Triggered, is it unreasonable expectation to want family not to talk about abusers around me?

[Charbella]

My parents went on vacation to where some uncles live, they both abused me, but my family only knows the one, they know no details just that some sexual abuse happened, but also they’ve never asked. My mom decided to tell me about the woes and goings on of the two uncles and for the one I get it, I haven’t told her, she knows no reason to not, but the other?

So I’m triggered and I guess I don’t know if I’m being reasonable or not. Should I expect them not to talk about the uncle around me? It’s what I want but just because I want it doesn’t mean I deserve to get it, doesn’t mean it’s reasonable to expect it. When I first told she made a point to either talk bad about him or not talk about him. Now she just acts like she doesnt remember it happening, or does and is gauging my reaction. I honestly can’t tell. Truly it irks me that they even talk to him, it’s part of the reason I don’t say anything about the other one, I didn’t want to take that connection from them, and part of me didn’t want the rejection of them not doing anything.

He’s family so I never expected them to severe ties, I’m sure part of me thought they should, but I accepted it wouldn’t happen years ago, seems like a lot to accept that they can’t even leave him out of conversations with me. Am I wrong? How do others feel about this issue, assuming I’m not the only one.

 

[Friday]

no I have not set boundaries

Plus I have no problem avoiding her and by not responding when she talks about him and even walking away she’ll get the message better than asking her not to because it will require her to acknowledge that I have feelings which she isn’t any good at

That bold part IS setting and enforcing boundaries.

She talks about him… so you don’t respond or walk away.

Asking someone not to do something is making a request, not creating or enforcing boundaries.

 

[Weemie]

So yes I am asking that she be a mind reader.

See, I'm of the opinion that it's completely valid to stop talking to people for literally any reason. It would be unreasonable to expect her to be a mindreader and then punish her for failing to do so. But choosing not to talk to her? As an adult, you are free to choose who you interact with. That's the joy of voluntary association, right? You don't have to bitch her out or get passive aggressive. You can just stop talking to her.