T
trustinlove
Hi there,
I'm trying to understand what happened with my boyfriend. He just started seeing a therapist because he thought he might have depression, and she said that she thought he dissociated.
We were in a relationship for 3 months which was really good and healthy (from my perspective). He pursued me, he treated me really well, he took the relationship to the serious level, and he told me that it was the kind of relationship that he had always wanted. That he felt like he could be himself around me and be relaxed, happy, and safe. I also know that in the past, he dated women who weren't that in to him, who he really pursued, but couldn't ever really "win," and some of them betrayed him. Even though he's an incredibly gentle, wonderful, kind, and empathetic soul and very smart and accomplished, as he opened up to me, it became clear that he struggles with feelings of inadequacy and self-worth at times. It seems like he's a perfectionist and holds himself to incredibly high standards.
He felt that perhaps in the past he had chased after people who didn't really want a relationship with him because then it was safer and he wouldn't have to actually face intimacy and expose himself. During our relationship, there were moments when he would say that he had a hard time feeling present, and that at times he had a hard time connecting with me, even though other times we had this incredible connection. I never felt that the connection was off from my end. I am highly intuitive. I trust my intuition. He also told me that he had a bad memory, and said that he would zone out in conversations when people were talking sometimes, and feel like he had to work really hard to stay present, to focus, and to concentrate on what they were saying. Some times too he described feeling like he was out of his body--though he's also big into meditation, and I wonder if he just thought he was meditating. Other times, in conversation, he would forget what he was going to say, or seem like he was in his own head/world. Most of the time, he seemed really into me and absolutely adored me. Other times though, he expressed confusion and said that at times I felt like a good friend. About two weeks after we committed to a full on serious relationship together, he went into a weird head space where he seemed depressed. He said he felt dissatisfied with his life and he felt emotionally flat--though it didn't have anything to do with me. He said everything just felt numb and that he couldn't feel anything.
One night in particular, he had some pretty troubling/dark/scary/anxious/fearful thoughts and he had to get up and take a hot bath to self-soothe and calm himself. The next day, he told me he thought he should see a therapist and get help and possibly medication. He had never seen a therapist or a mental health professional before, but felt like he was always struggling a little bit, like he was carrying around a burden. And he felt like he was really struggling to let me in. All of this surfaced just after stuff got serious with me and it really threw me off. He also seemed to lose his sex drive once this malaise came over his mood. He lost interest in sex. He asked me to be patient and to support him while he worked through his issues, but then, a week later after his first day of therapy, he came over and told me through tears that he didn't think he could be in a relationship right now.
It's been really hard on me because he still wants to be in my life and be friends while he sorts things out, but I don't think I can handle that. I don't know what to do. I am a very consistent, steady, even keel person and I've never dated someone who has had these kinds of struggles. I really like him as a person though, even though I can see that he's struggling with mental health issues. I empathize with him and I want to help and support him if I can. Does this sound like dissociation? Have people experienced this in relationships with people who dissociate? Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm trying to understand what happened with my boyfriend. He just started seeing a therapist because he thought he might have depression, and she said that she thought he dissociated.
We were in a relationship for 3 months which was really good and healthy (from my perspective). He pursued me, he treated me really well, he took the relationship to the serious level, and he told me that it was the kind of relationship that he had always wanted. That he felt like he could be himself around me and be relaxed, happy, and safe. I also know that in the past, he dated women who weren't that in to him, who he really pursued, but couldn't ever really "win," and some of them betrayed him. Even though he's an incredibly gentle, wonderful, kind, and empathetic soul and very smart and accomplished, as he opened up to me, it became clear that he struggles with feelings of inadequacy and self-worth at times. It seems like he's a perfectionist and holds himself to incredibly high standards.
He felt that perhaps in the past he had chased after people who didn't really want a relationship with him because then it was safer and he wouldn't have to actually face intimacy and expose himself. During our relationship, there were moments when he would say that he had a hard time feeling present, and that at times he had a hard time connecting with me, even though other times we had this incredible connection. I never felt that the connection was off from my end. I am highly intuitive. I trust my intuition. He also told me that he had a bad memory, and said that he would zone out in conversations when people were talking sometimes, and feel like he had to work really hard to stay present, to focus, and to concentrate on what they were saying. Some times too he described feeling like he was out of his body--though he's also big into meditation, and I wonder if he just thought he was meditating. Other times, in conversation, he would forget what he was going to say, or seem like he was in his own head/world. Most of the time, he seemed really into me and absolutely adored me. Other times though, he expressed confusion and said that at times I felt like a good friend. About two weeks after we committed to a full on serious relationship together, he went into a weird head space where he seemed depressed. He said he felt dissatisfied with his life and he felt emotionally flat--though it didn't have anything to do with me. He said everything just felt numb and that he couldn't feel anything.
One night in particular, he had some pretty troubling/dark/scary/anxious/fearful thoughts and he had to get up and take a hot bath to self-soothe and calm himself. The next day, he told me he thought he should see a therapist and get help and possibly medication. He had never seen a therapist or a mental health professional before, but felt like he was always struggling a little bit, like he was carrying around a burden. And he felt like he was really struggling to let me in. All of this surfaced just after stuff got serious with me and it really threw me off. He also seemed to lose his sex drive once this malaise came over his mood. He lost interest in sex. He asked me to be patient and to support him while he worked through his issues, but then, a week later after his first day of therapy, he came over and told me through tears that he didn't think he could be in a relationship right now.
It's been really hard on me because he still wants to be in my life and be friends while he sorts things out, but I don't think I can handle that. I don't know what to do. I am a very consistent, steady, even keel person and I've never dated someone who has had these kinds of struggles. I really like him as a person though, even though I can see that he's struggling with mental health issues. I empathize with him and I want to help and support him if I can. Does this sound like dissociation? Have people experienced this in relationships with people who dissociate? Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.
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