News Uk Sex Abuse Reportage Over The Last Year Or So....

[Springer80]

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone else might relate. I'm finding it very upsetting and demoralizing at the minute and indeed ever since he Jimmy Saville thing broke. I can' believe (can believe unfortunately) how biased, sensationalist, defensive, dismissive, blinkered and dis compassionate the media coverage is.

Every day it seems I am confronted with the culture that enabled me to get hurt and that still exists and operates just as well it seems only with more pointless furor. It was something that I hope to be able o in any small way help o change.

I feel crushed back into the ground every time.

I haven' the energy nor the the emotional reserve to post various links but when Prof. Richard Dawkins says that being brought up in a religion is more psychologically harmful than being sexual abused, when even he will use this crime against children for his own political angle (and I'm atheist/secular), then what is the f**king point.

It really makes me feel like crying today.....I feel physically oppressed by it. Do none of hem realize they only make it harder for the victims?

I suppose I don't want his to descend into a debate about the lack of merit in journalism, I mean whats he point? We all know it's shit and he point of view of the abused is rarely shown as the position to support.
I just hoped some people on here would be feeling the same thing.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I am very aware, every where I look even our local free paper is filled with story after story of abuse. I don't buy papers or watch the news, I read it through Google in a very blinkered way and avoid it for the most part. Every where you go it's story after story of abuse. Abuse in other countries, abuse in this country, abuse just locally, abuse by those who are trusted, abuse that's known about and therefore accepted by others who could have ended it, it just goes on and on. Even my Mum's just casually brought up - oh did you hear about this or that - not thinking for a second that it's incredibly painful.

Don't get me wrong I'm glad that the perpetrators have been caught or if nothing else, the victims have had their trauma's acknowledged, but it seems to be a bigger story (and seemingly more important) that the celebrity has done this or that not that they have left behind a trail of very damaged people. Sexual abuse seems to be a fad for journalists and those within the media. For those on the receiving end of it, it's for life, it doesn't just go away and their inconsideration to these people - who give them all their glorious news articles is despicable.

The saddest thing is how little difference the news is actually making. I overheard a discussion on a train a month ago regarding a poster requesting a monthly donation for children in other countries who had been forcibly married and had children at ages from 11. The university students in their late teens and early 20's said that it was just to get your money and that sort of thing never really happened, while another said she (the abused child) was disgusting and shouldn't have let them (her abusers) do that to her. A friend who shares child abuse articles and petitions and thinks that it only really happens in other countries on Facebook. I read about people who seem to that children should not be warned of any untoward behavior by adults or think comments such as "You look good enough to rape" are acceptable and then say that there is no such thing as a rape culture and then are surprised by articles like this: (Not for the faint of heart) http://www.shakesville.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html

It seems to be an endless barrage of story after story, trigger after trigger and it's inescapable. It feels very personal and aggressive. I wish I could not see all of the stories, not because of those who need their story shared or because I don't like to believe it exists, but because it does exist and it's too painful for me to be reminded about from all these people and all these places. I don't want someone to talk to me about this as part of a casual conversation and I don't want people trying to get my opinion because I above many should have a better understanding. And I personally don't want someone want someone who has no idea of what it's like to be so deeply traumatised thinking they understand what it's like to go through, that it's not that bad and that it wouldn't happen to them.

Yes. I find the whole thing incredibly upsetting and each time I think it will let off and there will be a few days without another news story, yet another arises and yet again it's more about the abuser and the shock that they could do such a thing rather than even slightly about the abused who now has to live with that.

 

[Lucycat]

I too find it infuriating the way the reporting has been going. However it was refreshing the other day to hear an article on the radio about surviving abuse. For once they were looking at the victims rather than the celebrity status of the perpetrators.

Additionally this week I have had to attend mandatory Child Protection training. I found it very challenging to be there while hypothetical cases ( and very real historical cases) were being discussed. However I took the opportunity to ask the trainers if the recent media flurry had had any impact on the number of current cases being disclosed. They said it had. There are more children reporting sexual abuse ( through childline and the like) and more cases than usual with the Police. Although they also said the Police were becoming overwhelmed by the number of historical cases being investigated.

I was very pleased to hear more children are coming forward. For those people like me who were abused many years ago, however dreadful, we are now safe as adults. If just one child is protected from further abuse that is happening right now, then I feel it is worth all the crap on TV. I can deal with that for the sake of them.

This doesn't mean I am dismissing the trigger factor for many of us. I know the psychological effects all too well.

 

[Springer80]

Hi Guys,

Thank you so much for your replies....Kas-Can-Fly, your obviously feeling as frustrated and hurt by it as I currently am. I really waned to launch into a big reply with all the quotes of yours above, but if I'm honest I've had a shitty day (family visit) and I dont think I can go to bed with all this whirring round my brain. I dont mean to selfish.

It is very hard confronting this stuff, thats the irony isn't it...that when you get really traumatized you often can bare to talk about without doing yourself more damage. My grandparent was one of the founders of False Allegations Against Carers and Teachers (FAACT), its so painful not to receive the time and compassion you need from people who purport to care and then bang on about BBC Management Structure Reviews, like that's gonna change anything.

Regarding the Manchester Music School Scandal, over which one poor women took her life after she made a statement, Nigel Kenndey (famous violoinist) had said it was sad the such a pure art form would be tarnished by this?!...And the three women in Ohio, the cops over there said that would the media please give them some room for the ordeal they have endured over the last 48hrs! Eeeerr what about the last decade? And how long do you suggest it would take to get over that?

Anyway, I said I wouldn't work myself up...

I will come back to this...

Night x

 

[Springer80]

(((((((((((Kas_Can_Fly))))))))))))))))))

 

[Abstract]

Springer, I am very sorry that it has affected you like this and understand everything you said. I hope you manage to get some sleep and feel better tomorrow. Be careful of the stuff I wrote here if you are still feeling vulnerable.

Its strange as I have been contemplating starting a thread about aspects of this during the day only to find this one on logging on.

I have found it all very difficult. Particularly peoples cavalier attitude to it and the amount of those who dismissed these things and did not stand up for the victims.

But my present most pressing bugbear was the news on the barrister Barbara Hewson whose solution to these things is:
A. Exclude all incidents which she concludes are "low level misdemeanour's" and "would usually not get to court". Such as putting ones hands up skirts or down tops, kissing etc.
B. And lowering the age of consent to 13. !
C. Stopping complainant anonymity.
D A shorter statute of limitations.

This to help to deal with the "prurient charade". And the "persecution of old men".

Lovely. All sorted then. Best way to sort the problem is to redefine it and define away the problem. That way everyone is just fine...

Has the woman not heard of grooming and does she really think its acceptable for predatory dirty old men such as Jimmy Saville to go around grouping 13 year olds and it be legal?!

Yes it would be a dismeanour but it is illegal.

She is also obviously seeing these things in terms of celebrities and star struck girls and that is bad enough in itself (blaming the victims methinks?) but has she thought of those who have a relative or someone else in their home environment like this and how a change of law such as this would affect them? I don't know why I am even attempting to break this down.

Worst of all I listened to a public debate about it and almost without exception they seemed to think most of it was reasonable. Except for Lee Hurst. Good for him.

Hugs to all that need them. All in all I do think that the discussions and media can only help compared to the alternative - silence.

It might expose ignorance but exposing ignorance is more likely to change things than the alternative. Its just upsetting.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I don't know what I did to warrant a hug, but I'm glad of it :)

**Hugs back**

 

[saffy]

I agree there is a lot of media coverage regarding the 'celebrity' peodos and manipulators.

I find it is highlighting the need for people to take accusations of rape and indecent assault seriously. It highlights how easy it was for them because society at that time either did not want to get involved or that they thought there was no point in saying anything because of the stigma and lack of support at the time, especially when people felt accusation against someone like Jimmy Saville would never be taken seriously or be hidden as he seemed to be more valuable to the ratings.

Now though people are starting to disclose what happened to them years ago. There is a better system and it is more likely to be believed and sorted accordingly. It is a pity he had died beforehand and never stood trial for his vile acts.

As much as the media seems to only be focusing on the celebs, I think that what is disclosed says enough about how the victims must have suffered at the hands of people in authority and status and how disgusting we all think that it appeared to be brushed under the table a lot and warnings being ignored.

Because of this constant attack on celebs people are starting to realise that no body is above the law and that it is worth while speaking out no matter what the status of the rapist was. I believe it is turning people opinions on being able to be listened to and believed.

I would not like to see the victims personal stories written all over the news either though. To retain some dignity and anonymity the victims are doing the right thing by finally talking about it. But rather than portraying themselves they have ousted and discredited those who were involved.

Sometime when we over hear things we can get ourselves anguished over others lack of knowledge about the victims of any sexual exploitation. It is hard to stomach comment like that heard on the bus by two ignorant students.

Unfortunately there are many out there. Making yourself angry and upset is just torturing yourself. Educating people can cause frustration which is why we cannot control what everyone thinks. But we can control whether to allow ignorance to win over what we know is right and wrong. It is sometimes time to stop focusing on comments made in ignorance and hope one day they will learn to understand the truth. The action needed is to either educate them or ignore them or you will always remain disillusioned with the world.

That barrister is obviously working for the peodos and trying to get this through court as soon as possible by only focusing on the major incidents. Her comments are ludicrous and have no argument other than to say 'no way you idiot'. I hope you never get vilified by dirty old men. I choose to laugh in her stupid face rather than getting annoyed by it. It is just not worth my energy other than a lot of pity. If anything I think it has worked for the victims by getting people to think about the victims more, if anything.

I am sorry to hear that this whole thing has affected you all so bad. Being able to empathise with the victims makes you feel like it is an attack on you personally when other victims are either not heard or taken seriously Or that people have ignorant ideas of it. Remember their views are a reflection of them and not the truth.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Don't get me wrong, I see that it's doing remarkable amounts of good for public awareness - despite people denying the existence of such crimes in front of the publicised media and accusing victims of lying. But the hype and intrigue surrounding the abusers, gives them attention and a sick sense of praise, I've heard lots of people talk about their interest in the abusers but very little that actually states they're in the wrong - that's not quite right, yes they imply it's wrong with a morbid curiosity to the crime and criminal and little respect or understanding to those on the other side.

Each time someone is accused and then denies it a lot of people presume the accused are telling the truth (because of course abusers like all criminals admit what they've done freely and would never lie or pervert the course of justice) and people start attacking all these victims as sick liars who want attention, basket cases or someone in search of a payout.

Yet at the same time, victims are being able to seek justice or at least a sense of closure and maybe away from the media they are getting the help they need, but the way it is reported will be distressing for them and for others involved. When I went to the doctors asking for help, despite having been struggling for some time, because the Jimmy Saville stuff was coming out she thought it was to do with that in a broad, sweeping sense she managed to completely disregard my own problems because you know there are hundreds of people who have been abused.

In a slightly different situation my sister saw her college counselor because she was struggling with the knowledge that her father was a pedophile and rapist and that I, her sister was broken beyond belief by him, to be met with the same thing: Hundreds of girls in this college have been abused, that (the gang rape and repeated rape of a child in exchange for narcotics) isn't that bad and it didn't even happen to you anyway, look at all these people in the newspapers...

Some people are using the publicity of abuse for normalisation and that is not ok and then rejecting people who need help and then justifying the abusers because so many of them have done good things too. It's all so wrong. But I am aware it's doing good too, I don't take it personally, but its wearing over time and distressing on a daily basis.

 

[Lucycat]

Each time someone is accused and then denies it a lot of people presume the accused are telling the truth (because of course abusers like all criminals admit what they've done freely and would never lie or pervert the course of justice)

Love it!! How true!

my sister saw her college counselor because she was struggling with the knowledge that her father was a pedophile and rapist

Hundreds of girls in this college have been abused

isn't that bad and it didn't even happen to you anyway, look at all these people in the newspapers..

this college counselor does not deserve the title. How little empathy and understanding. Sound like he/she was totally out of their depth. No excuses for speaking to a troubled student like this.
No wonder you are upset by it.

 

[Springer80]

[DLMURL]http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/may/06/sexual-abuse-in-white-community?INTCMP=ILCNETTXT3487[/DLMURL]

A man from ethnic group (A) using another ethnic groups (B) reaction to abuse by ethnic group (C) to justify his stance on Islamaphobia. Dont read it if you need to rest your blood pressure.

All this is i men finding ways to distance themselves from the truth of the situation and any slither of unpalatable truth in themselves. Cos lets face it we all have morals when we are not in a situation but how many can hand on heart say that they haven't bought someone an extra drink in the hope of getting lucky or waited until someone is upset and vulnerable to try and flirt....and that is the thin end of the wedge and mos men know it and know that its a few steps away from things society would not deem appropriate. Bystanders, women who want to distance themselves from culpability will say anything to keep their conscience in tact. My step dad said when Rolf Harris was being detained and I offered hat I agree that suspects should not be named publicly until a guilty verdict is reached, I said this so the integrity of victims is not called into question by sensationalist media and shoddy culturally insensitive police work and an inadequate justice system, he said that's not the problem its all those liars....those people who as grown up children desperately want to relive the horror for cash. This from a man who admitted to me once and has since conveniently forgot that he suspected ha I was being abused by my father but didn't wan to rock he boat whilst dating my Mum (as she wasn't boa rocking either I presume? Who Knows) and hen went on o find it amusing that I was uncomfortable if he got o much into my personal space, pinched my backside and flicked my bra strap on occasion, pulled my top forward on one occasion at he dinner table in front of my mother and sent me a vibrator in the middle of me trying to take my father to court.

Its this kind of reporting that provides people with a smoke screen behind which they can suggest outrageous things like lowering the age of consent to 13 without flinching. I mean can you imagine 'I only found out she was 9 later on your honor, I thought she looked 13.' Is f**king medieval.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I read it. Again, whilst it doesn't entirely justify the abuse, it trivializes it. It's sick. And of course it's just another day that has passed where another "scandal" has taken place. Not a horrific crime. Not a permanently scarring act which traumatises those who have been sickeningly taken advantage of. A scandal, a bit of gossip.