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Two Symptoms I Wanted To Mention.

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There are many disorders that have trauma as a catalyst; PTSD is not the only one. If I were you I wouldn't get hung up on insisting it's PTSD; I'd just try and be as clear with a psych professional as I possibly could. The reason for criteria is to help separate these disorders; the reason for distinct disorders is so that the best possible treatment protocol can be developed for that specific set of symptoms. End goal: recovery.

It sounds a little bit like you have something invested in being "really" traumatized, and you think that is defined as PTSD, when it's really not. You can have trauma without having PTSD. You can have a different, equally serious disorder.
 
You either have a trauma that complies with criterion A for PTSD, or you don't. There is no minimising or maximising trauma, trauma is trauma, but PTSD is reserved for specific types only. As said above, there are other diagnoses for trauma, PTSD is not the only one, and even with trauma, it doesn't mean you don't have something completely different going on. It seems to me that you "think" you have PTSD because you only view a checklist approach of symptoms, when diagnosing is not about the checklist of symptoms, but the underlying issue, presented symptoms, severity of symptoms and other catalysts that may be applicable.

You're being cryptic, which really isn't required. You either meet the qualifying criterion A, or you do not. Which is it?

A. Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:
  1. Directly experiencing the traumatic event(s),
  2. Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others,
  3. Learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close friend. In cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the event(s) must have been violent and accidental.
  4. Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains; police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse).
If your trauma doesn't meet that qualifying criterion above, then you can't have PTSD. You should not confuse that with having trauma. Trauma is vastly different compared to labelling with a diagnosis.

What is your trauma? It is a simple question, nothing more, nothing less.
 
Joeylittle. I'm not invested in being traumatized. I'm not and have not ever been a hindrance to my recovery except in the struggles due to the PTSD itself. I just told you that minimizing what I've experienced, which in my mind is exactly what your doing, is a trigger in itself. You claim it may be something else, but you don't say a word about what that might be! If you don't know, than please don't speculate and keep it to yourself. If you do, than please be kind enough to realize what triggers can do, and come to the point.
 
@Faith Hope Charity : You should try seeing a neurologist. It's best to stay safe than sorry and getting the problem sorted as early as possible. Seriously, there are too many health problems that can cause the symptoms you are experiencing. The reason I am saying this is because my depression and mood is related to my autoimmune thyroid disease which is why my depression comes worse each year, I am gaining weight because of that, horrible PMS, and many other symptoms. So please try sorting out your health. I hope this helped. I didn't mean to scare you or dishearten you. My best wishes are with you.
 
Just to let you know (as you are a new member) you can be welcome here without a formal PTSD diagnosis. My trauma is from long term childhood sexual assault and I from my reading I tick basically all the boxes for PTSD. Having said that, I am high functioning and I expect that my symptoms are not significant enough to be formally diagnosed with PTSD. My therapist does not like labels and so has no plans to diagnose me (it wouldn't change anything anyway), but she sees the relevance of PTSD to me, and treats me from that perspective and that is all I need.
 
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Joeylittle. I'm not invested in being traumatized. I'm not and have not ever been a hindrance to my recovery except in the struggles due to the PTSD itself.
My language was clumsy; I was trying to say that you are very committed to the diagnosis of PTSD; and I'm suggesting that you might be hindering your recovery of whatever it might be (which may or may not include PTSD) by trying to make all your symptoms fall under PTSD.
All the symptoms of PTSD match with mine, with perhaps 'extras' that are less common.
Those 'extras' may be pointing to a different disorder, a comorbid disorder, or something not even on the mental-health spectrum.
You claim it may be something else, but you don't say a word about what that might be!
Well, I'm not a doctor. From the things I know, either in my own experience or from reading, you've mentioned aphasia (inability to turn sounds into language when listening), you talked about splitting in two, which can be an indicator for DID (dissociative identity disorder), you talk about the time before and after a nervous breakdown, which can actually be a number of different things - but if it was a psychotic break, that is an important event and should not only be interpreted as trauma, because it can indicate the onset of schizophrenia, bi-polar, and I think some of the less common neurological conditions as well like Pick's Disease. If it wasn't classified as a psychotic break, then it might have been presaged by your traumatic event which yes, can indicate PTSD, but trauma can also be the tipping point for major depression and/or anxiety. You also talked about being catatonic; catatonia is a symptom relating to depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bi-polar, PTSD - that's a big list of possibilities, and the duration of the catatonia and how it was medically addressed (you mentioned a shot you were given) is important information as well. Drug and alcohol addictions can also play a part in all the symptoms you've mentioned. Genetics too.

The point is: if you go into an appointment with the belief that it's got to be PTSD, and only PTSD, you might not report your history accurately; you might leave things out because to you, they don't seem as important, because they don't fit into a PTSD diagnosis.

Here's where I'm coming from: I had neurological difficulties following my attack, and they lasted for a good number of years. I never had them diagnosed, so I only know what I was experiencing. I assumed they were related to what happened to me, and let it go at that. Then, I went into heavy denial about even having been attacked and basically "erased" it from my own medical history. About 6 years ago I developed extreme sensitivity to certain frequencies of light; I had one small seizure, went to a doctor, and completely omitted in my medical history that I had my head slammed around alot in this attack I wasn't talking about. Didn't even think about the language and cognition problems I encountered back then, or the ones I actually still have.

So, when I got out of the MRI and was told I had some damage in my brain, and was asked to really think about when it might have occurred, I didn't bring up the attack. Not for months. It didn't seem possible to me that they were related. And...some medical dead-ends later, I finally thought to tell the neurologist. And that let him put the pieces together.

You mentioned that your event was 20 years ago; I might have mis-read that, and if so, I apologize. There's a lot of medical history that will be in there. I'm just encouraging you to step back, put everything on the table, get some more medical opinions and really let yourself listen to them.

Doctors are not infallible, and you absolutely could have seen ones that are just not hearing your story right, or being patient enough to help you talk about everything that happened. Or they could be the wrong kinds of doctors.

See a neurologist; see a psychiatrist; see a trauma therapist - but not with the goal of having them tell you it's PTSD, just with the goal of getting the best diagnosis to head you towards the most effective treatment. 20 years is a long, long time to suffer, and for your own well-being I think you should keep your mind open regarding a diagnosis.

Sorry for the long, long response. It's not meant with anything but the intent to help. I'm sure that I'm responding in such detail because I have my own history of a missed diagnosis, due to my not putting everything out there and letting the professionals really sort it out. So I'm sharing my thoughts, that's all.
 
@Faith Hope Charity, please know that no one here is minimizing what happened to you and any question asking you what happened is very likely due to the fact that PTSD is in the news all the time and some people (not saying you) think it's (for lack of a better term) "cooler" to have than some other diagnosis.

We're all trying to help you see how important it is to have the right diagnosis. Since you are not (correct me if I'm wrong) a doctor, you can therefore not properly diagnose yourself. Additionally, it sounds like you think all the doctors who have said you don't have PTSD are wrong. Yes, doctors are fallible, but if multiple doctors are saying the same thing about you, they are worth listening to.

Oh! And you know when you have a cough, research your symptoms online, and then become convinced you actually have lupus? A similar thing can happen here, where you read the symptoms of PTSD and then become convinced you have it. Only, like with the lupus (apologies if you do have lupus, because it is rough) you don't. And because you're convinced you don't listen to what either doctors or actual sufferers are saying regarding PTSD.

Personally, I hope you don't have PTSD, because it really sucks and there is no cure. I'm hoping you have something else that has a brighter diagnosis, because I would never wish PTSD on anyone, except maybe Hitler.
 
Can you begin by getting an eval from a sort of neurological phsyciatrist? Or at least ask for a trauma-specialized therapist? Then you will get more direction and help understanding your symptoms. I had a colleague roommate who really struggled with taking perspective and not being able to comprehend what others were saying. She ministerpretted everything and mangaged to wreck relationships. I thought she might be BPD, but with a good eval it was PTSD and Autisum Spectrum. So she had a complex mix, but knowing that about herself, helped her move forward. She was able to manage in relationships better, and gained skilled in seeing "gray" area or hearing other perspectives.

0Just assuming a diagnosis, without a good eval, just keeps us googling and wondering. Problems in conversation could come from boredom, depression, disscociation like not being "present" (related to trauma or not), or Autsim spectrum. Too many things inteplay when we are talking about how we relate with others. None of us can tell you want you have. You owe yourself a smart and thorough evaluation. A good eval might help clear up some of your struggles and give you a sense of hope or direction. You don't have to go around feeling all holy and perfect. You just have to be you, but KNOT who you are...not guessing, and learn how to take care of yourself, when to leave a situation, how to set limits...all that good stuff we can learn working with a therapist. Good luck!
 
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