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Tossed Aside Again

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In the hospital right now. Was taken in late Friday night. I made a serious attempt Friday night. Heart rate dropped dangerously low several times that night and into Saturday.

I really messed up my body with what I did. I have to wear a heart rate monitor all the time, being poked and stuck for tests. I have a "babysitter" right now, I'm not allowed to walk the halls without them. I'm on my second form right now. Still waiting for a bed in psych so right now I'm in short term care.

The nurses are really nice to me. In a lot of pain, I know I did it to myself so I should suck it up but it hurts and I feel horrible.

They had to take me off my anti depressants because I messed up my body. Eventually they are going to start me on the lowest dose again.
 
I am so, so glad you are still here. Really. Words can't express. x

I wish I could find words that held the emotional equivalent of a strong, safe, gentle hug, but I don't think any exist.

Thank you for letting us know. I'm so grateful you're being taken care of now, and so, so proud of you for everything you have stuck through thus far. You are amazing, mytai, you really are. You deserve safety and peace and life. Hang in there dear and I am so very sorry for all the pain you are going through, emotional and physical and beyond.

But I am glad you are here. You give hope to many. I believe in you. <3
 
@mytai, I'm so glad you are safe now. But so sorry you've felt so bad and are in such pain. It is incredibly brave of you to post and let us know how you are. I wish I could find the words to hold you up and give you hope. I hope you know how much we care about you having shared what you've been through (at a distance). And I do hope things feel more positive for you very soon.
 
So sorry to hear how hard things have got. I am so glad that you are still here. You do not deserve to die and I am praying that you can really find some hope for the future which you do have and do deserve so much.

God bless
Helen
 
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This thread is one of the most emotionally charged ones I've read. I want you to all know how brave you are to even write stuff down & share your stories.

@mytai please know I've been there and I mean this from the bottom of my heart - stay safe, don't hurt yourself - I feel like I'm right there with you! Memories :( xxxx
 
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Oh, Mytai. I wish I could reach out to you through this screen. I hope my words can touch you at least. I am so sorry you are suffering so much. You have a little band of supporters on here who really care about you. Please take strength from us. We all want you to come through this. I am so glad you are being cared for now. Just take your time and know that we are here if you need a friendly avatar to talk to.

(((@mytai)))
 
The psych team spoke to me today. I'm still on form (means I'm there despite what I want). But they are letting me out on Thursday for 3 hours so I can go see my T. They said they will let me out before Wednesday next week.

They are starting me back on my cipralex tonight, and they are going to start me on prazosin for nightmares.
 
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