Beckstar1982
New Here
Hi, I'm 35years old female and in last 3 months sought help for depression/anxiety related illness following what I can only call a nervous breakdown. I was/am a Company Director of 25 staff in finance and we built the business from nothing over 9 years to win awards, smash records and enjoyed great success. I am a workaholic and pretty much devoted myself to it and then started using drugs/ gambling to deal with the high levels of stress and completely lost myself when the business was finally thriving and I had less to do. I suffer with severe insomnia and fluctuate in eating habits regularly.
Anyway to the point I've being in therapy for almost 3 months now and T suggested EMDR as I have difficulty identifying and expressing my feelings and this means I won't have to talk about some of the trauma stuff that happened in my childhood (adoptee and abuse/neglect in childhood). We did the 1st session last week on something really minor and I didn't do very well as didn't know what to say/explain what was happening. Now I have to select real ones and break them down into thoughts/feelings/beliefs and preferred beliefs. I've tried to do this in my usual logical way on a powerpoint smartArt diagram and I can see how it works and think it will be good for me but I can't share them with the T. I've never shared them with anyone and it is making me very anxious. I get this is part of the problem with me that I can't talk to people/ attachment disorders etc but how do I move forward ? I think I am stuck and don't understand it when 18 months ago I was doing public speaking, top salesperson, 3 national awards etc My head is a mess again and I try to be positive but everything that is supposed to make me better is so painful. The other thing I am doing is touch/Reiki therapy which makes me tremble/shake and sometimes cry. I just don't know whats wrong with me most days and why when I had everything I was so unhappy and now I still am and I've walked away from it all/my husband and given up drugs, gambling, work and caffeine. Nicotine yet to go!
Anyway guess I thought writing it down / sharing online was the first step and reading others stories gives me strength to try new things. Thanks.
Becky
Anyway to the point I've being in therapy for almost 3 months now and T suggested EMDR as I have difficulty identifying and expressing my feelings and this means I won't have to talk about some of the trauma stuff that happened in my childhood (adoptee and abuse/neglect in childhood). We did the 1st session last week on something really minor and I didn't do very well as didn't know what to say/explain what was happening. Now I have to select real ones and break them down into thoughts/feelings/beliefs and preferred beliefs. I've tried to do this in my usual logical way on a powerpoint smartArt diagram and I can see how it works and think it will be good for me but I can't share them with the T. I've never shared them with anyone and it is making me very anxious. I get this is part of the problem with me that I can't talk to people/ attachment disorders etc but how do I move forward ? I think I am stuck and don't understand it when 18 months ago I was doing public speaking, top salesperson, 3 national awards etc My head is a mess again and I try to be positive but everything that is supposed to make me better is so painful. The other thing I am doing is touch/Reiki therapy which makes me tremble/shake and sometimes cry. I just don't know whats wrong with me most days and why when I had everything I was so unhappy and now I still am and I've walked away from it all/my husband and given up drugs, gambling, work and caffeine. Nicotine yet to go!
Anyway guess I thought writing it down / sharing online was the first step and reading others stories gives me strength to try new things. Thanks.
Becky
