Im not too sure what Im looking for hear I guess just some advice.
I was in the Army 4 years and did a 15 month deployment to Iraq in 08-09. I was an engineer a construction equipment operator in a combat engineer bn. We went on convoys all over Iraq from pretty much everywhere from Kirkuk to Basra. We would travel to smaller fobs some so small they only had 1 or 2 companys to build additions put up hesco and layout gravel, did a few Iraqi army bases, British, and built one from scratch. A lot of crater repair and helping the sapper companys in my bn with route clearance.
We had alot of other construction work in cities all over, and because we were always somewhere new it was unfamiliar and that much more dangerous we had some close calls with IEDs foind alot of them and saw a few blow up. A friend in another plt in my company was hit by an EFP and died. There were 3 daisy chained 2 people in another vic were injured and the 3rd missed. I wasnt there on that convoy but I saw the truck after because we recovered it. It wasnt pretty it blew a hole in oneside of the RG31 hit him in the head and right out the otherside. So you can imagine what the inside looked like. We saw alot of mortars esspecially on the small fobs far from any cobs in some real shitty cities. One time a dud landed about 20 ft from my platoons tent. We were still sleeping heard no explosion just the sound of a round in the air so figured it was outgoing fire but a few moments later 5-6 more hit reallyreally close.
But by far my worst experiencein Iraq was when we had a very long convoy from moving our unit from COB Speicher near Tikrit all the way to Tallil near Nasiriyah. We stopped at afob about half way after like 20 hours on the road to sleep got up and kept going just after we got out of Baghdad back on long empty strech of desert I hear what sounds like an explosion. We stop i turn around my truck and see the one behind me hit a parked vehicle on the side of the road and we were doing like 50mph. The entire roof and turret ripped off and carried the gunner one of my friends with it like 15ft from the rest of the humvee. The tc was crushed between the seat and dash and was severley injured. A convoy passing by stopped saw was happening and a bunch of them jumped to help there about 8 people trying to get the gunner out and 4-5 trying to help the tc. I wanted to help i kept getting out and going over to the wreck my Lt kept yelling at me to stay in the vic cause i was his driver. So I had to watch as they were finally freed and carried to the medevac helicopter. The gunner was in really bad shape his head was smashed open the roof crushed his ribs an eye was hanging out but he was alive. The tc was severly wounded not as bad and the driver walked to the blackhawk with some scraps. Turns out he fell asleep behind the wheel. Thanks to my commander who was in such a hurry to get there he pushed us so hard. Noone knew if they would be ok we loaded up the wreckage and towed the humvee with our wrecker to the closest fob like 15 mins away. A little after we got there our 1sg told us the tc was in a coma and going to germany, he started crying as he told us all that the gunner didnt make it he had died on the helicopter. Everyone was silent and started to cry too.
Sorry this was so long I started writting this earlier and came back to it after a few beers. Seems like the only time I can really talk about this kinda shit. I cant believe I even wrote all this it seems easier here as its not face to face. The VA diagnosed me with PTSD I tryed their counceling they put me in called the center for returning veterans oif/oef what a joke. I didnt like it because they give you a f*cking intern a damn med student who doesnt know a thing about war or the military whos there for like 6 months doesnt have any experiance so I quit and tried again a few months later accually opened up a little the 4th time seeing her but still the same problem she was leaving in a few months and didnt get it or understand anything about the Army. Its hard to tell someone who doesnt fully understand. This isnt exactly combat related but definetly makes it all worse. 6 days after I got to Kuwait before I even got to Iraq I got a red cross message to come home because my mom was sick. She died like 12 hours after i got to the hospital in Boston while I was sitting in the bed next to her still in my acus covered in dust. After the funeral I was on a plane back and meet up with my platoon in Iraq a few days after they got there.
The main reason Im writting this long ass story is I need to get my life together. In the past few years Ive had bad anger anxiety esspecially in crowds jumpiness road rage. Since I got out and moved back home last year its gotten way worse. Before my friends and I that I deployed with all hung out together everyday and were always there for each other to talk about these things. Now back at home I have noone that gets it. I dont even know anyone here thats been in the military nevermind been deployed or have ptsd. They only family I have left my grandmother doesnt get it she acts like shes more f*cked up than me cause her daughter my mom died I dont even talk to her any more cause we dont get along. So i really have noone but my wife and I live with my wifes family. Im on probation for beating the shit out of some old bastard that said something f*cked up about my father in law right after he died in sept. The biggest problem is I have a wife and son to take care of and have been unemployed for a long time. Im in such a rut and pretty much given up. I think the anxiety is a huge reason too. It keeps me from wanting to get out and do anything esspecially with trying find work I almost never leave the house anymore. Having very little money just multiplys it. Lately I sleep all day till like 1-5 pm cause Ive been so f*cking depressed I need to get out of this rut and get back to normal. Start doing something with my life again any helpful advise from people who understand whould be great.
I was in the Army 4 years and did a 15 month deployment to Iraq in 08-09. I was an engineer a construction equipment operator in a combat engineer bn. We went on convoys all over Iraq from pretty much everywhere from Kirkuk to Basra. We would travel to smaller fobs some so small they only had 1 or 2 companys to build additions put up hesco and layout gravel, did a few Iraqi army bases, British, and built one from scratch. A lot of crater repair and helping the sapper companys in my bn with route clearance.
We had alot of other construction work in cities all over, and because we were always somewhere new it was unfamiliar and that much more dangerous we had some close calls with IEDs foind alot of them and saw a few blow up. A friend in another plt in my company was hit by an EFP and died. There were 3 daisy chained 2 people in another vic were injured and the 3rd missed. I wasnt there on that convoy but I saw the truck after because we recovered it. It wasnt pretty it blew a hole in oneside of the RG31 hit him in the head and right out the otherside. So you can imagine what the inside looked like. We saw alot of mortars esspecially on the small fobs far from any cobs in some real shitty cities. One time a dud landed about 20 ft from my platoons tent. We were still sleeping heard no explosion just the sound of a round in the air so figured it was outgoing fire but a few moments later 5-6 more hit reallyreally close.
But by far my worst experiencein Iraq was when we had a very long convoy from moving our unit from COB Speicher near Tikrit all the way to Tallil near Nasiriyah. We stopped at afob about half way after like 20 hours on the road to sleep got up and kept going just after we got out of Baghdad back on long empty strech of desert I hear what sounds like an explosion. We stop i turn around my truck and see the one behind me hit a parked vehicle on the side of the road and we were doing like 50mph. The entire roof and turret ripped off and carried the gunner one of my friends with it like 15ft from the rest of the humvee. The tc was crushed between the seat and dash and was severley injured. A convoy passing by stopped saw was happening and a bunch of them jumped to help there about 8 people trying to get the gunner out and 4-5 trying to help the tc. I wanted to help i kept getting out and going over to the wreck my Lt kept yelling at me to stay in the vic cause i was his driver. So I had to watch as they were finally freed and carried to the medevac helicopter. The gunner was in really bad shape his head was smashed open the roof crushed his ribs an eye was hanging out but he was alive. The tc was severly wounded not as bad and the driver walked to the blackhawk with some scraps. Turns out he fell asleep behind the wheel. Thanks to my commander who was in such a hurry to get there he pushed us so hard. Noone knew if they would be ok we loaded up the wreckage and towed the humvee with our wrecker to the closest fob like 15 mins away. A little after we got there our 1sg told us the tc was in a coma and going to germany, he started crying as he told us all that the gunner didnt make it he had died on the helicopter. Everyone was silent and started to cry too.
Sorry this was so long I started writting this earlier and came back to it after a few beers. Seems like the only time I can really talk about this kinda shit. I cant believe I even wrote all this it seems easier here as its not face to face. The VA diagnosed me with PTSD I tryed their counceling they put me in called the center for returning veterans oif/oef what a joke. I didnt like it because they give you a f*cking intern a damn med student who doesnt know a thing about war or the military whos there for like 6 months doesnt have any experiance so I quit and tried again a few months later accually opened up a little the 4th time seeing her but still the same problem she was leaving in a few months and didnt get it or understand anything about the Army. Its hard to tell someone who doesnt fully understand. This isnt exactly combat related but definetly makes it all worse. 6 days after I got to Kuwait before I even got to Iraq I got a red cross message to come home because my mom was sick. She died like 12 hours after i got to the hospital in Boston while I was sitting in the bed next to her still in my acus covered in dust. After the funeral I was on a plane back and meet up with my platoon in Iraq a few days after they got there.
The main reason Im writting this long ass story is I need to get my life together. In the past few years Ive had bad anger anxiety esspecially in crowds jumpiness road rage. Since I got out and moved back home last year its gotten way worse. Before my friends and I that I deployed with all hung out together everyday and were always there for each other to talk about these things. Now back at home I have noone that gets it. I dont even know anyone here thats been in the military nevermind been deployed or have ptsd. They only family I have left my grandmother doesnt get it she acts like shes more f*cked up than me cause her daughter my mom died I dont even talk to her any more cause we dont get along. So i really have noone but my wife and I live with my wifes family. Im on probation for beating the shit out of some old bastard that said something f*cked up about my father in law right after he died in sept. The biggest problem is I have a wife and son to take care of and have been unemployed for a long time. Im in such a rut and pretty much given up. I think the anxiety is a huge reason too. It keeps me from wanting to get out and do anything esspecially with trying find work I almost never leave the house anymore. Having very little money just multiplys it. Lately I sleep all day till like 1-5 pm cause Ive been so f*cking depressed I need to get out of this rut and get back to normal. Start doing something with my life again any helpful advise from people who understand whould be great.
