ShodokanJenn
Platinum Member
My experience was similar. I thought I hid my past so well from the world. I told two people in the world until I was 21, then I told a third. I thought nobody else had a clue. I acted so healthy and whole. People looked up to me as a pillar of strength. I excelled in many areas. But when it came out at age 27 (when the PTSD totally took over)? Everyone who found out said they had already assumed something of the sort. It's possible that your husband has always had the idea, or has for a long time. But to be honest? I don't think it's at ALL fair of him to be trying to manipulate you. And it sounds like that's what he's trying to do.
As for healing from the trauma? I do believe you probably have some of that to do. But as others have said, that doesn't have to mean talking about it. For me, talking about it has been key. But I've known people who got to very healthy places NOT talking about it, who once they were in those healthy places, chose to disclose. And I'm sure I know people who have gotten to a healthy place without talking about it, who will NEVER talk about it. It's such an individual thing. But SA does impact us, whether we admit it or not. It doesn't have to define us, but somewhere inside, there are remnants.
The fact that you shared here is huge. Major kudos to you for that! As someone else said, it's an honor to read. I know how difficult ANY disclosure is. You took a gigantic step forward, whether it feels like it or not. Don't be afraid to talk or not talk about it. You have to do what's best for YOU, and only YOU can decide that.
As for healing from the trauma? I do believe you probably have some of that to do. But as others have said, that doesn't have to mean talking about it. For me, talking about it has been key. But I've known people who got to very healthy places NOT talking about it, who once they were in those healthy places, chose to disclose. And I'm sure I know people who have gotten to a healthy place without talking about it, who will NEVER talk about it. It's such an individual thing. But SA does impact us, whether we admit it or not. It doesn't have to define us, but somewhere inside, there are remnants.
The fact that you shared here is huge. Major kudos to you for that! As someone else said, it's an honor to read. I know how difficult ANY disclosure is. You took a gigantic step forward, whether it feels like it or not. Don't be afraid to talk or not talk about it. You have to do what's best for YOU, and only YOU can decide that.
