Hi Tc / The Albatross,
I was a first responder, and also worked in some other parts of the medical maze. It's a funny thing about emotions - it was a tool to be able to turn it off sometimes, to be able to do, or withstand, what was needed. I know I learned how to do that many years before, as a child...
So we learn to turn it off in order to cope. But then, somehow, it stays off. We get numb. And turning it back on can become a whole other thing. And if we do turn it back on, well, then there is the flood, the flood of pain.
Yeah, people expired on the toilet. The general public would be surprised to know how often that happens. All that squeezing, raising the pressure, and then, pow - something blows. Not pretty to go in find someone on the pot, family outside. Bathrooms are too small for a whole crew. Lucky me, I never had to be in the position of trying to pry someone out of there. But a spider in the mouth? That's just weird. Wrong bug, for that location, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, yes, it starts to look like all humanity just sucks. Still, along the way, I still encounter gems. Good people. I value them even more now.
Albatross - as for faith, I envy you. It's a wonderful thing for those who can draw strength from that. A lifesaver for many, meaning in a meaningless world for others. I don't have that faith in a higher power. So I have to make do with the earthly things I have faith in. They are in in short supply sometimes.
