Two More Of My Aunts Have Tumors On Their Kidneys

[midi]

It's an awful time of year to be going through it - but you are strong!

 

[pandora]

Thanx everyone.

I have been trying my best to just take it one minute at a time. I am handling this ok
and I am trying to focus on the positive things and just deal with things as they come and just pray that I do not have anything wrong too. I think if this would have happened 2 years ago...I would NOT know how to deal with this at all. I am proud of all the work I have done in dealing with this disorder and live life, realizing that this is just the way it is. Understanding the illness is half the battle and even though this has happened and all of this is very scary for me....I know I am strong and 2009 HAS to bring good, positive changes. I thought 2008 was going to be the year and that definately did not happen..I am trying so hard to be optomistic. God only gives us what we can handle and honestly as much as I am trying to think positive and keep reminding myself that I am the only one worrying about this or worrying more than I should..not only about the cancer in my family but generally everything in my life but I do not know how much more I really can handle. Physically all the stress is taking a toll on me in a big way.

On a more positive note.....I think....I hope...I pray that I am ready and i am not stressing about this as much as I did a year ago but I was asked out on another date. It is only a date and I NEED to get back into the land of the living. So...I said yes to a coffee date and I will take things VERY slowly. I do not know if this is the right time or not...this is a good stress so again, one day at a time. Needless to say...my PTSD cup is overflowing and I am not losing it, I am coping and I am proud of myself for that. It is also the holiday season and I made it through!! I know that I am Ok....I will be OK..I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Good job Pand.....You can only control what you can control, all the rest you just have to let it come as it will. Needlessly worrying about it isn't going to help either......It will just exacerbate your symptoms......

I'm glad that you accepted the coffee date, enjoy yourself, take things slow.....Friendships take awhile to evolve and good relationships come from strong friendships.....

2009, will be the year of healing for you and hopefully a lot of other members here too.......So CHEERS :occasion: too 2009 for all of us!!!!!!

 

[pandora]

Well I had my MRI today and as I lay in the machine practising my deap breathing and I must have said the words calm, relax more times than I can count. It was very claustrophobic and they had to start an IV and inject a dye, 45 minutes it lasted. I did shake..felt guily about it but I should have taked a med....I HATE going into that hospital, i grew up there and worked there 5years but I still feel sick walking in...on top of the fact that my Dad died there. So here I am wondering If I have cancer and please God do not make me die the horrible death he did.

I found out the two aunts I mentioned above the spots were not cancer..they were cysts..good but bad because we all have kidney problems.

But they (my cousin ) she started crying and told me her mother was diagnosed positive...so the positive is still raising. There are 4 more aunts to go for results. Anyway, her Mom the youngest sister does have kidney cancer and they think it is a bit more involved so her entire kidney has to be removed, just like my Dad....GOD..please let then have found it in time and please make sure I do hot have cancer or anything else. So i am scared! It is raising my anxiety right now.

 

[pandora]

Oh as far as the coffe date. i made the decision that I could not handle anything else until we move, are settled and my son is settled and I love myself enough to let someone in...now I fear a relationships in my life will fail.....so more time to wait. I am proud that I was brave enough to go though!

 

[midi]

You're doing great, eh! Tough job handling all that stress. A relationship will happen when? I don't even think about it anymore.

 

[pandora]

Not doing great today!!! Tears are flowing.....I am sad today but that is ok I have to learn to face and deal with this sadness and fear. Even thinking I could die like my Dad did is scary....

 

[pandora]

Well good news everyone...my MRI came back normal..no cancer and no kidney damage. Wow am I ever releived! I just kept telling myself..no news is good news because I had the scan about a month ago now...so thank goodness, one less thing to worry about!

 

[fin]

I am glad to hear Pandora, goodnews. I have dipped in and out to see, I am soo glad/happy for you.


~fin

I am sorry-screw being refined and genteel about it...and trying to not be "over the top happy" for you...I didnt really know what to write because I know it isn't really my relief, it didnt happen to me this thing you have had hanging over you. BUT I am totally relieved for you and so...

It is awesome you know...totally awesome and I am chuffed and thrilled for you....thank God Pandora, such a relief that you must be feeling at the moment. I am really happy and pleased for you... YaY you... I know it must have been like holding your breath, waiting to just exhale - and be able to breath again...GoOD News Pandora.

 

[Marlene]

Pandora...wonderful news. I've been wondering if you'd gotten the results yet. So glad everything's ok.

Lisa

 

[Grama-Herc]

Hey You!

I am so happy for you that things are being to "go your way"

Great news! Celebrate! Enjoy!

Cherish your life, your son, your mom and your new future.

God Bless You

 

[morgan]

Great news Pandora! I am really glad to see it. Now you can continue to focus on your healing without having to worry about extra things. You've already got enough on your plate.