Triggered Yesterday

[mytai]

@Echo, I don't pretend to know what takes so long or what the process is. I just hope it means that they are able to do something.

@TimeToHeal, I will let you guys know for sure.

 

[Echo]

Don't worry, @mytai, it was just a rhetorical question, not one you should answer. I also hope they have already done something and will get a result for you.

 

[mytai]

I had my session with my T today. My T ended up sitting across from me on the floor and asked me if I could look her in the eye. I managed to twice very briefly. She wasn't pushy, told me I didn't have to, that I had a choice. She talked to me a bit about communication through eyes etc. how you connect.

My T also told me she is in this for the long haul and won't leave me. I really needed that reassurance today. I feel like a huge pain sometimes, so I'm glad she is sticking with me. Then I ended up having a flashback for the rest of the session and didn't get to talk to her about a few things I had wanted to. So I ended up sending her an email after about those few things.

I tried to contact the police two or three times today. Each time they said they were sending a message to the officers car so he would call me but he hasn't yet. And no one else will provide me with an update. I'm tempted to go into the station tomorrow to try and get one in person. Frustrating and nerve wracking.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Ughh..... How frustrating the police haven't called you back. Frustrating on more than one level, I'd imagine. Don't be afraid to go into the station if they continue to not return your calls. This is important and you deserve some answers and an update!

Sounds like you got some vitally important reassurance and affirmation from your T today, I hope that you are comforted by that. Your T seems wonderful and a great support to you.

In spite of your frustrations and disappointment today, I do hope you have been able to take good care of yourself.

Hugs to you. :hug:

 

[mytai]

@TimeToHeal, I really did get some incredibly important reassurance from her yesterday. She also commented on how good the scars look and how she thinks they will get better, but also understands why I would be very self-conscious about them.

She talked a lot about love today, how it can be healing when it is unconditional. That when I'm able to look her in the eyes that I will see love and caring there. I don't understand the concept of love, I don't know what it means to the general population. I only know that to me love equals pain - manipulation, favours, harm both words and physical. I wrote that in the email I sent her after, that I don't understand what love actually is because that's what it means to me. Love hurts.

She also leant me her stones she uses for grounding. They are large black stones, I think she said tourmaline. She wants me to try using them to help me ground this week. She also offered me a hug before I left, which I appreciated. I wasn't in a head space to ask, I was still a little scatter brained after the flashback, but it helped make me aware of what was going on around me.

I'm trying to take good care of myself but I'm not going to lie, I haven't been doing the greatest job. I'm in a binge cycle right now. I eat a lot (usually complete junky crap) in a short span, and then I punish myself by not eating to make up for the binge. Never been a puker but I do restrict.

 

[mytai]

@TimeToHeal and @Echo, the police just called me back with an update. So it isn't "bad" news but no good news either.

The video footage showed nothing, there were freaking trees in the way blocking the camera from seeing my car. There was also zero footage from the second place where I was attacked. They have already gone to talk to him, they took his DNA to see if it matches the DNA collected from December. So basically he's done for at this point because once it comes back as a match he will be charged. But I am freaking out because they talked to him. They are checking on his alibis for the time of the attacks. The detective said that it could take a while for the results of the DNA to come back. In the meantime I'm losing it hoping he isn't pissed off. I hope he isn't stupid enough to come into town now that the police are onto him.

 

[Echo]

@mytai - wow, I'm not surprised you are scared now! I am though really pleased that they've taken his DNA. About time, too. But you are really going to have to watch out, aren't you? I do hope he now accepts he has had it, but he doesn't show much sign of being reasonable, does he? He has brought this on himself by the recent attacks. I wonder if they would have got as far as talking to him and DNA tests, if he hadn't attacked you again.

Have you had any time to think what you can do to further protect yourself? I don't wish to frighten you, but do you think he might go as far as getting a horrible friend of his to come into town instead of him? Have the police suggested anything? You must almost be into the realms of witness protection now (you being number one witness).

Hugs, as ever, to you. I wish we could do something practical to help you.

 

[mytai]

@Echo, I am going to have to watch out. I have had time to think about it but haven't. I don't know what he's capable of anymore. The police haven't suggested anything.

 

[Echo]

Perhaps it would help you to know the timescale of the DNA tests at least. Is there any possibility of taking some kind of emergency leave and going away somewhere, to a friend or something, so that is doesn't cost too much? The tension and fear must be so hard for you. I wonder if a rape charity would help you find safe accommodation perhaps for a short period of time.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Wow @mytai, they certainly seem to be taking this very seriously - so for that, it IS good news!

I certainly understand your heightened sense of fear though. I know you've had issues with parking while at work - do you know where the surveillance cameras are located? Perhaps you could be mindful to park close to them. At least that would be something, since they're not yet willing to provide you with an escort after hours.

I hope you are able to do something you enjoy this weekend that may serve to keep your mind off things, if even just briefly.

Hugs to you.

 

[mytai]

@Echo I refuse to run and hide. That doesn't mean I'm not scared but I'm not going to hide away.

@TimeToHeal, I feel like they are taking it seriously this time. Unfortunately there are no security cameras at work. I'm not doing anything this weekend other than work and trying to get my butt in motion with packing.