Relationship Trying To Help My Husband Understand

[Mrs.Newton]

Our son made the comment the other day that he spends so much time away from home cause he can't stand the yelling screaming cussing and throwing things that his dad does.

My husband hears this and gets very upset and say that our son doesn't want anything to do with him and don't wanna be around him. I tried telling him it's not you that he dont want to be around its your anger.

So my husband says that the anger is who he is so that means our son don't want anything to do with him. I tried to explain to him he was not born with this type of anger and that PTSD is not who he is it's something he suffers with...but he still sees it as our son doesn't wanna be around HIM.

Anyone have any advice on how to better explain it. I thought about talking with his VA therapist and maybe he could get him to understand that his son loves him very much but don't wanna be around when he blows :/

 

[2narcissa]

Maybe it's a good thing for your son to be away for a while, providing you know where he is and that you can contact him at all time's for his welfare.

As an ex of a man with some of your hubby's trait's, I think time really does give's both of them to think about thing's. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder maybe?

All the pressure is on you, they both know your the peace maker, why not try to stay out of it and observe what happens between the two of them for a short time. They may get freaked out, but maybe they could appreciate you more hopefully. Sometimes love is letting go, there is only so much a person can take trying to heal and repair heal and repair, just to have someone tear it all down again.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Wow, you really have your heart and hands full. I tend to agree with 2narcissa about stepping back and observing the both of them. I do not know if your husband will ever understand because he does not have a problem with his anger by saying this is who he is.

Your kids are growing up. Soon they will be adults. They will move out and have their own lives. You are in the middle. It will tear you apart. I think talking to husbands therapist is a good idea. Good luck.