Relationship Triggering Your Fiance's Ptsd/anxiety/depression

[Coreman111416]

Hi,

The other night my fiance' and I were being intimate and I had her perform oral sex on me, dont get me wrong I didn't make her do anything. Afterwards she then informs me that her past sexual abuser would make her do the same thing, oral sex right in the middle of regular copulation.

My fiance' has been very withdrawn since then and barely speaks or eats. What are things I can to to help her feel better? Also I really could use any help on dating a woman with issues such as these. If anyone has any suggestions on any books or ebooks that are good for this kind of situation.

Thank you all and I hope I can get some help, I love her so, very much!!!

 

[Teamwork]

It's likely triggered her into the memory. She can't separate the two at the moment. Sometimes a simple phrase such as I'm hear if you want to talk, or suggesting that doesn't need to be a part of our intimacy for now if it would be helpful to you to not do it, or let her know that you trust her to lead the way in intimacy so it's less triggering IF she is at a place of knowing what may trigger. The zoned out is going to the trauma place and not the current place. It really matters not so much what you read up on but how open to the supporter role she is. A lot of stuff read in books doesn't necessarily apply. But if she knows grounding techniques ask her to teach you. If she does not ask then if you can learn together. It's important to know if she wants to avoid triggers at all costs, which makes life hard to navigate or if she is self aware of triggers and can say well even though it would be nice if we do this or that there is a potential for unresolved trauma to come up so I may go there and deal with the trigger or you and I can find a safe way to be together that we both are happy with.

 

[MisterCatLady]

Triggers can leave a sufferer withdrawn for a bit. Sometimes it's just a day but for me it usually tops out at about a week. Just be supportive and patient. I'm glad she has you, an understanding partner in her life.