Relationship Trying To Avoid A Huge Fight

[Sephira]

I just want to scream " this isn't my fault!!! Stop blaming me!!" I want to email him and explain how sorry I am and how I want to fix this. I want to call him and beg him to forgive me over something so small. Tell him I'm worried he'll leave me and that I'm sorry everything has been so shitty lately.

But I can't. It will make things worse. So, this weekend I'll sit and worry while he goes out with his friends then when he calls on Sunday he'll pretend everything is fine while I'm still sad and upset over tonight. He never apologizes, rarely resolves anything. He just expects me to pretend our fight never happened, he didn't hurt my feelings and be Ms. Happy and bubbly. Sorry for the rant.

 

[Peach]

I'm so sorry. That sounds so awful. My heart breaks for you. Since he's off his meds I don't suppose it anything will be resolved for a while. I hope in the meantime you can try to relax and know that there is a combination of things causing this backslide and while it really sucks right now, there is hope that in a few months things can return to normal. In the meantime, take care of you and give both of you some space.:hug:

 

[technigirl]

Told him I thought about how I was thinking about how I loved him last night and he said I sounded like a stalker and that it was creepy and weird. Is that creepy and weird?

Wow. No, that is absolutely not creepy and weird, and what a jerky thing for him to say!

I just want to scream " this isn't my fault!!! Stop blaming me!!" I want to email him and explain how sorry I am and how I want to fix this. I want to call him and beg him to forgive me over something so small. Tell him I'm worried he'll leave me and that I'm sorry everything has been so shitty lately.

I don't think you owe him any apologies, from what you've said here. Don't say you're sorry and beg for forgiveness when you haven't done anything wrong, that just devalues you and shows a lack of self-confidence. It's not YOUR fault things have been shitty. Do not take his words to heart and let him make you think this is your fault! This is his issue, not yours. Is he planning to start up his meds again? Is he on any other meds besides anti-depressants? Is he doing any therapy? It sounds like this came somewhat out of the blue. I understand that he's under stress, but that is still no excuse to treat you poorly, without so much as an apology. It could be that you are now seeing what he is like when under stress, and it's not pretty. Unless he is working on his issues, I'd expect that he will be like this any time he has a stressful life event. And remodeling, while it certainly can cause stress, is not that high on the list of stressful life events in the broad scheme of things. You will have to decide if that's something you can live with. I agree with PPs that taking some time for yourself to think about things and regroup is a good idea.

Good luck, and lots of :hug: to you!

 

[Sephira]

Thank you for the replies, I needed some affirmation and support. Intellectually I know you're right Technigirl, but man this sucks! No contact, no apology and I'm just sad. He knows me so well, and knows when he isolates I worry. Just going to try and relax ( easier said than done)! It'll be a few weeks until he gets his meds so it's going to be rocky till then. Thanks again!!

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm a sufferer. My husband, God rest his soul, was one of the most patient people I have ever met. In fact he was so good to me that I know no one else could or would ever live up to his standard, so I don't plan on getting into any relationship like that again. If God has other plans, I guess I will have to comply, but so far, I am a single widow. I'm not interested in anyone at all. Sure, a few guys have made passes, but I have not reciprocated. Also, I don't plan to. I tell you this, because I think our sufferer personalities require extreme patience in a spouse and this trait is rare.

 

[Sephira]

Just an update: he's so much better now. Doctor put him on meds, and he changed his diet. Times like the last few weeks remind me how much I love him. Even with PTSD, he is so amazing- I don't mind weathering the tough times when they come.

Thank you all for supporting me and understanding for the times when his PTSD takes over for a while. Very few people in my life do. It is most appreciated!!