Unable To Make Conversation

[HappyJock]

As some of you know, I am diagnosed with PTSD and have symptoms of a personality disorder as well as some from BoPD. It's come to my attention that I don't really understand why I do this. When I sit down in therapy, I start smiling. Now, this never happened, but for example, it's as if five minutes before, I could have tried to kill myself, but I walk into the office smiling and as if nothing happened. I can't keep a straight face. I'm not sure why. I don't find anything amusing about sitting in front of a therapist. In fact, I do want nothing more than to admit how badly I'm feeling, but I can't express it. It's as if it SEEMS like I'm doing better and my psych. has said I do look better, but when I told her I wasn't, she just told me to go more than twice a week to my social worker, which is fine, but she's observant. Even on my first day seeing her, she asked why I was smiling and what was funny. When I said nothing, I guess she understood it had something to do with anxiety or something. Anyone know why this happens? Sometimes I do try to stop smiling but I end up smiling after a few minutes.

My guess is:

1. It's a subconscious defense mechanism, as it fears being open and honest.
2. Something to do with anxiety
3. Possibly something to do with a symptom of some type of personality disorder or hiding.

There could be MANY reasons and I'd like to hear if anyone experiences something similar or has any other ideas.

 

[Kintsugi]

I have a really severe nervous smile/laugh reaction to feeling I'm under some kind of pressure or have a lot of anxiety or grief. It sucks. I often find myself biting the inside of my lip to keep a straight face. It's unintentional, and I am by no means advocating that.

I would tell your T that you smiling appears to be a reaction to anxiety.

 

[Born to Run]

I used to do this in the supermarket, maybe also other social situations and I hated it. I believe it is a biological social human cue when you smile it means that you mean no danger to the other, so you signal you are safe and probably is meant to avoid increase of tension, anxiety when in a social situation. A baby also makes contact with smiling, showing maybe also submissiveness, and lowering chances of danger.

 

[Sideways]

I smile at my mum, and she hates it, because she knows it's not real. When she saw me in ICU when I woke up, I started smiling and telling her things were really fine and it was awful, because I knew she was hurting almost as bad as I was.

For me, apparently it's a Borderline thing. Something about worrying they'll abandon me if I'm always miserable to be around and too much hard work. I'm trying to stop doing it, but it's like a pathalogical thing.

Don't know if that helps?

 

[Tinyflame]

I think those sound plausible @nightwalker & @Simply Simon . I've had friends that laughed at funerals & such, I don't have that but understand. What kind of relief/ avoidance does it seem to help @nightwalker ?

@Ragdoll Circus , I smile to reduce worry etc (of others), it might be just a 'human' thing?

 

[Sideways]

Junebug - I like to think that despite the Borderline, I'm still all human!!

For me it kind of goes beyond just smiling. My whole behaviour changes, even if I cried all the way there in the car.

I laughed at someone who was about to punch me once, but that was definitely just stress:)

 

[ms spock]

As some of you know, I am diagnosed with PTSD and have symptoms of a personality disorder as well as some from BoPD.

What is BoPD please?

 

[HappyJock]

What is BoPD please?

Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD can be confusing because it also stands for Bipolar so I use BoPD.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I have this too, smiling and laughing when I am nervous, it makes people think I'm okay when really I'm not. For me it goes back to pretending everything is fine because otherwise my mother would get mad, her secrets about abusing me would have gotten out.