Tomorrow Is Here, But Today I'm Floating

[Abstract]

Sending you masses of support and grounding energy. So very impressed with your actions to start claiming protection for yourself. I am sure that doesn't help much but it is true nonetheless.

You can do this.

 

[Echo]

@mytai - you might chose an essential oil that relaxes you instead. Lavender is really powerful and will not only bring you back from dissociation but will calm you down. You don't need much of it!

 

[mytai]

@madmax, I have been taking the opportunity this week to write it out over and over in hopes that it becomes second nature and I don't forget to mention any important details. Also hoping that by writing it out makes it easier to spout off to the police tomorrow.

@jmni, thankfully I will have someone who has sat through this before with me. I'm sure she won't allow it to get to a point where I'm fighting to be heard.

@macca, I've been slipping in and out of awareness today. I'm losing a lot of time today. I'm not even aware that I've dissociated until I come back around and see that I've lost a chunk time.

I haven't had a good day. I'm very disappointed with myself. At some point today I cut myself all up my arm. I'm a mess. I am really beating myself up over this. I didn't want to start this cycle again. I don't really remember doing it. But it is effecting me the way it used to. I just really hope that I didn't just start this addiction battle again.

 

[mytai]

@Echo and @The Albatross, I will see if I can get my hands on some essential oil tonight after work.

I think I will try eucalyptus, anything flowery (although I love the smell) give me headaches quickly.

 

[Bedbug]

it is effecting me the way it used to.

You have never done to "it" what you are about to do tomorrow. I hope that makes the difference for you.

 

[Echo]

@mytai - I'm sorry you've hurt yourself. I hope though once it is over you'll find release, a degree of calm and a great sense of relief and pride in yourself. This time is going to be different. This time you are going to break through and break out. You've prepared so well. I don't know what to do with myself at the moment, the stress is so bad. I've got to the stage when I just need to do it and see what life brings on the other side. We are all rooting for you. Let us know how it goes. You are a star. x

 

[mytai]

You have never done to "it" what you are about to do tomorrow.

I actually have, just not with this level of support behind me.

 

[Bedbug]

*Teensy-weensy thread hijack alert*

@Echo, there are a lot of people rooting for you right now too.

 

[Echo]

[@Bedbug - thank you xxx I think we all do so well rooting for one another.] Sorry, @mytai.

 

[macca]

@mytai It sounds like you've answered your own question regarding whether to allow yourself to dissociate or not. Trust your gut, your intuition. Keep doing whatever it takes, you can do this! You've done it before without support, but this time is so much different to then - your T is going to explain to the police beforehand, you'll have the SA volunteer with you. We are all with you, you're in all our thoughts. You are very brave, and you have come through harder things than this before. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

[HelenB]

You are doing so well and have no need to be disappointed in yourself. What you are doing is such a massive thing and I am really hoping you can feed in just how safe you are. You have good people around you and a lot of people on here who I know want to be here for you too as much as we can and it really is true as others have said that you are an inspiration. I would not expect you to not be finding this hard at all and it is natural that you would just want to disassociate and shut down to it all, as it is the way you have learnt to find safety in such unsafe places, but doing what you are is making a real stand that actually you know it is not ok and you do deserve so much better and I really do believe this will help you in the long run and that you are doing so so well.

Many blessings
Helen

 

[novemberDark]

Mytai,
Will be thinking of you tomorrow.
Hoping for you to have some sleep hours tonight, your mind needs it (maybey today's floating was part of self preparation and to allow yourself a break).

Looks like your continuing to take your power back !. You're in control here !.

All is there in your memory ( unfortunately) but good for tomorrow.

Give your mind the time to recall everything important and demand that time from them too. It's your right !.