Trauma Anniversaries - Fact vs. Myth

[Iron_Angel]

I don't mean this to sound facetious, but my suggestion is to change your birthday(s). My PTSD-suffering recovering alcoholic ex-husband made his new birthday the date he quit drinking. His own birthday used to bring him down, so now he celebrates a day that holds hope and happiness for him.

I'd even go so far as to put some Wite-out over the real date on the calendar and have two of the day before or the day after. Other dates like Easter and Passover slide on the calendar, why can't birthdays?

 

[anthony]

Valid... the problem with the brain, is that people limit themselves. Exactly as mentioned above, you do get to make your own rules for how you want to handle things... if they affect you negatively, and you don't like it, then you get to create things to enact change for a positive in your life. There are no such things as hard and fast rules when it comes to your own self management techniques.

This is why this is posted.... because there is zero requirement that you need to, or have to suffer on a trauma anniversary, and in fact you can change them to a celebration of learning behaviour, self improvement, etc.

 

[Froggie]

How do we deal with a trauma that IS a birthday? My first occurred on my birthday and my second on my Dad's.

One of the dates coincides with my daughter-in-law's birthday and it was hard for me to concentrate my thoughts on her birthday while I was still with the police saga. This year, I had to really force myself seeing the saga was over ... I promised myself that 2011 was going to be the start of taking care of myself, to get something else out of life and recontact with family life. For the rest, well that will come later ... no time limits, just goals ...nothing rigid either, not with PTSD ... that's for da*% sure

 

[KP the nut]

Should I be particularly re-traumatized 10.30 pm every day? Or every Friday? Or every day in July? Or every year? or just every year that ends in a 3?

My trauma occured on the Tuesday of a half term school holiday, I'd had the Monday as leave so the Tuesday was after a long weekend. I was back at work when the next half term holiday came around. Again the Monday had been a holiday and I drove to work on the Tuesday morning. I was nervous, apprehensive living the almost fatal journey. I gave a huge sigh of relief when I arrived at work safely. I turned the engine off and as I was gathering my bags. The car jolted, there was a bang - I'd been hit by someone trying to park next to me.

 

[cherryblossom]

I totally understand the whole 'trauma anniversary' thing. I really do. but I really think it's a case of mind over matter. KP - your experience, really is just bad coincidence.

If you can't get a specific date out of your head, I really suggest you use it as a 'happy occasion'. A 'happy to be alive day'? or something along those lines. Do nice things for yourself, and celebrate your life!

 

[anthony]

You can make a positive a negative, through nothing other than thought. You can make a positive a happier positive, through nothing other than how you approach the positive. You can turn a negative into a positive through nothing other than your mental interpretation and attitude towards the event. You can turn a negative into a severe negative, wanting to kill yourself, severe depression, etc, just by how you approach that negative.

How you choose to view things uniquely, per situation, is entirely dependent upon each person uniquely. Yes, there are physical factors and chemicals which cause some reactions, which enhance or promote a specific reaction, however; by understanding these chemicals, by understanding there responses and how they work, every one has a counter... knowledge is key with PTSD.

 

[mamachick]

My trauma was Dec. 16 2008. I know I associated the trauma with Christmas. During the trauma, I was trapped in an area of my home and focused on this green wall. A few months later when I got some motivation, I was determined to paint and cover up all the green walls. I liked the green. It was intuitive. Only about a month after it was painted did I notice that when I was standing in that hall talking to my daughter, I wasnt reacting. I realized that I felt calmer. As the 1 year anniversary approached and Christmas was coming as well, I scheduled an elective surgery that was very extensive. The surgery left my face swollen and bruised with drain tubes from my head and two black eyes. Later I thought that I had some irrational thoughts about choosing this time. I was in so much pain and guarding my posture and protecting my surgery that I believe that it diluted any thoughts that I would have had. I was busy nurturing myself. Others were probably nicer to me since I have teens. And most irrational, who would attack someone who looked like I did. When the second anniversary came around, I started getting fearful. When I thought about how I got through the last Christmas is when I really discovered my motivation for surgery. This year I decided to face it. It was fine. I really had no triggers or increased symptoms. Also, I dont think my fears are so much about being attacked as they are about my breaking down following the attack. I was injured and given many meds that I could not keep straight and I just wanted to sleep anyway. I was emotionally depleted. I eventually overdosed and was in intensive care and a psych unit. I lost control of my life, which is almost as traumatizing as the attack to me. I am glad to hear that we have some choice in the anniversary experience. Since for myself, humor is my best friend, I think I might consider scheduling any optional painful events for any family member just before Chrismas as it certainly redirects the focus.

 

[mamachick]

I apologize for posting again, but I re-read posts and this is a very strong topic for me. I do know triggers and that it is not only dates but places (as sam1029 stated) and a lot of other things. For me (Christmas-the tree, cards, garland, cookies, wrap, etc) Im sure because that was what was around after, the green wall, police cars, cold weather, etc. I am not minimizing the date at all, but I dont want to give my power away. I dont want to allow a perpetrator to have this kind of control over my life. If I would have read this 2 months post trauma, Im sure my response would be different. Time alone will not heal me, it is going to take me doing things differently, staying logical and rational, using positive self talk, and maybe most importantly-reminding myself of my choices. Since this, its as though I have forgotten that I have choices. I tend to think-this is how it is, and its not true. I often underestimate my abilities and strengths. We are all survivors so we all have strength. I use to believe that I managed my life-so I did manage my life quite well. Now I believe my life manages me- for a big part, it does. I want to reverse it again. If I hold on to the belief that I will be haunted on a date, at a visual, smell, etc, How will that turn things around for me? After reading this again, I saw how "choice" effects so much for me. This has triggered a lot more thoughts for me. Thank you all for great posts.