOrange]

It would have been derailing, if I'd given in to the temptation to rant :) If I do rant, I'll start a new thread and call it 'Hope, the subtle poison' or something like that.

 

[Riot]

@BlueOrange, haha, okay. Well if you do please let me know. Don't ever hesitate to talk in my threads though, please. :)

 

[mycrazytrain]

Supporter here, I'll probably say the wrong thing seems that is all I have done lately. Even with many years in our relationship and the understanding I try to continue to build on and struggle with my own feelings of loss in the relationship when things pile up as they can.

As a supporters of someone we love and would walk through the fire with when they are in the isolation phase and how things effect the person you love and how they react in the combination of isolation/flight flight mode, no matter how much we understand we just want the person we still see to be there with us and to not think/believe what we say is anything other than an expression of how much we do miss you and that we want the person we love to come back outside and play with us. Perhaps it is just a wish that something we say that can make ptsd go away so neither one of us would ever have to experience it again. Some times we don't know if anything we say makes sense to anyone but ourselves after we have said it, this may be one of those things.

 

[Riot]

@mycrazytrain, you're alright! No worries. :)

 

[Changing4Best]

I think he sees what you are going through and is trying to tell you that he cares and loves you still. It is a hard message to read though, I agree!

 

[Knak]

I yearn for the day the box will fall away, and I can see my strong and beautiful wife again.

[USER...

I think he short sighted in his attempt to express his feelings, not realizing he put the responsibility on you to change and he won't be happy until it happens. It would make me feel under pressure or mad and want to create distance and seek support elsewhere.
It's good he expressed it but he should have talked to someone else.
He says he understands you are struggling but naive that if/when you overcome it, you will be the same.
You can write him a note and tell him how you felt when you read it, to tell him your bad feelings like he did to you, but it can lead to a can of worms if he feels worse and puts that on you too, since he feels down about it and wanted some support or reassurance.
My husband is good at putting all responsibility on me - his and mine. As a result I have continually pulled away from him emotionally and would leave him, except I'm dependent on the protection I have from the world (home, money, consistency in surroundings).

 

[Knak]

Supporter here, I'll probably say the wrong thing seems that is all I have done lately. Even with m...

Sometimes there is nothing that can be said or understood and it is painful to watch a loved one suffer.
The person suffering is stuck in thoughts they may not be able to express, but if they can they should - to give the partner some bearings and clarity as to where they are at.
Their thoughts don't make sense to those who haven't had them or there wouldn't be a problem. Feelings are anger, frustration, hate, giving up, vengence, e.g., more often than of hope.
I have found EMDR to be the most helpful therapy. Talking does nothing for me, unless the listener has been through the same problem and healed from it and has objective insight to provide confidence that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
The problem is the brain's inability to heal an extremely painful incident without the right help. All sorts of reminding thoughts inadvertently get attached to the original one to expand the problem to seemingly unrelated things that nobody can make sense of. It is the worst kind of hell on earth and only serves to confuse, paralyze, and destroy a life that is as valuable as anyone else's life.
Just being there to be counted on not to abandon the victim is a great source of partial relief, but supporters suffer a lot and they have a choice to leave to be free of the weight. That is a precarious situation.
Without support a PTSD victim is like a sheep to the wolves.

 

[Riot]

@Knack, sorry this is late, but thank you for your thoughts!

 

[Deleted member 28403]

No greater show of power than a wounded, struggling person still fighting through, and not giving up. But sometimes people don't get it :hug: