General Trying to understand CPTSD

[KellyRose]

Hi Everybody,

I spend the last months researching cptsd as my partner suffers from it for 25 years due to abuse by his former partners. Sadly he seemed to have chosen the same type of partners over and over and has after the last abusive relationship decided to stay alone for the rest of his life.


Then, totally out of the blue, I came along, we both were not looking for a new partner, both resigned from love and we became close friends and then more then just friends. When he told me about his past and cptsd I underestimated the trauma. But now further in the relationship I see the triggers he desperately is trying to avoid and I wonder if this will get better when I am patient or should I gently try to discuss the topics he refuses to touch, the words he wants (his words) but can’t say? Will this ever get better? Can you heal? Will there be fall backs?

I understand everyone is different, his therapist couldn’t help so he stopped seeing him. Can we conquer this without help?

Thank you in advance

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum!

his therapist couldn’t help so he stopped seeing him.

This is really normal. It’s hard to find the right therapist. It very often takes a number of tries to find one that helps, and it very often takes changing therapists over the course of recovery to match your changing needs. Having a therapist who specialises in trauma can make a huge difference.

Giving up on a therapist that doesn’t work for you is smart. But giving up on therapy altogether because of a bad experience is playing with fire.

Quite a lot of people with ptsd recover without a therapist.

Cptsd, on the other hand, not so much.

 

[KellyRose]

Thank you very much, then I know what I need to do..

 

[arfie]

hello kelly. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

Can we conquer this without help?

i wasn't able. in hindsight, trying to go it alone was rather like trying to climb a lifeline that was attached only to my own belt. i only kept tripping myself.

using friends, family and lovers as therapists was even more disastrous. it takes a certain amount of detachment to be a good therapist. may my friends, family and lovers never be able to detach far enough to be good therapists. they help me best as supportive friends, family and lovers instead of treating me like a do-it-yourself project.

it takes a village to heal. the best help is not always professional. support groups, such as this one, can be equally, sometimes more helpful. welcome to the forum. vent freely. vent often. it can be a bumpy ride.

 

[KellyRose]

hello kelly. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

i wasn't able. in hindsight, trying to go it alone was rather like trying to climb a lifeline that was attached only to my own belt. i only kept tripping myself.

using friends, family and lovers as therapists was even more disastrous. it takes a certain amount of detachment to be a good therapist. may my friends, family and lovers never be able to detach far enough to be good therapists. they help me best as supportive friends, family and lovers instead of treating me like a do-it-yourself project.

it takes a village to heal. the best help is not always professional. support groups, such as this one, can be equally, sometimes more helpful. welcome to the forum. vent freely. vent often. it can be a bumpy ride.

Thank you so much, yes bumpy it is, I did not know much about what involves cptsd and thought only he is hurting but it has an effect on us and there are days I am afraid he won’t call anymore because I triggered something or I find him distant because someone else triggered something. I feel helpless then, not sure what to do or how to react. We talked about this and he asked me to keep up our conversations in such cases so I do but the fear he disappears and will be unreachable for me sits deep.
Some days I am not sure I am strong enough and then on others I believe we can conquer the world together. I am just afraid that he will push me away one day or becomes emotionally unavailable…

 

[arfie]

We talked about this and he asked me to keep up our conversations in such cases so I do

a most excellent place to start. i am sending hopes that you can develop this into a lifelong habit. it will pay good dividends one day. don't be surprised when yesterday's blessing turns into today's curse. needs change as healing progresses.

the fear he disappears and will be unreachable for me sits deep.

fear gets my vote as the most dangerous psychosis on the planet. reach out to someone outside the personal drama on those fearful days. it helps to broaden the perspective.

Some days I am not sure I am strong enough and then on others I believe we can conquer the world together.

work with what each day sends. i find other places to be on the days i don't feel strong enough to handle my hubby's problems. i make the most of the days when i feel the strength in our unity.

for what it's worth
i am the identified patient in my marriage, but hubby is not perfect, either. i often wonder if he has secondary ptsd from 45 years of living with me.