Trying To Get My Wife Involved In Working Out Old Problems And Failing

[just me here]

I feal like one of the best ways to get the past traumas out of my present is to think long and hard and ask advice from my T or my wife for objective opinions on my thoughts and hopefully eventually get to a botom line and establish some closure on the traumatic event.
Thats what is working for me, I want to keep doing it and getting better everyday if I can, but I am getting the feel that my wife just doesn't understand why I want to recall past sadness and past anger and past conflict. As far as she is concerned, once you wake up in the morning on the day after, all events are in the past and thats all that is needed.

She doesn't understand That PTSD leaves me with a very thin verneer of control covering a large reservoir of anger and self hatred. She wants the thin verneer, and is rightly concerned that bringing up past stuff just leads to all that anger getting out. It does, but if it leads to closure, it is worth it.

I am recently diagnosed after years of being considered to be just another clinical depression case. I never asked her to help me or feel sorry for me when I was just depressed, now that I have a diagnosis and a path to a better life, I need her help and I think if I keep asking for it, we are headed for trouble.

Anyone else have a partner that would rather not be involved in the work of getting past the traumas? Anyone else getting the advice to just let it go from someone that just doesn't understand that not being able to just let it go is the root of the problem?

 

[Jawn]

I think that is fantastic that you want your wife involved with helping you to get better. There are a lot of careers on here with the opposite problem.

Have you suggested having your wife read the articles on the main page here? Anthony wrote an excellent article explaining PTSD and there are other
great articles too. If you Google PTSD you can also find many useful articles for her to read. One I found when I was learning about PTSD is called "10
things you need to know about PTSD" and was written for the career. It only takes 5 minutes to read and was very enlightening to me. You might look
at it and see if you think it might help your wife.

Also, is your T willing to have a session with your wife, or with both of you, to help explain your diagnosis and what that means? If your wife is willing to
go, it might be worthwhile. Also, in the books section of this site you will find several good books that you might be able to get her to read. One is called
"I can't get over it" and while it was mainly written for sufferers, it is a good read for a career too. I also found the PTSD Source Book a good book to read.

Hang in there,

Jawn

 

[TLight]

I've had people in my life who thought it was just that easy too, "Move on," "Put it in the past," etc. They obviously have no clue that this is actually damage to parts of the brain and it has little to do with just making a choice.

To make someone understand what it is like to have PTSD is paramount to making someone understand what it is like to live on another planet. They just can't. However, with reading and education, they can get more compassion, but experience shows me they can never truly 'get it.'

That's another sort of injury we just have to accept.

If she reads all the stuff, makes an effort, is compassionate even when she is frustrated, then she's a keeper. If not, it may be very hard to stay together. Some people refuse to believe in mental illness. They think it is character flaw and people just need to 'change' somehow. These people are tough to change their deeply set opinions. I try to stay away from them. It only serves to hurt me more.

Try to read her stuff, talk openly and I hope it gets better

 

[intothelight]

Hi Just Me Here,

All of the suggestions are very good. My husband did go with me to see my psychiatrist and also has read many of the forum materials. After all we have been through with misdiagnosis and everything else, we are actually closer than before as I am more open about letting him know what is going on in my head.

Translation: Involvement makes for a stronger marriage and recovery.

ITL