Toxic Shame

[Deleted member 33052]

Mary, I do the rage thing. All the time. :(

I'm trying to learn to let go of my deep-rooted shame. I really want to know who is buried beneath it. It's much more difficult than I thought it would be...

:hug: to you!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Thanks @Celtic :)

I wad really lost when I got here, in a bad bad state.
My th...

Mary, how did your therapy session go, if you feel like talking about it?

 

[mary1979]

Me being the useless so and so I am, missed the damned appointment.

I keep procrastinating and making excuses..
I'm petrified lol

 

[mary1979]

O

What helped me was to study about emotional flashbacks that can be just as debilitating. It's like gett...

Omg you summed that up perfectly!

A little kid trying to process adult emotions. Thats me haha

Seems like no matter how hard I work on it, as soon as I get tired or stressed I slip back to petulant 3 year old me lol

 

[Sideways]

Sucks apples that you missed your appointment- how long till your next one? Can you bring it forward?

Maybe tou've already got this covered, but borrowing the mindfulness and emotional regulation stuff from DBT might help with the outbursts?

And I hate to say it (because I hate people that say it to me) but daily exercise, particularly aerobic stuff that physically exhausts you might also help bring down the degree of rage in the outbursts.

Either way, go easy on your inner 3 year old - she did a pretty good job doing what she needed to do to survive. Her strategies for coping aren't so helpful any more, but the little tyke deserves some credit:)

 

[mary1979]

Sucks apples that you missed your appointment- how long till your next one? Can you bring it for...

Thank you lovely, I appreciate your thoughts when I know you are dealing with the same and worse right now xxxx

They rescheduled for 2 weeks and I'm happy with that.
Every day I get a little stronger, hopefully by the time I get there I wont even need meds, just some guidance.

My rage has been extinguished (possibly temporarily) since I've been able to express myself here.
I'm even improving at talking to.my husband.
Next step is for him to finally absorb that and get his head around the changes in me.
We not exactly on the.same level yet as he is still waiting on my next act of revenge I think :(

 

[Celtic]

Me being the useless so and so I am, missed the damned appointment.

I keep procrastinating and making...

baby steps Mary.

 

[Sideways]

Love it (love it, love it) whenever someone says things are just a fraction better. It takes sooo much work just to maintain the status quo, so when things actually improve just a tiny bit, it's time to bring out the virtual cheerleaders and do a little happy dance for you! Shake your imaginary pom poms for yourself:)

 

[mary1979]

Love it (love it, love it) whenever someone says things are just a fraction better. It takes soo...

Thank you :)

Long long way to go.

Doesn't it often feel like 2 steps forward 1 step back?

 

[Thinkbig]

Thinkbig

you are very brave.

Awww..thank you! Can I ask, what specifically?

 

[Sideways]

Of course it feels like that - that's exactly what it's like.

But press pause on all the reasons you're bringing out to NOT feel good about this small win right now. We all spend PLENTY of time wallowing in the backward steps. Well negative-brain, right now we've made a forward step, and it's really important to acknowledge them when they happen.

So damn it all, go right ahead and acknowledge that things got a little better. Still pretty shitty? Pfft! Things got a little better and you had to work your arse off for that. Your teacher would be sticking a gold star on that work right about now:tup:

 

[Thinkbig]

O

Omg you summed that up perfectly!

A little kid trying to process adult emotions. Thats me haha

See...

Obviously I can only speak for myself...I'm learning to have compassion for that little person, trying to deal. Anger is so completly understandable. I'm so sorry you were hurt.