Unable To Find The Words

[Gerrard]

It took me hours to decide to sign onto this site. I was a person of words once. This is no longer the case. Inside there is a crying that does not stop. Sleep or rest no longer exists much of the time. When awake I keep using words like "I can't take this, please God Help me, what is wrong with me" I was one way for years and now it seems the person is someone else. I am ever having a problem with pulling this message together. No words seem to be available when I attempt to communicate my feelings. Just fear, anger at myself and guilt that is my gift to me that never stops giving.

 

[Cynthiatoo]

Welcome Gerrard
You are still a person of words. PTSD makes it hard for us to find words and memories and retrieve them from our brains. You did a great job of your post, well done.

Negative thoughts upon waking are a sign of depression. Are you seeing a doctor, if not this could be your very first step.

Take it slowly, and be kind to yourself as though you are looking after someone else that you love.

Read a little bit of this site every day, not for too long. Maybe set a timer for a half hour. It will make you start to feel comfort and you will learn so much.

It's OK. You have begun with the very best move you could make. Welcome. You will find friends here and acceptance.

 

[anthony]

Hi Gerrard, welcome to the forum and glad to see you push past your own fears. Well done.

 

[Artista]

So hard. And I love words. I know what you mean. The thought of me using words to explain this seems incredulous in many moments of self doubt. It can be so difficult to reconcile trauma into everyday... damn near impossible at the start of dealing with its impact! Your reaching out here is an excellent step!! Bravo. Welcome to the forum.

 

[Jawn]

Welcome to the forum. You will find a lot of support, information, and support here.

Jawn

 

[James B.]

Hello - welcome to the forum. :hello:

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Hi Gerrard,
You've reached out and you will find help and support here in abundance.
Take your time and you will see you are not on your own.
Welcome.
LH

 

[Gerrard]

Thank you for your reply. Not yet able to figure the site out. I have a very short attention span. I am seeing 3 doctors. It seems confusing to me that while they are all on the same page about my condition the when it started is not an answer I can get. There have been a number of "happenings" in the past ten years that could have been the cause. Too early to know what is the next step and the how and where remain a mystery to me. Gerrard

 

[anni]

Hi Gerard,

Words, sentences-spelling- they all just go AWAY when I'm in that state, or even a much milder one. No idea why, although there are several members here who no doubt could get to the bottom of that. It seems as normal as anything else with this stupid thing, if normal is even a word one can use across the board. The attention span thing-you're not alone there either, believe me. It doesn't fix anything, but boy, just hearing that others have the same manifetsations is for some reason comforting-not alone, I guess.

It's tough, getting it all out for docs, and perhaps then feeling as if one has to justify to them your traumas. I think some docs do tend to get stuck on the whole 'One single event' theory, and will keep trying to pin you down there. Some suffers do have their one mindbogglingly, incredibly wrnching trauma and it's so vivid are able to pinpoint the terribly details.Traumas are so varied-Good Grief-one can't begin to 'measure' any of what might add up to PTSD. NOT being able to oganize events in your head, or verbalize things properly I think is just as much of a hallmark of this as the former. So different, and for some reason some docs can't 'get' this! Some do, of course-mine did as well as one I'd never even seen before-a cardiologist who treated me in ER for chest pains! There was an astute woman, whew!

You know what you went through, what you're dealing with now. At some point it will be put together for you-a healing plan based on what YOU know will be helpful-which will be the result of being not just heard but understood, you know? Try not to unravel your mysteries all at once-like that ball of yarn the dam cat got ahold of and is all felfuffled all over the living room. You can't-have to sit down, find the end ( while swearing at said cat) and just slowly look to see how to untangle this mess so you can roll that ball up again. Trying to hurry the process just makes it a bigger tangled mess.The other point is, is that it's doable.Be kind to yourself, that's all. :)

Take care,

Anni

 

[changed]

Welcome to the forum Gerrard.

I found myself lost for words on several occassions, Im a jumbled mess with words and thoughts these days. I got diagnosed with PTSD 2 and a half years ago not long after I got diagnosed with dislexia; I often wonder if its more related to my PTSD than anything as I was different before and never had a problem.

Anyways welcome and I hope you find some answers on here (I know I did and still do).
Take Care
Changed x

 

[Iam]

Welcome to the forum Gerrard. As you can see from the above posts you will find lots of support here. It was a big step for you just to post here and a good first step at that. Many have posted to take your time so don't need to reiterate.....Oh I just did, HA! There are lots of articles that you will find helpful and I guarantee that there will be someone, if not lots of people, here who have experienced similar traumas.

Welcome!