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Trying To Plan Our Wedding-- Stress

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BethRSA

MyPTSD Pro
In my head, I know that even good stress is still stress. Sometimes, though I thought that I was/am "fine" after my PTSD from my gang rape/pregnancy/miscarriage.

I'm struggling to decide things. I feel so alone--because Stephen is so far away in Africa. I need to have everything planned before he comes in April because we are getting married in May. Sometimes, it just seems like a huge mountain. I wish we could just already be married. If I'm like this now--in January, what will I be like closer to the time?

I'm here in the USA staying at my parents' place who don't like/can't handle me talking about my trauma. They don't understand what has happened to me. On the outside, I look "fine", so according to them, I should be fine.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe just to vent
 
Oh Beth,

Please post your concerns and worries. That is a healthy way to get them out, especially when you are so far away from your support.

Getting married is wonderful, but planning a wedding is stressful. You are also away from your home and back home with your parents, which is another source of stress. Take it easy on yourself, as I read your posts, you are doing an amazing job.

Wishing you peace.
Debbie
 
It is stressful. It is good you are brave enough to post here. Post away:). The only thing that matters is you and Stephen.
Try writing a plan with dates and where possible delegate.
Do you have a counsellor or someone to whom you can talk about your trauma.
Be kind to yourself
Take care
KP
 
Beth - I can relate to what you are talking about my mother is the same way she doesn't want to hear about my sexual assault and thinks that because I look fine on the outside that I should be fine on the inside. I am NOT fine.

If it helps to write about it here. Write about it here. I know what it's like to be so overwhelmed that I can't even think straight. Just trying to do simple things like cleaning the kitchen can be so overwhleming.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Take it one step at a time. Maybe make a list of what you need to do for the wedding. and tackle things one by one so you don't get overwhelmed. That's what I do when I clean my kitchen. I just start by picking up one thing at a time and say ok where does this go and put it away because if I were to look at it as a whole I'd be overwhelmed and I'd walk away and it'd never get cleaned. just a suggestion but it works for me.

Take care of yourself and Congratulations you are getting married!!!!!!!:) Heather
 
Hi Beth,

Congratulations !

I feel for you deary. I get married in March and everything about the wedding is stressing me out. Its supposed to be a happy occasion, but I can barely leave the house let alone get on a plane for our wedding. I'm not sure if there is something wrong with my medication or if its the millions of things happening all at once (wedding, new apartment).

I tell myself, this is what I want - to get married - everything will be ok. My husband 2b says the same thing - everything will be ok. We can try our best, but ultimately its about me and him exchanging vows, that's all that matters.

A friend once told me 'You can't eat an elephant all at once, you have to take one bite at a time'. So Heathers advice is good advice. One step at a time.

Liz
 
I wanted to wish you congratulations on your forthcoming wedding Beth. And also to Liz too.
I think planning weddings is stressful, plus you are separated from your support, add PTSD and you're bound to feel the stress. I hope you have some friends and family members who you have absolute faith in. If so, perhaps you could delegate some tasks to them? Make it clear what you want and the budget then hand certain tasks over to others. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, and when it comes to weddings people love to get involved. I think organistion is key - and writing lists, then being able to cross things off as you go along, and get things arranged can be very satisfying. You will get through this especially when you consider the 'prize' - your husband to be.

Good luck, and keep offloading and updating us here :)
 
We are here with you Beth..your PTSD family and we do understand the inside. Planning weddings is stressful even without PTSD.
Sending you warm thoughts and hugs
 
Well, I got our engagement announcement in the local paper--one of the things my mom was bugging me about since the moment she heard we were engaged. Then, this lady at church yesterday just had to say, "Oh, your fiance is only coming in April? Wow! You've been apart for a long time. Don't you think that maybe he'll find someone else because you're not there?" I was so surprised, amazed, shocked, etc. that someone who is my parents' age and used to teach me in Sunday school would even think (let alone say!) such a stupid, insensitive thing! I just replied, "I trust Stephen. He was faithful to his wife Vivien for 19 years and he's been my friend for almost 13."

Today, I'm going to register us at Target and/or Kohl's after having lunch with a friend. 17 years ago, she also became an instant mom when she got married. I'm trying to do things bit by bit. Hopefully when I go down to our headquarters next week, I'll be able to get some more planning done with my maid of honour.

Thanks for your encouragement. I'm thinking of Liz too with her wedding coming up in March!
 
Oh Beth,

Don't let insensitive people ruin your day. She sounds like a real Muppet and not worth you giving the time of day to. Try to have fun planning and let your maid of honour take some of the stress away. There are fun parts to organising a wedding, in particular the pampering parts. Enjoy yourself.
 
I had a GREAT time at our missions' international headquarters for the past 2 weeks. I was worried that they wouldn't be supportive or encouraging, but found encouragement, ideas and help! (Usually, I try to prepare myself for the worst that can happen. Then, when that doesn't happen, I'm happy.) I don't like to think that in doing so, I'm being pessimistic--just realistic. In this case, everything went better than I could have asked or thought! They were happy with my reports and I could speak privately in an open and honest way with our top bosses. Today is a FANTASTIC day!
My Mom wants my sister to sing at our wedding. That's fine. I'm trying to give in on things that don't really matter to us and "save" any arguments for important details. Just 102 days before the wedding!
 
79 days to go! May 20 is the date!
My friend will be the officiant for us--after so much hassle. I still have nightmares that something will go wrong and we won't get married, but Stephen calms me down--from afar. I worry about my dad walking me down the aisle and then saying, "No"--even though he and Mom paid for the chapel for us to get married in. I worry about my boss saying something stupid if I let him say anything at the wedding--and if I don't let him say anything that he'll say something stupid to the whole conference of our mission.
I'm thinking about getting married at the courthouse on the Monday before the church wedding so all the paperwork will already be done. I wonder if I will be less stressed for the "Big Day" then.
I just wish that Stephen were here. I'm planning things, but it seems so "unreal" 'cause he won't be here until the end of April. So many things have to be done before then because of our schedule after he gets here to the States.
 
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