Trying to reconnect versus trying to make himself look good

[littleoc]

Hey, y'all.

Once again, I'm posting about my dad. I think maybe I'm feeling guilty for cutting him out of my life, despite truly believing he is dangerous. I was going to not post, because I already have posts about my dad, but browsing around, I've noticed others trying to figure this out, so... was wondering if anyone has.

Context:
My father texted me congratulations for graduating university.

But possible because his father and stepmother told him to.

He posted the congratulations to Facebook (I didn't see it until just now, I've been avoiding Facebook), but maybe to look good for the public eye.

He has not called me, since he accidentally suggested he could get me a car and I responded, "...can you..?" and he had to backtrack. It was weird to hear him sound awkward/embarrassed.

He was diagnosed as a psychopath (sociopath?) once and has not apologized for getting me kidnapped or trying to kill my mom, nor has he fessed up to at least one murder, so I sort of doubt he's going to suddenly change. I think I just really want to believe he will? Or I'm worried he will? And I'm aware he has depression and I don't want a person who doesn't understand that others get sad, to be sad...? But I'm also sure that he's just trying to get me to talk to him so that I will help him look good.

Evidence for that is that he has disowned my little brother for "claiming" he sexually abused him, instead of being like his brother (who also sexually abused his kids) who owned up to it and confessed about it and asked for therapy.

I guess his brother could have been putting on a show too, but still.

Some here has told me that he would fess up and feel guilt and agree to go to prison if he was really getting better. That has helped a lot.

Remembering that, when dating, mixed signals are usually a he's/she's-not-interested-in-you, I am realizing that my father probably is giving me "mixed signals" because I'm being hopeful. But I can be hopeful without putting myself in danger by being near him.

I am also realizing that the fact that I keep having to look for evidence that he loved me or my brothers (he hated my sister, also my little brother it seems), which is a "mixed signal" that means he probably doesn't. I think he respects me more now, though, because the last time I called him out on his shit, he stopped talking and seemed afraid to argue with me. I'm smarter than he is, even if he's clever enough to get away with death and make it look like anything but his doing. But I know what he did, so I'm smarter.



So... yeah, I clearly know that he's not going to change. So why does he keep being nice to me? Because I've been nice to him. But I don't respect him at all.

And I know my conflicting feelings mean that he's not better, he's still dangerous, and I may never know if he really likes me or not.

Uh.... I guess I answered my own question? Do you think I'm on the right track? It's frustrating to know things logically and not be able to believe it fully. Well, I believe it... I'm just hopeful. I don't understand this man (and don't want to, as I've said in previous posts).

Anyone else going through this right now, I'd love your thoughts. Or people who aren't, actually, or maybe have in the past. I love the level of wisdom on this site :)

 

[somerandomguy]

I think you're on the right track. I think he was nice to you because he thought it made him seem like a good person. When you called him out about the car, he realized he was writing checks his ass couldn't cover.

 

[ILoveLife]

Agreed, on the right track.
He really doesn't deserve your attention/hope/trust after what he did to you and your family.
He may be regretful, but change doesn't happen through text messages and Facebook posts. Plus, his forgiveness of himself has nothing to do with you. And if you ever decide to forgive him, for your own peace of mind, you don't need to have a relationship with him since he's obviously a dangerous person.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you should throw out the notion that logic and rationality will apply to anything that a psychopath does.

 

[mumstheword]

It's very possible that he's actually trying to woo, impress or snare some else with this behaviour. It wreaks of "virtue signalling" to me, which is purely a ploy of manipulation and smoke and mirrors.
Like you said "for show". Past experience tells you, you can't trust him. Thinking you can, is likely just your wishful thinking.

 

[mumstheword]

(((((Hugs))))) @littleoc :hug::hug::hug::hug: I want so much love for you.

 

[MrMoonlight]

Please protect yourself @littleoc .... :hug:

 

[blackemerald1]

I clearly know that he's not going to change. So why does he keep being nice to me?

But doing something on fb isn't being nice to you.
I just want to challenge you on your perception that he keeps being nice to you. Is he being nice or have you lowered the bar bc he is your father and somewhere deep inside you really, really want him to validate you and what you have become....?

I answered my own question?

Yep you did and quite well. But it is good to challenge your emotions and feelings and tread very carefully.

I'm smarter than he is,

There is nothing smart about murdering someone and doing this to his children/family @littleoc
Yes!! You are much smarter than him. That is why you are asking these questions. :hug: