General Trigger Management..... They Say "routines" Help, What Are Your Routines?

[F-18Wife]

My husband is a high functioning PTSD sufferer... but I honestly think the reason his is so high functioning is because we have a web of routines that support the "order" of our home life.

Most days my husband manages his triggers and anxiety pretty well. He manages his acute anxiety with exercise and as a result has become a nationally and internationally ranked Ironman. But there are still days when the anxiety runs ahead of him especially since retiring from active duty and transitioning to civilian employment (huge trigger).

Everything I have read in the last 4 years says that routines are the healthiest way I can help manage triggers and anxiety.....

This may sound a bit gooney..... but I actually tuck my husband into bed *lol* I just snuggle him a bit (non-sexually) rub his head and tell him that I think he's awesome. I also fill up and start the micro diffuser with water and an essential oil "sleep well" formula. For some reason this routine calms him and he sleeps a lot better.... he thought I was nuts when I bought the diffuser but now he is the one who gets online and orders the Sleep Well formula.... so I know it somehow helps.

What are some of the routines y'all use to short circuit anxiety?

 

[watundah]

First off, would you come tuck me in for a small fee? That's fantastic that you are so kind and committed to him.

I lost my job in January so routine kind of went out the window then my spouse lost their job so I am really missing structure! I agree with the exercise portion to battle anxiety and do hike, bike, yoga or go to the gym almost every day. That will change with the arrival of winter so I want to focus on my art and make that a routine. I think making a list every morning of what I want to do and a good calendar on my phone help as I have goals and purpose. And this is from someone who doesn't like a lot of structure.

 

[Changing4Best]

Usually I get up in the morning after I can no longer sleep (this is because I often wake in the middle of the night from nightmares, but I think I'd like to try that difuser and essential oil you tried, it can't hurt! Anyway, I make my bed and then have a breakfast, which is usually cereal and then some juice with my meds, or I drink one cup of coffee and take my meds. Then I read my Bible for as long as I feel like reading it. Sometimes that is only one chapter of it, sometimes a lot more, or if I have to go out for any reason and I am running late, I might not read it at all.

I usually come online after that and check my email, come here, and then put on my favorite radio station, thejoyfm.com, which one can stream on one's computer from anywhere in the world. They have stations in Florida, Georgia and Tennesee (USA) so I listen to the one that is closest to me, even though it is 75 miles away from where I live. They don't have news often, and if it is news at all, it is usually not alarmingly horrible. They do have weather and the traffic reports, but hey, you have to figure that a radio station that is listener supported and plays contemporary gospel music is worth the extra thing you don't need once in awhile. I find this radio station to be very relaxing to the listen to, and since I choose not to have a TV (so I can avoid all the sex and violence), radio keeps my mind free of the pain etc. of PTSD and is worth the sacrifice of having no TV.

On weekdays I usually go to the Senior Center in my town. I take the Seniors' bus there for one dollar. It is a place where senior citizens gather and socialize, do an exercise program and listen to lectures of interest or play a game of Bingo. At eleven-thirty we have lunch and then we take the bus home. However, first we can take the bus to anywhere in town that we need to go, as long as we don't stay there for more than about 5 minutes. Places we can stop are: The health food store, the post office, the bank, the grocery store, the drugstore, Dollar General and another discount store that also sells cloths. Oh yes, we can go to the hardware store too.

When I get home I take my meds, then I usually read a biography. I try to choose ones that do not have violence or sex in them. Usually this means I will read a biography written by someone who is religious. Sometimes this means reading someone other than a Christian, but usually I read biographies by or about Christians.

At around 4:30 in the afternoon I eat a light supper. I don't eat desserts at all at any meal, so I don't gain weight. I have worked hard to stay at a healthy weight, so my health does not suffer.

I might go out for an evening walk, and look at the mountains, trees, birds, etc. I find that admiring God's creation is very beneficial for my mental health. Also walking increases my oxygen intake, which is vital to my physical health and well being mentally as well!

I try to go to bed at 7:30 in the evening, so that if I wake up with a nightmare in the middle of the night, I can calm myself and then hopefully get back to sleep again. If I cannot sleep within the next hour or so, then I come here to chat and amuse myself until it is time for breakfast.

Weekends the senior center is not open, so on Saturday, I do the laundry and stuff like that. Sunday I go to church in the morning, out to lunch with friends from church and then home to relax and enjoy a peaceful afternoon and evening at home.

Oh, I belong to the church choir, so we have practice on Wednesday evenings and we get to church early on Sunday mornings so we can do some fine tuning to our hymns before we sing them in church.

If I go visit a friend, or invite someone here, I usually do so on Saturdays or on a weekday that I don't go to the senior center. It is closed on most holidays.

Thursday mornings a lady comes and takes me to the grocery store, so I can do my week's shopping.

I am retired and on Social Security Disability. (This is a government pension for disabled people in the USA. My disabilities include PTSD, but I also have several other disabilities as well).

 

[shimmerz]

Structure is really difficult for me because along with structure come expectations (of myself). Perhaps on the days that your husband wipes out, letting him know that nothing is expected of him, reminding him of how well he is doing, would perhaps be a help to him.

 

[Friday]

I have no interior sense of structure, so I have to create structure externally.

And, yes... When I'm doing well, one of the biggest things that helps me maintain that are my routines. When I'm doing badly? They help pop me back up outta the dark before it can gets its claws in me to deep / is(are) one of my safety nets.

For myself... I need a combo of flexibility & always. Flexibility, so that I can roll with changes & take advantage of good impulses. Always, so that I have touchstones that help keep me balanced.

Here's an example of routine & flexibility: My day absolutely needs to contain Physical & Mental. Physical can be gym for an hour, or it can be 10 hours of snowboarding... But each and every single day needs a physical component to it. Not all days get it, I get sick/injured/etc., but as long as most do? I'm okay. Ditto, all days need a mental component. Whether that's reading for fun, serious research, good conversation... I need to turn my brain on at least once a day :p There are other things I block into my daily or weekly schedule, as well. But those are 2 good examples of type.

Examples of always / really strict routines that leave me feeling seriously f*cked up if I miss them: Shower (or some kind of water) first thing when I wake up. It lets me know I'm human, & wakes me up, & keeps me very much in the "I am planning my day" frame of mind. I can live without showers or swimming. In the field I go weeks without showering. No problem. But if I'm not showering at home? That's exactly where my head goes; back to working in the field. These kinds of pinpoint routines (<grin> Also including kissing my son goodnight!) are very different, yet equally necessary as my blocky / flexible routines.

 

[The Albatross]

I think routines are important, though I try not to fall into the trap if something doesn't come through (rely on any one part of it too heavily or get more angst if something snaffo's).

I do something for body, mind and spirit before I leave the house each day... aside from the general shower/oral care/grooming things that are necessary to leave the house. Body stuff is stretching, hot or cold pack, manicure, hairstyle etc... walking on the beach before work. Mind is check in's on the forum or peers and reading articles about PTSD or recovery stuff. Spirit is inspirational reading of some sort ... some comes to my inbox and I pick new ones each year, sometimes it's music or nature (I tend the birds, squirrels and a rooster who adopted our front yard).

I find walking on the ground barefoot (dirt/sand/grass) grounding.

I rise at a set time, give or take an hour or so... I have a regular bed time give or take an hour or so. (If I'm here on the forum after 10:30 pm OR before 4:30 am, usually I'm stressing, or something is rotten in Denmark and I'm distracting)

I have a set of "rigid/fixed" commitments for 6 days every week... and I mix in "flexible" commitments that I schedule, but can do or ditch out on depending on my mental emotional condition (like errands, grocery shopping, visiting or lunch with someone).

I have a peer support system and keep it alive by email or by phone with other women who have and share PTSD.

I had a back injury this year, slow to heal but exercise is usually in the cards.

I manage my physical chronic illnesses and when necessary make adjustments or take the appropriate actions to see a doctor if things change.

I avoid meal skipping and eat 3 meals a day... at least two healthy and nutritious.

I hydrate mostly with water and herbal teas... avoiding sugar/concentrated sweets and caffeine... though I allow a couple cups of "half caf" each morning.

It took me a while to put these things into place, then I had to use my "P's" - practice, persistence, patience, perseverance and (optional for the secular) prayer so that they would become habit and then new behaviors. I did this by planning and executing a number of goal challenges... some 7 day, some 30 day, some 60 or 90 day and some one year (short/middle/longer term goal setting). It was beneficial because it helped me to seek out and find tools/skill sets to deal with stressors or anxiety during the activity or task of the challenge and on completions I would get a sense of competency that over-wrote the thoughts/feelings from my inner critic or past experiences.

For triggers, I identified them... sights, sounds, smells, touch, etc where I was able and then did some controlled exposures... some with my spouse or a volunteer, then eventually solo and repeated the exposures til the level of anxiety was reduced to a manageable degree. There are though a very specific set of triggers that at times I am unprepared for. I have very few episodes annually now.

Things have improved, though at times I can get over stressed or multiple situations/people and often noise can be too much.

 

[F-18Wife]

I am laughing out loud at you @watundah

When you stop and think about to when you were a kid getting tucked into bed was really a positive end and last chance at sweet contact with someone you love (namely a parent) so it only makes sense that it really nurtures the souls sense of place. And yes, I wish I could send you a snuggle and tuck in..... especially it if would make things better on a rotten day.

I will say it also goes a long way to making me feel connected to my spouse which helps since I really get burnt out on his anxiety level easily these days when it is constantly acute rather than more latent. Also it helps to keep attached intimately since when he is spooled up there is none and no sex as well.... so being able to just touch him and be close buoys my soul too.