Total Recall - The Hits Keep Coming!

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

While watching the Watchmen movie with my best friend, a scene where he boils the inmates face in oil triggered a memory - long forgotten.

Shortly after my first husband (who was gay) put a knife to my throat, he moved out and I was left running the Yucca Motel in Hollywood, Ca., there was a hooker I had to evict because she was now squatter, two weeks - no money - she had to go - I pad locked the room as required of my duties.

A few days later it was Christmas. I was cooking gravy on a hot plate when she came back expecting to get in the room. I did not know she was back on the property until I answered the door.

There stood this woman in a gold sequined gown with her armed raised above her head and in her hand; a butcher knife coming down.

Slamming the door at her hand, I then ran to the hot plate where boiling gravy became my weapon of choice and tossed it in her face just in time. All the yelling and commotion drew attention, someone had called the cops and a guy named, 'Bill,' grabbed the crazy b*tch and held onto her.

This memory was shoved in the back of my head because many other tragic memories have taken precedent due to my emotional loss. I was defending my life and have no guilt over this. But I do have trouble dealing with the anger I have for people who hurt one another on purpose.

As I told my friend the story I had come to realize another memory had been revealed in the back of my mind of greater consequence but, that's another story, another memory under a different heading - sexual trauma

 

[Powder]

Hi Linda, I seldom watch films with violence. It doesn't let things settle well with PTSD. Sometimes we're drawn to it, because we want to toughen ourselves and learn to deal with the past or purge it, but it really ends up dredging up and triggering too much at times and can be counterproductive. It all depends on the other stuff you're trying to accomplish also. Might want to take a break from them? Thoughts?

XOXO Muse

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Very true Muse, I go in spurts at times... going for comedy tonight...

 

[Powder]

Awesome! I'd addicted to comedy for this reason, I suppose. :p What are you going to watch?

XOXO Muse

 

[OKRADLAK]

If I watch violent movies I get sick and can even vomit. I leave immediately and can have days or turmoil. I never go to them and if it gets violent than I am gone very fast.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

Sorry muse so long to answer but I watched 'death to smoochy' and okradlak... I freak when there is a knife fight.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

More death - yesterday our neighbor shot Loki, a big puppy - my tears have not fallen because Marc (PTSD TOO) had to bury him and his tears needed time to fall while I stayed strong. But, like always, a delayed reaction.

 

[Kintsugi]

(((((((Linda)))))))

Sometimes (like right now) I am dealing so intensively with my trauma that I cannot watch something that is even a little bit upsetting. Last night I was falling asleep to South Park as I always do (or as I have for the past year and some), and I was suddenly devastated by the end of an episode I love, because the kids inadvertently kill a whale by sending it to the moon, where they believe it lives in a castle. It sounds flipping ridiculous to even type this, but I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness.

I watch kids movies when I feel like this. Or The Rugrats. I know it sounds a little silly, but it's so light and fluffy. Nothing bad ever happens. Sometimes it's best to just stay away from the media.

I'm sorry that you went through this trigger and through this horrible fight. I know you have no guilt, but to reinforce, you did what was right. I'm glad that you uncovered the memory, though, because that is how you work on what damage it may have caused, and all I want is to see you heal.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

I do too watch kids shows, but sometimes they make me cry harder... sheez what a water faucet I have become. I just wish these incidents weren't so extreme as they are many. Thank you Antisunshine for your support.