Trying To Figure Out Life After Ecstasy (combat)

[Animal1]

I am an Iraq vet living in north Idaho. I still don't know how to come off the high of those slow motion moments of perfect human performance in the thick of a raging firefight. I go in and out of bad times, wanting to tear myself out of my own body, wanting to go back for more killing and death, wanting to die over there and wondering what the hell I am supposed to do, living my life surrounded by a bunch of nasty civilians who think life is all about
looking sexy and leasing an expensive car. I get to feeling very isolated and want to explode. I am trying to tone this down by about 90%.
That's me, I'm lost. I believe there has to be some solution for the rest of life. I don't want to hear anymore about breathing techniques.
Does anyone else feel this way? Is there some kind of outlet that you have found?

 

[Animal1]

I was a Sgt. of Infantry Marines.

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome to the forum mate.
How long have you been back mate???
The feelings you are experiencing are normal. You don't really want to be back killing, you just want to be back in that environment where you are a member of an important team and you mean something.
The feelings of being back will eventually fade away and the horror of battle will keep going. The problem with being surrounded by selfish civilians will linger though.
They are always worried about the petty stuff.

 

[Anglesachse]

Welcome to the fold Animal mate. Yeah those feelings are common, I guess just about all of us on here can relate to them.

As for your breathing techniques, yeah there is a lot of stuff to learn to be able to control the beast, but there will allways be the days you just don`t want to use them.

It`s a long road Brother, hang in there it does get easier

 

[Ned]

Hello Animal. You've hit the major issue that we all have. And that is absolutely normal. Mate, how can you be bothered with all that bling tripe after doing stuff?
If you're sort of in one piece I reccommend phys, get a sweat on. It gets the energy out. You will learn to live anew, and find your ways of dealing with it. Some good reading here from people who've done just that.
(Still can't be f**ked with most of the civvy shit, tho.......)

 

[Zipperhead]

Welcome.

 

[daniel]

Take your DD214 and get your ass to the Vet Center today, Marine! Meds help tame that down. It's hard! I live up in NW Montana. I been back for decades and I still get very similar feelings. Why torture yourself? Call ahead and tell them just what you posted here. They will have someone ready to talk. There is a PTSD program in Boise and a new one in Helena, MT. If you are up as far as me you can use one of these (only two vet centers in Idaho are Boise and Pocatella):

Kalispell Vet Center​

690 North Meridian Road, Suite 101
Kalispell, MT 59901
Phone: 406-257-7308 Or 877-927-8387
Fax: 406-257-7312

Missoula Vet​

Center
500 N. Higgins Avenue, Suite 202
Missoula, MT 59802
Phone: 406-721-4918
Fax: 406-329-3006

Spokane Vet Center​

100 No. Mullan Rd., Suite 102
Spokane, WA 99206
Phone: 509-444-8387
Fax: 509-444-8388
Normal working hours are 8:00am to 4:30pm Monday through Friday. In an effort to better serve the veteran and family members, upon request Vet Centers will provide services after normal work hours and/or on weekends.

 

[tadowler]

Welcome Semper Fi

 

[Sarg]

Welcome, Marine! Always can use one more hand in piecing this picture puzzle together.

Sarg

 

[daniel]

Animal, I kinda didn't answer your question because the pain and anger I read got in the way. Some guys use "mad minutes." That's where they go out and just let loose with their weapons. I always thought it was a waste of ammo since they even track those purchases. I go up into the mountains on forest roads and get a pretty good view of everything below. Then I scream and scream and scream some more until I release all the pent up energy. It's a mild snow year so you should be able to get up pretty high. Try it! Scream on top of your lungs from way down in your gut.

 

[Need an Oasis]

Welcome Animal.

If you're sort of in one piece I reccommend phys, get a sweat on. It gets the energy out.

I so agree with that. I do that, too.

The civilian petty stuff, I can only speak from my female perspective. I'm planning my wedding, and I know it's supposed to be full of "exciting" moments like choosing flowers, whatever, but half the time I'm thinking to myself, I can't be bothered to sit and choose cake flavors and color schemes. I think of the stuff I have seen and been involved in, the stuff that puts me here in this forum, and it seems so unimportant, trivial, and irrelevant to worry about what color my napkins are.

 

[Ned]

Hey NaO, delegate.......