Triggers and depression

[BlueCindy71]

I get so very depressed when I get triggered. What frustrates me, is that 99% of the time, life is really cool. But, every now and then I trigger or have a nightmare. The next 2 days or so are total hell. I don't want to take meds, as I've been prescribed many, many different meds, and the only thing they did was turn me into a numb zombie who couldn't process anything. I had about 18 months of ptsd therapy, but thanks to the meds they had me on, I don't remember a thing. Been in treatment for this since 2007, to no avail. So very frustrated right now. I just feel like psychs are clueless and therapists are heartless. It's difficult not to feel like they are only in it for the money, and don't actually give a rat's behind about me.

 

[joeylittle]

But, every now and then I trigger or have a nightmare. The next 2 days or so are total hell.

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling.

Can you write more about what your symptoms are, in those two days after a trigger? Even just, describe a typical day (if it's not too upsetting), vs. how things normally are with you...it might help us give you more advice.

 

[BlueCindy71]

It is always brought on by a trigger. For example, Saturday, a guy from the age group of one of my attackers said something very inappropriate to me. My attacker was a 60 yo vet, so that group is VERY difficult to be around. I get profoundly depressed, hypervigilant, relive my assaults in excruciating vivid detail, just feel all around overwhelmed and hopeless. I refuse to get help, as I've tried since 2007, and it's been useless. The therapists that I've had have been downright mean, have pretty much told me to suck it up and stop whining. I've been hospitalized 3 times, but all that happens there is I get held against my will for about 5-6 days at a time, have meds thrown at me, and get treated like garbage by the staff. One nurse actually told me that I get the treatment that I deserve. I'm not a nasty person, I was raised to be very respectful. She acted like she wad discipling me for bad behavior. I will never ask a professional for help again. They have no idea what they are doing, and their treatment involves intimidating patients into submission. 98 percent of the time, I am fine. It's just those triggers.

 

[BlueCindy71]

Starting to come out on the other side. Thank goodness. Thanks for listening.