Tossed Aside Again

[mytai]

Since I know their names I will be making sure to put in positive reports about them to their bosses. I want them recognized for going above and beyond.

 

[mytai]

So I wrote a quick letter to the lady who brings in the lunch trays. Left her my number and contact info in case she wanted to keep in touch. She came back in just a few minutes ago and said that she will call me, she will keep in touch, and that we will have to meet up for coffee.

 

[Ryn]

How wonderful!! I was hoping something like that would happen. :)

 

[mytai]

I am home finally. I was discharged very late from the hospital because the doctor forgot about me. So I just made it home with my cat and dog who were in boarding. Both were very happy to see me. The rats were too. Going to take it easy tonight and tomorrow, and up until my appointment with my T on Monday.

 

[Echo]

Rest well, @mytai

 

[macca]

Enjoy being home with your furry family! Rest, and let yourself just be.

 

[HelenB]

Thinking of you and praying you can have the rest and peace you deserve.
God bless
Helen

 

[mytai]

Actually took it easy last night. Went to bed very early (for me), around 8:30, didn't wake up until after 8am this morning. Basically that's where I stopped taking it easy. Took Chelsea for a walk, then went to fill my prescriptions, a few groceries, stopped by work to bring Tim's to a co-worker who covered my shifts while I was gone.

I had a dizzy spell getting out of my car at the office, lost my balance and started to fall back and felt like I was passing out. I ended up trying to recover and catch myself, but I ended up on my butt in the parking lot with an ice cap all over my pants. Didn't feel dizzy really, actually I'm not sure because it happened really quick. My blood pressure must have dropped right then. Anyways, back to taking it easy. Must have pushed myself too hard.

 

[HelenB]

Glad to hear you at least took it easy last night and though its not nice to be forced into it, am glad you are going to go back into the taking it more easy.

Even before the suicide attempt you had been running on so little and so much needed that break and to take it easy, and with the added shock and trauma of that and all the emotional turmoil, you really do need it and deserve it so much and I am praying for full restoration for you and that you really can look after yourself in the way you deserve, because you are worth it and it will be worth it.

God bless
Helen

 

[Echo]

You sound so much lighter, @mytai. I am so glad to hear that in your voice. But you have been through so much. It may take you some months to really get over the reporting and your attempt. What is lovely though is that you seem to want to get back into life and are doing so, barring an occasional slip! Thank goodness you can sleep, too. So well done for all you have achieved.

 

[mytai]

Had therapy with my T before heading into work today. It was good. Didn't dissociate, almost did but my T caught me before I slipped away. The only problem I had was staying with a train of thought. I literally forgot what I was saying in the middle of a sentence, told my T that my brain was slow. She asked if I started thinking about something else, which I didn't, I told her I just forgot what I was saying. She gave me a quick explanation of why I was saying before I trailed off and I was kind of able to finish the thought. I still had trouble completing the thought though, struggled to put together a coherent sentence.

My T said she was glad I wrote to her and told her that I appreciated her talking to the detectives. She said it was also helpful for her to talk to them, she could hear in the way they talked that they legitimately believed me and wish they could have done something more. She said that she could sense I felt more settled today than I have been, she's right, I do feel more settled and less on edge. She also said that she knows I understand she has a life outside of work and other clients, but that she does try to be as present as she can for me, and that she supports me in this.

She said she still thinks I made the right decision in moving into the city. She talked about when I move at the beginning of May to maybe use a postal outlet for mail so that I don't have to give out my new address to anyone other than those who absolutely need it. She also asked about shutting off GPS location services on my phone. She is trying to make sure that I feel as safe as possible, and that I am as safe as possible. She told me that sometimes she drives down where I live as a shortcut to the grocery store to see if she sees me walking my dog.

I told her that I started cutting again. She asked some questions about it, and thanked me for telling her.

As I was leaving my T said that if I wanted a hug that I would need to ask. So I did, I asked for a hug and she gave me one. She said I did better at remembering to breathe.

 

[macca]

@mytai I am so glad to read these last few posts of yours, you sound like you are much more stable, though I know you are still dealing with a lot. Keep it up, you are amazing!