So i basically don't function well beyond work. At work, I'm one of the best employees and am always incredibly courteous to customers. I transform into a happy social butterfly. But after work, I struggle to do simple tasks. I've been struggling with eating well because making breakfast feels more like climbing mount everest so screw that. I'm not lazy, I love working and I've been desperately wanting to clean. But that's the problem, I just can't bring myself to do anything. All of my energy is exerted on fighting the depression that I'm left constantly exhausted
So i typically tell people that I'm too busy to help out with their events. But they never really believe that since I'm just working full time in one job. I should have some time. And they're right, I have time. I just can't really do anything in that time. So today someone "voluntold" me to make chicken salad sandwiches to serve at a couples conference. Problem 1: I suck at cooking. Problem 2: I'm apathetic. So i forced myself out of bed at 3 pm (an hour before I had to be at the event. I showered and quickly made the sandwiches. No issue so far except my mother came home yelling at me about everything wrong with the sandwiches and took complete control. I'm a control freak and need control because of my sexual abuse. So then came the crippling flashbacks and even more apathy. My mother yelled at me because she can't understand how I can just stay in bed all day doing nothing. She doesn't understand how I've become so "lazy".
But I'm not
If i could, I'd take the magic pill that would bring me back to normalcy, but it doesn't exist. I can't change. I'm tired. I'm exhausted and I'm angry
So i typically tell people that I'm too busy to help out with their events. But they never really believe that since I'm just working full time in one job. I should have some time. And they're right, I have time. I just can't really do anything in that time. So today someone "voluntold" me to make chicken salad sandwiches to serve at a couples conference. Problem 1: I suck at cooking. Problem 2: I'm apathetic. So i forced myself out of bed at 3 pm (an hour before I had to be at the event. I showered and quickly made the sandwiches. No issue so far except my mother came home yelling at me about everything wrong with the sandwiches and took complete control. I'm a control freak and need control because of my sexual abuse. So then came the crippling flashbacks and even more apathy. My mother yelled at me because she can't understand how I can just stay in bed all day doing nothing. She doesn't understand how I've become so "lazy".
But I'm not
If i could, I'd take the magic pill that would bring me back to normalcy, but it doesn't exist. I can't change. I'm tired. I'm exhausted and I'm angry
