Treading Dangerously?!

[HëllaBubz]

more women around the age group of 40

So my partner has 18 years before things really DO turn shit!:p

 

[Nicolette]

Bubzilla :nailbiting::poop::roflmao:

 

[Shellbell]

I did read somewhere once that more women around the age group of 40 are more likely to be diagnosed with PTSD if it has been present but not diagnosed or very apparent. I don't know if its the hormones, maturity or what. Can't recall where I read it off the top of my head.

I have also read about this in one the many books on PTSD I have. Problem is, there are so many I can't remember which one :rolleyes:

I'm 41 and my severe PTSD symptoms started at 40, so makes sense to me.

 

[Whitneys story]

diagnosed with PTSD if it has been present but not diagnosed or very apparent.

Quite interesting, this was the age when I fought to get into a guinea pig program for Womens Mental Health. Forms and phone calls to no avail. This thread is also comprised of mostly female participation.

My journey has always been about healing. Because of this site I am grasping where I am going. I feel this is what we all want for everyone! Aren't we all on the same site?

So many times the 5 second rule might alleviate a lot of anxiety PTSD in control or not. Or should I not be posting here as I am undiagnosed? JMHO, Whitney

 

[Meadowsweet]

This thread seems like one of those never ending ones.

It's impossible to read minds. So we have to ask people and listen to their responses. But questions are part of the communication and there are different types of questions that are intended for different types of responses:

1) How do you feel? or...what do you think stops you from doing the washing up on those days? - these are pretty straightforward questions. They have the potential to enable someone the room to explore themselves and learn to sort to their own mind out. But they are only helpful with someone who wants to find those answers for themselves.

1) Do you feel unable and useless? - this is called a leading question: it puts ideas into peoples minds and has the potential to get in the way of them finding their own feelings. But if a person really doesn't recognise what they are feeling, then a list of possible feelings can help them to see it.

2) Do you feel unable or is is that you just can't be bothered? - this is called an emotive question: it is intended to challenge someone by touching the emotional buttons. It has the potential to bring the emotional blockages to the surface and help someone deal with them and change their view. But it is a special skill to then be able to turn that emotive response into a positive that supports the person in dealing with it.

This is where this thread gets stuck - it uses emotive questions that people have responded to emotively...but then they are apologising for expressing their feelings and taking the thread the 'wrong' way.

If the intention of the thread was to open a nice, chatty discussion about goals, then the style of questioning wasn't appropriate for that.

But if the intention was to encourage emotive responses to enable people to deal with them and look at life anew, then it was successful.

It's not an easy way of questioning, it challenges the questioners need to be safe, liked or be seen as a 'good' person (thats the way it challenges me anyway). And it takes courage to do that. But I think it helps a lot to be aware of what you are doing and the choice of questioning styles available to you, otherwise you can end up feeling threatened or believing yourself to be the victim of misinterpretation.

 

[Estacia]

I'm 32. I have had PTSD since I was three. My sister tried to murder me. From there the PTSD got worse.
Childhood homeless for five years. Starvation. Rapes. Abuse. Finding my "mother" dead. Watching my dad fall down a flight of stares and died in front of me. My best friend, murdered. I'm going to stop at 16.
The list goes on. Yes, I have to make a small goal a day. There are some days my PTSD is so bad I cannot get out of bed.

 

[Estacia]

Nicolette, Thinking more about your question I can see why you asked it. You said you have lived with it over five years now. Which leads me to believe you have had a good portion of your life with out PTSD. I don't know what life is without it. I know what it is like to have moments without it. Let me tell you, it feels great. I feel free. I'm on top of the world. Then comes a flashback then another. I feel like I am back to sqaure on and I have to take baby steps just to survive the day. I hope my response helps.

 

[Nicolette]

1) Do you feel unable and useless? - this is called a leading question: it puts ideas into peoples minds and has the potential to get in the way of them finding their own feelings. But if a person really doesn't recognise what they are feeling, then a list of possible feelings can help them to see it.

From my understanding this is also a closed question which may get you little more than 'yes' or 'no'. Q. "Do you feel unable and useless" A. "Yes"...... end of response.

If the intention of the thread was to open a nice, chatty discussion about goals, then the style of questioning wasn't appropriate for that.

No it wasn't.

But if the intention was to encourage emotive responses to enable people to deal with them and look at life anew, then it was successful.

Yes it was.

 

[Nicolette]

I am not talking about when these are once in a blue moon goals when having had a bad bout of PTSD, or being in the uncontrolled phase of PTSD, nor the irregular times when PTSD just bites you. I am talking when you are generally in a 'stable' stage of dealing with PTSD and life is not throwing sh*t at you. It is when I read posts, from people who have a good grip on what is wrong with them and knowing what they need to do to manage themselves, that I just sit and wonder how many sufferers out there stagnate and don't go beyond pushing themselves to do basic tasks.

Just re-clarifying my criteria surrounding the discussion as it seems to be overlooked.

I was talking about someone like my husband who has managed PTSD, knows what he needs to do, is feeling well and he decides his goal for the day is to get dressed.... he is past that and his goal would be more akin to improving himself in some small way like his current exercise and diet regime IMHO if he wanted to continue healing.

 

[Nicolette]

I hope my response helps.

Thanks Estacia - you are one of the exceptions I outlined as your post below suggests you do not have managed PTSD.

Then comes a flashback then another. I feel like I am back to sqaure on and I have to take baby steps just to survive the day.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Today, I'm having a day where I don't want to answer the call to work this afternoon, I don't want to get out of bed because I'm really tired and feel I could sleep a bit more, and because I want to laze around on my laptop because it is easier.:whistling::angelic::bag:

HOWEVER, on friday, I managed to clean the entire house by myself, sweep, vacuum, mop, change sheets, dust, do the dishes, etc.....something I haven't been able to do for about a year.
Now that I've done that, I've permanently ruined any chance of my lazy side convincing me that its just the PTSD, and I need to stay in bed......don't know if that's a good thing or bad!:confused::p:D

But, the compliments I got from my brother and from my partner were well worth it, and considering my nightmares are getting more manageable, (at least until my family visits again!), I guess I'm going to have to get off my arse and do something about the Mt. Everest of washing I need to do.:dead:

I guess I'm one of the people that Nic was talking about, I'm capable some days of doing more than what I'm limiting myself to, now its more about whether or not I took those opportunities by the horns, or what bullshit I came up with to slack off and take it easy, and write it off as a symptom of PTSD.:ninja:

However, I AM going to compromise and allow myself a few more hours of sleep, AFTER I've made a to-do list so I can't wriggle out of it.:facepalm::sleep:

I really am my own worst enemy, but the sense of satisfaction of outwitting yourself is well worth it, and believe me, it takes some serious strategy sometimes!:whistling::sneaky:

It's not about being judged by other people or yourself, its about realization and the resulting steps you take from there.:angelic:

 

[Nicolette]

Loved what you wrote Bubzilla - Well done to you! :tup::tup: