Sexual Assault Triggers and trying to help new partner understand

[MissScarred86]

Hi All,

Ok so my eldest daughter is 11 and whilst I was pregnant with her i was subject to repeated sexual assaults at the hands of her father. During pregnancy my labido had dropped and he was not having that so he would pin me down and do what he wanted whilst covering my face with a pillow to muffle cries.
Over the years I thought I had internally dealt with the scars and learnt how to avoid most triggers.

But now I am currently 4 months pregnant to my the love of my life and I am really struggling emotionally, as I almost cannot bare to be touched, or even looked at naked. Even looking at myself brings a feeling of worthlessness. It really upsets my partner, I have tried to explain it is nothing to do with him and he is understanding, but still hurts when I flinch when he touches me.

Can anyone offer me advice on how to cope through the next 5 months!?

 

[The Albatross]

You don't say if your currently in treatment/recovery with a therapist. If you aren't I'd see one.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

This has nothing to do with trauma, but when I was pregnant with my second baby and at the doctor, feeling miserable, I said something negative about myself to my OB doctor. He looked me in the eye and said "your are beautiful, carrying life inside of you, a miracle!" Maybe, when you look in the mirror, you can focus on the the joy and miracle of what is inside of you. To try to move your thought patterns to something good. And I realize that may be impossible with the triggers and fear of touch. It sounds like your current partner is supportive. Maybe start facing each other and let him gently touch your belly where the baby is growing and focus on that intimacy and joy.

I am sorry that a special beautiful time has been shadowed by trauma.