Hi all,
I have (is "have" even the right word?) Complex PTSD. Or PDSD Prolonged Duress Stress Disorder. Lovely title isn't it? They also call it the "invisible injury". How apt. Invisible. That's how I feel when asking for help, invisible. "Show me your wound" they say, or "you're just being lazy", "try harder".
Take two steps forward and shoot yourself in the foot, sound familiar? or how about "You're weird" and "twisted thinking"? Yeah, I've heard it all before, none of makes any difference in the real world, to OUR reality. The bills still come in, problems still have to be dealt with the stress levels warp our logical thinking. You carry guilt that is not yours to carry. Pain! So much pain, constant, can't let it out, too powerful, too destructive, I must maintain control !
Really, is that anyway to live?
I've been trying to understand Complex PTSD for 30 years, all by myself, of course. Well, not strictly true, I've had help along the way but didn't realise it at the time. What is new for me is the label, the name, the "PTSD stamp of rejection".
Great. I have something I can work with now. There's been a lot of research done on PTSD, I know quite a few psychologists who keep telling me I'm wrong, that there are places out there that help. Show me, I keep replying. Call your GP, they reply. GP doesn't have in house therapists, they want to offer me an appointment for 5 weeks from now to even discuss being referred to a therapist.
I can't find any groups, other than military or user led occasional drop-ins in London, West London. Nothing. Why not? How long ago was the Vietnam war?
My diagnosis may be new, I'm a novice, I know next to nothing about PTSD about the research done to date. On the other hand, I'm am expert on PTSD, I know the symptoms intimately.
I'm all for a meeting in London, I feel the same as many on here, if there isn't a group, then let's start one! I think that may actually be a symptom of our PTSD though, that's the problem. I read somewhere recently that it's vital that any therapist is a PTSD specialist, a normal non CBT approach therapist could in theory do more damage than good.
This makes me wonder how many specialist PTSD therapists are out their, even out of work therapists? It shouldn't be that hard to organise an event where we could meet, a group session if you like, with a trained PTSD therapist, and take it from there. If 15 or 20 people were in the group, and the therapist charged £150, do the math.
I like to turn a negative into a positive, if I can. It helps me cope, every time I manage it I win a tiny little bit of myself back. If that makes any sense?
The headline of this story, be it a symptom of PTSD or not, whether the rest of the world is mad and only I am sane, no matter... the headline is this.
I KNOW that if I can help you in any way then I will also be helping myself too.
I discussed my "diagnosis" with a good friend of mine, who happens to be a CBT psychologist, and my ideas to start a PTSD meeting group in London, to seek out funding, be it private or government, or charity, or even to start a charity, convert a houseboat for meetings or an old building, my mind was racing with ideas. How do you think this conversation was received by my psychologist friend? Not as I would have expected, funnily enough. I was hoping they would agree with me, see my point of view, volunteer to help, give me numbers of powerful contacts... Nope, none of that happened.
They said my idea was bordering on schizophrenic. Nice. Back to basics was the general advice, concentrate on myself, make an appointment with the GP for a month from now, get into the system, slowly slowly. Yeah yeah. So here I am, on this site, taking to you!
Let's do this.
