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Took My Clothes Off In Front Of My Therapist.

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super_saiyan

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I was really distressed and in the middle of flashbacks, but this is the worst thing I could have possibly have done. I often go to undress when I have flashbacks but I've never actually stripped before.

I haven't seen her since, but will tomorrow (I'm inpatient) and I honestly cannot face her again. I'm not overrreacting, she would have seen the scars they made on me and the scars i've made myself. My body represents something monstruous to me and I don't think I can carry on working with her now.

Please help. What would you do?

Thank you!
 
I don't remember it at all. I wouldn't feel safe enough to do it in front of anybody. A nurse told me afterwards when they had given me some midazolam to calm down. My therapist had left me by then.

I'm so sorry.
 
I agree with Hodge. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed. It happened and it happened for a reason. That is for you and your therapist to work out. I am sure she has seen far worse than that and your scars are simply a part of you and your history. She is a therapist for a reason - one of which is that she cares for people in distress.

Please don't worry about it at all. I am sure she will reassure you and make you feel better.

Then you can start getting better.
 
Hi super_saiyan,

It's ok they are there to help you, your therapsit would have dealt with things like that before. When I disasoicate, sometimes I just get so stressed out and frightened and fearful I try and take my sweatshirt off. I have no idea why but I have scars as well. It's like I just want to get out of my body. I have seen other people do it as well. Your therapsit is there to help you. Otherwise they wouldn't be doing that sort of work. Please just talk with them.

Please take care

Sammy
 
What kind of therapist are you working with @super_saiyan? A trauma therapist will recognize this as a type of dissociative episode and be able to work with you. You need and deserve someone with that kind of skill. It sounds like you may need to slow down and find ways of keeping yourself safe before you delve any further into the trauma. I hear you about the fear and the shame, but that is part of what trauma does to us. It's not your fault.
 
You're OK and it will be OK. It's your way of saying what happened to you. Maybe you just needed her to see the scars. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes the things we do when we're not in overt control are a way of asking for help. Not everything can be said with words. All you did was show what hurts.
 
There's something called "Paradoxical Undressing" that happens to mountain climbers, (or anyone in the cold/snow) sometimes.

What happens is that you're so cold, that your body yanks all your blood to your core to try & stay warm/alive. What happens though, as you get tired? The veins and arteries do, too. They don't keep the blood center mass... And whoomph! Rushing hot blood to the rest of your body. So, even as you're freezing to death? Your body feels like it's burning up. Too hot. Too hot. Too hot.... And strip.

BOTH ALSO happen with extreme anxiety. Your body yanks your blood to your core, to prevent blood loss if you're cut or chewed in by whatever dinosaur/bear/shark/soldier/etc. you're trying to get away from. It's a useful thing. Saves lives in countless accidents or injuries. But just like with hypothermia? When the body stops doing that? Either because it's too damn tired to keep it up, or you're actually starting to relax? Rushing heat. And just like hypothermia, your brain on auto-pilot says strip!!! It's still trying to save your life. It's just reading the scenario wrong. And like jumping when startled, you don't have total control over it... Especially if you aren't expecting it.

Now that you know to expect it? You'll have a lot more control over it.

Like sneezing. Sometimes a sneeze sneaks up on you, but most of the time you have some warning & can cover. Paradoxical Undressing is a lot like that. The sudden urge to have-to-have-to-have-to!!! ? You can learn to ignore.

If your therapist deals with extreme anxiety patients? You're unlikely to be her first patient to paradoxically undress. It happens. And if you're in a hospital? These are med-pros? Naked people all day long. Both expected (bathing, procedures, etc.), and on the fly when something's wrong. It doesn't phase them. It alerts them that something is probably wrong and needs to be sorted immediately (whether it's an accident victim, an elderly person, a woman giving birth, or a neurological response like paradoxical undressing), but it doesn't embarrass or disgust them. Alerting is very very different from disgust.

The med to calm down? That was exactly the right thing to do. Paradoxical Undressing = off the charts anxiety, and anxiety med given to calm down & help you out. Nothing to be embarrassed over :) Promise.
 
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