Trauma During Treatment of Extreme PTSD

[Deleted member 93]

Sounds like you are having a rough ride and still starting your path to self discovery. First I want to say I think you are doing a great job seeing someone for treatment even with the bad experience. To make good improvement with agoraphobia is a big accomplishment too, not an easy feat. So you are already showing you can do this and have what it takes. Only 4 months with this therapist and doing this means you are doing well. Healing can be painfully slow.

Still think hypnosis is a bad idea especially with the other details you added. Like not needed to go into detail about other traumas. I could not disagree more. While there are some things in our life we could handle if it stood alone, once you have PTSD the different traumas sort of cross over and intertwine as many of the same emotions are present. PTSD is so much emotion. Also, if you have gaps in memories you could fall into false memories presenting them self from emotional pain or come across very real memories you are not ready to handle. So please be careful there and keep that in mind if you choose hypnotherapy.

You nervous system is not shot. Sensitive? Yes. Shot? No. You may be disabled for a while but it is not permanent. The sympathetic nervous system sends us on one helluva ride but we can take this control back. It is very hard but we can and do do it. We learn to control this by hashing out every little issue we ever had. Even if it may not seem like a big deal we have to address it. Little things we blew off has to be hashed out and understood. Doing this we are almost helping hit a reset button. Like cleaning the slate off. You learn other techniques too to let your brain know this is OK, I am not in danger, no need for my reaction, though normal for me. And again it is OK.

It is a very long process but it can be done. What you can do is keep posting here. This forum was the bulk of my treatment when I learned what I had. I took much advice through others stories and paths. I am so much better today because of this place. Stick around and if worse comes to worse you have people who will do what they can to support you through the hard times. Best help we get is from ourself. Good luck and please keep us in the know how the investigation turns out.

What did your doctor do and what did you do to learn to start getting through agoraphobia? I know what I had to do and still work on it so I am very interested in other's experience is fighting it. Much of what you learned can be applied to many other aspects of this most likely.

 

[ptsd_cracker]

He suggested exposure therapy, small steps and then big leaps and a back slide back. Anything over an hour still freaks me out considerably, even at work which is a security building with security posted.

 

[Deleted member 93]

So you are working on exposure therapy? Did he do anything like CBT before exposure? How long in therapy with him before starting it? Have you been able to get to why you have agoraphobia or why you might before doing this? Discussed all the fears first? But if it is working that is great. Just trying to learn a bit here... Sounds like you have a very full plate.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Had to add when did he decide it was time to backslide? Was it your call or his? What cues did you use?

 

[ptsd_cracker]

Backslide....No I just fell on my face as soon as anniversary triggers started going off. Been working on CBT for the past 1 1/2 but had to restart basically and I'm still working on that. Exposure therapy because I wasn't going out for groceries so it was an immediate concern. Also exposure therapy was decided early on at the insistence of the insurance company that wanted me back to work.

I'm scared of leaving my house because I'm scared that I will be traumatized again. I'm also scared of building any type of lasting relationship because most of the trauma was caused by people close to me. If I had my choice I would move to a very isolated place out in the wilderness.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Oh, well then that is a much different picture. He did not want to backslide (take a break) you literally had one. You should come out much faster this time I hope since you know how CBT works. Sorry to hear insurance has that power to demand a certain type of treatment. Exposure too soon can undo a lot of hard work. I will never understand insurance companies, guess I am happier being broke. Though having money again would be a good perk! I can understand pushing you to at least get groceries. My hubs has pointed out if it came down to me getting food he truly felt I would starve. I was lucky as my husband is beyond helpful with this and even one of my exs too still tries to help. I will admit I am blessed with a pretty good support system.

I do not understand why, but I seem to not have as big of issues getting close to people. I have lingering doubts and sometimes get spooked, but getting close I don't always have an issue with. Figured that was why I was burned so often. I normally sought out a "safe" feeling person and then hung on until I was burned, and kept repeating. I think the doctor got it right, looking for love...

I still freeze from my doorbell, so scared to open. But these days it still hits hard but it dissipates so fast. I was led from my door and almost killed, "luckily" it ended up "just" being assault and kidnapping. Before I thought being killed would had been better for me, now I see I am happy to survive.

Are you ready to go into what happened to you? It might help. But you may need a break by now too.

 

[ptsd_cracker]

" Are you ready to go into what happened to you?"

Which time, there's been so many. What brought me to therapy in the first place was because I had just survived a murder attempt. My ex-b/f got a hold of me, kept me prisoner for about 10-12 hrs where he raped and tortured me repeatedly and then strangled me and revived me. Also at the time my dad was given 3-4 months to live, my mother became abusive to my daughter and my job performance was suffering.

Then 8months into treatment, a week after my father's death I suffered a flashback and my stupid therapist hospitalized me without my consent. Less than 2 months prior I informed my doctor that he (the therapist) had been sexually harassing me but my doctor said I had to be mistaken. He falsified documents to get me hospitalized and told the admitting doctors that I was having a psychotic breakdown with delusions of being in love with him.

Although hospital records indicate that I was oriented and my thought was clear they hospitalized me anyways. I then became agitated, like most would and I tried to leave. I was physically and chemical restrained (2 large doses of a major tranquilizers) and placed in isolation with no contact for 7 days. I was released after 11 days and told to go back to the therapist. The therapist told me what he did and threatened to hospitalize me again. That's when I cracked (scared that I was going to kill someone) and admitted myself to the hospital, where I stayed for 21 days. Then I was released to his care once again.

This is when the sexual harassment became more progressive, no longer just the sexual comments. He progressed into wanting to role play fantasy conversations, he would make sexual advances and attempt to touch. I finally just stopped going to appointments and the therapist tried to hospitalize me again.

At that time the psychiatrist got involved, all of a sudden I started improving, I had almost been bedridden a month prior. That's when the psychiatrist started asking questions about the therapist. I was then taken off all medication and referred to a new psychologist. Which then lead to the complaint against the old therapist.

My old diagnosis:
PTSD
BI polar
schizophrenic - possible
borderline personality disorder
depression
general anxiety
psychotic episodes
insomnia
eating disorder
suicidal - high

New diagnosis:
PTSD - extreme
obsessive/compulsive - mid/mod
panic attacks - severe
insomnia
suicidal - low/n.a.