Trauma Clinic Assessment

[Tinyflame]

I know I need to move forward but some off the steps that need to be taken to do that are so difficult and a challenge to my PTSD and thinking styles all on their own.

Dear NH, I should have also said, I think it's normal and natural to second guess/ feel ashamed/ be in doubt/ question etc, because somewhere it seems only logical that if something is 'right' it should be easy for us to do and make us feel better (right away). Sometimes yes but when it comes to this, just like you said above, you can probably expect to feel as you have, that's a sign you've tried to do something new and different. And new and different is good, when it comes to ptsd. :)

 

[Iam]

BIW,I have written over 2 pages and a letter to the new T. When I read them. back to myself I wonder if I was having an anxiety attack. He pointed out the whole disassociation thing to me and I had no clue how much I do it. I feel I guess that is the biggest Statement He made me feel, wether that was good or bad or ugly felt like I was a victim and now I need to show him the result the emotions are there just detached. I don.t really show them.
NH

(((NH))) Therapy is tough, especially when really digging in. You indicated last week that surface answers will not suffice with this T. That is good I think. I to detach from my emotions. I can talk about them without feeling, let alone showing them at the time. Then they flood me when I get home, sometimes a day or two later. It's great that you wrote everything down. That will be a good thing to share with your T as you probably won't be feeling that way when you sit in front of him next week. Just the fact that it was so hard is proof that you accomplished a lot yesterday NH. I am so sorry that it has to be that way for you and all of us. I HATE and want to quit so often. So many times have not wanted to show my face the next week for the shame of it all. I think our T's understand that. They do see it over and over with many patients. Hang in there NH.....you are doing the hard exhausting work that will pay off. You are strong enough and I am really proud of you. (((HUGS)))

 

[anni]

I'm really proud of you too, NH, sincerely so. I know it must seem incremental to you, and I remember saying this before but gosh, once again remember how terribly fragile you were all that time ago when first joining here. There was just a sentence here and there from a lovely, very quiet awfully hurt woman still determindly reaching out to get the heck better. Impressive, all this, even if it doesn't feel like it. I'm thinking of you, and everyone willing to go through this to make it better the next week and then the next.

Much Peace- it's there.

Anni

 

[kers]

Why does it feel as though I was being personally attacked yesterday. I wonder if he is just going to fast or if this is what is needed to open the wounds.

When I first began talking about my trauma in therapy, I felt this way as well. I'd share one week, and the next come in all shut down. Finally my therapist had to explain to me boundaries, that I should only talk about what I was comfortable talking about, and then when it was too much, to stop, change the subject, etc. My feeling was, "I'm here to work on this, I should be going full speed every minute!" but that's not always the case.

It's not uncommon to panic after you begin sharing things, opening up old wounds. Tell your new T what is happening so that together you guys can assess what's going on and manage it in session, too. You're doing great.

 

[intothelight]

Hi NH,

You are really working hard through this process, but it can't all be done in a few short sessions. Allow yourself some room to breathe and to work through this at a pace that isn't overwhelming. Remember your self care, it is so important right now.

You should be very proud of yourself.

(((hugs)))
Deb

 

[KP the nut]

You are really working hard through this process, but it can't all be done in a few short sessions. Allow yourself some room to breathe and to work through this at a pace that isn't overwhelming. Remember your self care, it is so important right now.

HI NH, Deb has it spot on. This is hard and it is long haul. You need to push but also at a pace which doesn't leave you unable to cope.

Show your T what you have written (if you can).

You are doing so well, and showing so much courage.

Linking arms (((HUGS)))
KP

 

[Nighthawk]

There are truly times I wonder if I have created this in my own head. I am really feeling like a nut. I cant begin to know what way to turn. He has touched something in me and I cant pin point it. But the feeling of being mad or angry at him makes me know I have chosen the wall and am using him as a diversion of my anger. I am going to fight and go back geez this is hard. I will try give him what I have been writing.

Thanks

NH

 

[Nighthawk]

I feel as though I am am letting the T down. every week I walk in there and I believe he has the intention of doing other things and I just take over and I am feeling very down and can't stand letting everyone around me down. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. He asks questions I don't want to answer but I know I need to to help him. Gezzz hard is a under statement and next week he is going to give me more tests. I just want to hide, feel safe. The question is there anywhere I can feel safe.

NH

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((Nighthawlk))))

I feel that way every appointment. I just sat there as my T. told me I was doing so well at The holidays I was being 'triaged out' so the sicker could be seen.

Figured I should be grateful he'll see me every 2-3 weeks, which is where I am now.

The scripts to people-please to stay safe are so ingrained in us. I won't tell him how I feel like I'm failing him by still being a patient after 9 months. The poor guy is a CBT T. and is used to people being in and out after a few sessions. He seems to get disappointed with me when I lose it and go into dissociation...can't wait to be done.

 

[KP the nut]

The question is there anywhere I can feel safe.

NH

(((NH)))

Try to feel safe in his office with your T. Is there any way he can do exercises to help accomplish this. It is so important to build your relationship first. My T refused do do a session of EMDR as he knew I wasn't up to it that particular day.

Remember you are not alone.

Linking arms

 

[Nighthawk]

Maybe I was wrong, maybe I am nor ready for this.

NH

 

[BloomInWinter]

Maybe I was wrong, maybe I am nor ready for this.
NH

Be kind to yourself, ((((((((((Nighthawlk)))))))))))).

I feel like that pretty much every minute of every day. I wanna quit...but I can't figure out what that it.

Quit Therapy and stay as miserable and dead as I am? Get worse? Stay in a shell and never expand my social circle out and then have to have surgery and have no people to rely on to help with my children? (This happened to me last summer...and drove home why I *have* to continue moving forward even if I don't want to.)

Wishing I could figure out just what it *is* that I could quit and it would be an *actual* choice...unlike what we've been given.

You're wonderful, strong, and you will get past this. Please keep us updated!