Hello! It's the first time I'm posting on these forums and just by reading your stories I could relate a lot. :)
Maybe you could give me some insights about an experience I had a while ago: I was sharing the story of my life with someone (a mentor but not a therapist, never went to therapy) and we started talking about my relationship with my parents. I always knew my dad would scare me sometimes when he would lose his temper, but I thought it was not a big deal. However, during the conversation I remembered an event that happend 6 years ago, a scene of physical violence against my sibling that I didn't watched with my own eyes, but I was in another room when it occured and I could hear it going on. At that time, I had alsolutely no reaction to it, not even later when I was told the graphic details about the event. Anyway, while I was sharing the story now, 6 years later, I suddenly realized the magnitude of what happend and a feeling of terror came over me. My whole body started shaking uncontrollably, to the point that I could litteraly feel my heart moving and shaking inside my chest, I thought it was going to burst. What was going through my mind was: after all, I do care about what happend, oh my, I cant believe I can hear myself shaking, when will I stop, someone is watching me... It was like a split between my mind where I knew that I'm in a safe place, that nobody is hurting me, etc and the emotional part of me and my body that were totally out of control. Finally, after I dont know how long, I stoped shaking and I felt like I came back to the present moment. It was the first and only time something like this happend to me and I dont know what it was, maybe a flashback...? I have struggled with anxiety before, but never lost control in this way... Maybe it was my mind trying to process the event, but I am not sure...
Maybe you could give me some insights about an experience I had a while ago: I was sharing the story of my life with someone (a mentor but not a therapist, never went to therapy) and we started talking about my relationship with my parents. I always knew my dad would scare me sometimes when he would lose his temper, but I thought it was not a big deal. However, during the conversation I remembered an event that happend 6 years ago, a scene of physical violence against my sibling that I didn't watched with my own eyes, but I was in another room when it occured and I could hear it going on. At that time, I had alsolutely no reaction to it, not even later when I was told the graphic details about the event. Anyway, while I was sharing the story now, 6 years later, I suddenly realized the magnitude of what happend and a feeling of terror came over me. My whole body started shaking uncontrollably, to the point that I could litteraly feel my heart moving and shaking inside my chest, I thought it was going to burst. What was going through my mind was: after all, I do care about what happend, oh my, I cant believe I can hear myself shaking, when will I stop, someone is watching me... It was like a split between my mind where I knew that I'm in a safe place, that nobody is hurting me, etc and the emotional part of me and my body that were totally out of control. Finally, after I dont know how long, I stoped shaking and I felt like I came back to the present moment. It was the first and only time something like this happend to me and I dont know what it was, maybe a flashback...? I have struggled with anxiety before, but never lost control in this way... Maybe it was my mind trying to process the event, but I am not sure...
