It is so strange because in my MMA class ironically we have been learning so many things that fit my abuse to a T. Today we learned a laying down choke and we used our hands for it, which was strange because we never use our hands to choke in class, I got really nervous but luckily I was partnered with a very petite girl who I have some trust for. This was both good and bad. Good because I could use the experience to associate the trigger with something new, like instead of fear of life, it is a learning skill in something I enjoy, but it still hurts emotionally. I wonder if that pain will go away.
I get so nervous, it takes full concentration to not fall into panic or hysteria. "I'm in a safe place, I am in a safe place, I am in a safe place, I am in a safe place." Then my professor playfully grabs me from behind and holds me there, I freaked trying to remember the defense but was way to much in panic mode. He let go and I tried to hide my fear, and replied I need to learn the defense for that, and he laughed.
It is so hard not to freak out, people will think I am Schizo if I do, which I do not mind much either, but the stigma behind it unbearable, The stigma of ptsd is unbearable too.
Anyway in class a girl mentioned that some people were to uncomfortable with the move and told them to try an alternative. It clicked to me then that this was an option. And when I partnered with a guy I told him to not grab my neck and he respected it.
Its like a sudden revaluation that that is an option, but I worry about giving myself away so I always choose to stay quite and tap before any pressure is felt. But now since I know other people are feeling uncomfortable I feel less obvious about saying something. But I want to learn the right way to express myself so I do not give myself away. Does anyone out there have a way of expressing their avoidance of triggers to others without giving yourself away?[DOUBLEPOST=1402635813,1402635669][/DOUBLEPOST]Also I want to ask to learn the defensive moves that I could have used in the past, but worry about being severely triggered, does anyone have suggestion on how to handle this. I start new anxiety meds so I hoping those may help.
I get so nervous, it takes full concentration to not fall into panic or hysteria. "I'm in a safe place, I am in a safe place, I am in a safe place, I am in a safe place." Then my professor playfully grabs me from behind and holds me there, I freaked trying to remember the defense but was way to much in panic mode. He let go and I tried to hide my fear, and replied I need to learn the defense for that, and he laughed.
It is so hard not to freak out, people will think I am Schizo if I do, which I do not mind much either, but the stigma behind it unbearable, The stigma of ptsd is unbearable too.
Anyway in class a girl mentioned that some people were to uncomfortable with the move and told them to try an alternative. It clicked to me then that this was an option. And when I partnered with a guy I told him to not grab my neck and he respected it.
Its like a sudden revaluation that that is an option, but I worry about giving myself away so I always choose to stay quite and tap before any pressure is felt. But now since I know other people are feeling uncomfortable I feel less obvious about saying something. But I want to learn the right way to express myself so I do not give myself away. Does anyone out there have a way of expressing their avoidance of triggers to others without giving yourself away?[DOUBLEPOST=1402635813,1402635669][/DOUBLEPOST]Also I want to ask to learn the defensive moves that I could have used in the past, but worry about being severely triggered, does anyone have suggestion on how to handle this. I start new anxiety meds so I hoping those may help.
