I wish you well can your doctor offer support as this will be a trying time . Keep what you have written as it helps when under pressure. I understand the situation is complex and i assume your brother cannot live with you when he gets out otherwise he might support. Family are family but you need to convey that you cannot live in the knowledge you were abused without justice. You have not chosen lightly to put yourself through this ordeal and you need to convey that. This is about survival, truth and justice and not revenge . You also need to convey the fact that you are seeking to protect others . I wish you well and will return to offer moral support
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Trial Coming Up In 3 Weeks, I Am Scared
- Post starter Nyssa
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- Post starter
- #14
Nyssa
Silver Member
Thank you @ROBERT TALON.
There is no chance my brother will ever live with me. We are both over 30 now, and he will never be part of my life.
The trial starts in 9 days now. I try not to panic. I am still not ready to deliver my testimony. I am doing some emdr sessions to help, and it helps, but I'm not there yet.
Most of the time, I function as if my father's abuse had not really happen. I know it did, but I guess I have not integrated it really happened. I still have the refuge of disbelief. But the idea of saying it out loud in a courtroom makes it real. More real than it ever was in my head ever since it happened.
And that's terribly scary. Especially the part where he will be in the room, a few feet away from me. I never had to say it in front of him.
Part of me is screaming : "You can not say it in front of him, it is very very wrong, and completely forbidden. And it's dangerous. He'll go mad and hurt everyone, starting with you. So don't. Stick to his version of reality, it is safer"
And also this : "He'll laugh at you and roll his eyes while you talk. And this will hurt. It will be so demeaning that you'd rather believe you are crazy and that nothing ever happened."
There is no chance my brother will ever live with me. We are both over 30 now, and he will never be part of my life.
The trial starts in 9 days now. I try not to panic. I am still not ready to deliver my testimony. I am doing some emdr sessions to help, and it helps, but I'm not there yet.
Most of the time, I function as if my father's abuse had not really happen. I know it did, but I guess I have not integrated it really happened. I still have the refuge of disbelief. But the idea of saying it out loud in a courtroom makes it real. More real than it ever was in my head ever since it happened.
And that's terribly scary. Especially the part where he will be in the room, a few feet away from me. I never had to say it in front of him.
Part of me is screaming : "You can not say it in front of him, it is very very wrong, and completely forbidden. And it's dangerous. He'll go mad and hurt everyone, starting with you. So don't. Stick to his version of reality, it is safer"
And also this : "He'll laugh at you and roll his eyes while you talk. And this will hurt. It will be so demeaning that you'd rather believe you are crazy and that nothing ever happened."
D
Deleted member 541
@Nyssa This has to be one of the hardest things that you've ever done, and I am so proud of you for doing it. You will speak not only for yourself that day, but for thousands of other victims that have never had the opportunity or courage to do so. So THANK YOU!!!!!
it certainly is can you not request video link because of the trauma. Make this an issue. In a civilized society this should not happen. Understand about your brother it was an idea based on fact his life was messed up to. I think you need to strongly speak with your team to reduce trauma. A false allegation was made against me by a client who has DID because i discovered she was prostituting herself and did not want this revealed . Good Luck be strong and tell yourself I don't do abuse anymore i will have justice
My father taught me. God chooses your relatives thank god you can choose your friends
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- Post starter
- #17
Nyssa
Silver Member
Hello everyone,
Thank you again for your support.
It is over !! For now, at least.
My brother was found guilty of all charges and sentenced to 15 years of prison. He had previously admitted some form of sexual abuse on 2 victims, and he did not say more during the trial. But all 16 plaintiffs, including myself, are now recognized as victims.
My father was acquitted of the rape charges but found guilty of sexual assaults (in France, rape implies penetration, all other forms of sexual violence are labelled as "sexual assault" and considered less serious). He was sentenced to 5 years of prison.
Unlike my brother, my father was not in custody before the trial. So he was arrested right after the verdict was delivered, in the courthouse. I missed it, because I was looking the other way and I ran out of the courthouse as soon as the judge was done reading the verdict. But people told it was quite a moment.
My mother has now two prisoners to visit.
They have until next monday to appeal. I hope they won't, but they might. I was certain my father would appeal if he was ever found guilty. But since he has been partially acquitted, he might not do it. I have no idea what my brother will do.
Thank you again for your support.
It is over !! For now, at least.
My brother was found guilty of all charges and sentenced to 15 years of prison. He had previously admitted some form of sexual abuse on 2 victims, and he did not say more during the trial. But all 16 plaintiffs, including myself, are now recognized as victims.
My father was acquitted of the rape charges but found guilty of sexual assaults (in France, rape implies penetration, all other forms of sexual violence are labelled as "sexual assault" and considered less serious). He was sentenced to 5 years of prison.
Unlike my brother, my father was not in custody before the trial. So he was arrested right after the verdict was delivered, in the courthouse. I missed it, because I was looking the other way and I ran out of the courthouse as soon as the judge was done reading the verdict. But people told it was quite a moment.
My mother has now two prisoners to visit.
They have until next monday to appeal. I hope they won't, but they might. I was certain my father would appeal if he was ever found guilty. But since he has been partially acquitted, he might not do it. I have no idea what my brother will do.
- Post starter
- #19
Nyssa
Silver Member
They did. No appeal !!
D
Deleted member 541
Congratulations @Nyssa You did an amazing job of standing up for yourself and others. Be proud of what you accomplished........
- Post starter
- #23
Nyssa
Silver Member
Thank you.
Yes, @Poofycat , being heard and (at least partially) believed in court definitely holds a healing power. More than I though it would, actually. I wish it could happen to more victims.
And yes, @She Cat , I am kind of proud I made it through. Those 9 days of court were incredibly painful. But there were also some good and powerful moments. Especially with the other victims' parents, and the few kids who were old enough to come. We supported each other, and they were all so nice to me, it was incredible.
Yes, @Poofycat , being heard and (at least partially) believed in court definitely holds a healing power. More than I though it would, actually. I wish it could happen to more victims.
And yes, @She Cat , I am kind of proud I made it through. Those 9 days of court were incredibly painful. But there were also some good and powerful moments. Especially with the other victims' parents, and the few kids who were old enough to come. We supported each other, and they were all so nice to me, it was incredible.
Missycat
Diamond Member
Omg @Nyssa you are so brave and you should be so proud of yourself for fighting on , it must have been so difficult.
Being heard and believed is powerful and i can understand how this must make you feel.
I am a survivor of incest csa too and in therapy and one day hope to be able to take the brave step you did.
*hugs* if accepted.
Being heard and believed is powerful and i can understand how this must make you feel.
I am a survivor of incest csa too and in therapy and one day hope to be able to take the brave step you did.
*hugs* if accepted.
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