Bad memories make me sad while traumatic memories come in tiny snippets, like still images or feelings, and don't make me feel anything much beyond wanting to destroy myself instantly. It might have to do with level of memory, or where you are at in processing, but trauma memories typically have a lot of intensity. I don't have many because I was not so conscious in some traumas. But the energy is still there. For me the idea of trauma memories being more implicitly stored makes sense (like sense-related and body-related vs like a full story repeating in our heads). But memories around the trauma, like different aspects of the person or event, which were not necessarily traumatic, do register as the sort of bad or sad memories, and they are easier to feel as normal memories vs I-want-to-wreck-myself.
Do you work with a therapist who can help you with how to process it? To a point I feel like I'm not supposed to recommend distraction, but I honestly don't feel okay meddling around in trauma stuff by myself. I just do regular daily things as much as I can and find ways to feel safe when I don't feel that way, and leave processing stuff for therapy.
Sometimes I have to consciously pull up "good" memories to create a balance. And every day I consciously do things that create good feelings or new, good experiences in the present. I've worked a lot at this. Call it "resourcing" or whatever, but I can't just sit in trauma or yucky memories. I need to know I'm pretty good in the present and empowered to create new experiences, especially when I feel pained and trapped (like past and present glued together).
