Uncle Trying to Contact Me

[batgirl]

OH and thanks anthony for your post. Forgot to say thanks. I really appreciate it especially since you are so busy right now with the new baby. I am going to finish up here and then probably disappear again for a day or two.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Wow! What wonderful news! Yes, Christmas would be just a bit much! Hell, I hate family gatherings... My mother keeps bugging about Christmas, no no and no? Why do I have to keep repeating it? Took a cheap shot though as I got a letter in the mail from my step dad's mom this weekend. She is going to be there and they know I love her. Old people get things... Not my parents but the really old. I get along with them a whole lot better!

I know the thought of moving may have your head all over! This "normal life" shit we hear about LOL. I am still convinced it has to be a fairy tale and not a reality. But that is exactly what we are doing here. I am walking away from my farm, leaving Texas all together and I was born here and lived here all my life. I am starting over in a new place with my family rearranged and it will be a whole new life.

We are going to be around my husband's family and they are tight knit. They are suppossed to help with me and the kids. My husband says that is what family does and when we had that baby and married I bacame family like it or not I have one. If someone has problems the other part of the family pulls what they can to help. He keeps telling me this is normal and the way I grew up was not.

I am scared shitless. I hate admitting I have a problem to the degree I need other people in my business. I feel very over whelmed at the thought of a bunch of people thinking I am whacked out. I told hubs all you are doing is bringing an emtionally and mentally unstable wife home. I have seen his parents a couple times and his sister a couple times. The rest I have not met. And this will be their intro???

His family is thrilled at him "coming home" and us moving by his parents. They are even more tickled as his little sister and BIL will be moving there soon too. BIL is an officer in the Navy and a pilot. He is up for retirement after they have another round in Texas, what do they rotate out here like every year or two? So it is in the near future and he is taking it and leaving I think to be a history teacher or something like that... I am not overly tickled to be around BIL as I do not like the idea of feeling weak but I am trying to think he is fine but he has had to see people crack in his line of work!

But the point is this family is just tickled as their little birds with their own full nests are returning to be close. Even if one of the nests has a cracked egg LOL.

I think it is great they have a room special for you, sounds like they have been waiting for you to come home and don't plan on you going away any time soon! I am not sure that is a bad thing at all as you already know them and know they are good people. And you have to look how would this really hurt? You have not put roots down... Some big choices but worth taking a good look at!

Me, I am going in about as blind as one can not knowing these people that are supposed to be my new family that is supposed to be helping. And they are expecting a full blown nut job...

And the area. I did research on the net. Houston area is very culturally diverse. Ummm Kansas at least where I am going glows... 95% white and most of German decent. It will be such a major culture shock to me. Which made me panic as I see I may not be able to get my Jasmine rice, not easy to find and I have to drive in closer to Houston to find it as it is. I was thinking they are not going to have it at all out there and thinking of buying a couple 20lb bags before I leave LOL.

Yes, change is scary as is the thought and sorry my post is so rambly, the withdrawals are no fun and my head is everywhere and this should be hubs last day of work to start getting ready for the move. So I am a bit brain fried today. Just saying I get it :)

 

[batgirl]

Thanks veiled. I think I knew you were moving, but I didn't know it was so far away and to your husband's family. Maybe I read it before but I'm kind of spacey right now from all that's going on for me. Anyways sounds verrry scary!! At least for me, I know my family, mostly know what to expect, etc. But these are your in-laws. That would be difficult. I'd be quite apprehensive myself. I do wish you all the best!

That does suck about the jasmine rice though. I hope you're moving to a place where there's a big supermarket of some kind that has an Asian section. I like basmati rice myself.

For me, moving would be huge as well... I couldn't possibly live any further away from my relatives at present. They are in Newfoundland, and I am about 2600 miles west of there! Actually other than being born on a base in Germany, I am technically from Newfoundland, or my father's family is rather, so it would be like going home in a sense. And living there, no one would be teasing me about my accent or constantly asking where I'm from. I have a distinctive Newfoundland accent that I haven't been able to shake, blah. In case you don't know what that is, it's sort of like an Irish accent. I always think I'm getting better at NOT talking like that, I watch lots of American TV shows and practice talking more slowly, but just when I think I am blending in, someone comments on my accent again. Sigggh. Is there much difference in accents between Texas and Kansas? I know what Dr. Phil speaks like, but I've also met people from Texas who seemed to have what I consider just an "ordinary" American accent. Anyways I don't know why I'm going on about accents!!!

Thanks for "getting" it... I hope your move is smooth and ends up being a good decision. Me, I'm going to relax and think about it for a while... a LONG while... before I decide on anything.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Actually the accents or drawal vary from parts of Texas you are from and where you are raised. Kind of a weird thing but you have to look at how big Texas is... And a lot of people say they are from Texas who were not born and raised. I lived a long time growing up in a little town where the accent developes easy and a lot of time in Ft. Worth with my mom. Houston is my dad... Houston proper is such a truly diverse melting pot and you hear almost every accent and not much of the typical southern drawal that I can pick up (it may be there). My baby sis has no accent that I pick up on but it is hard for me to pick up some to hearing it. See I have no clue where Dr.Phil is from but would assume his is more a Dallas - Ft Worth sounding; hearing him I hear and pick up his. My ex I don't, but it is there.

I didn't know it was at all there as an accent until someone had a video during the holidays, my ex with the kids and he still sneaks video at b-day parties. When I heard myself I really thought no way that is me speaking LOL...

I don't like to speak a lot with it to people that are not from around here. I have been up North pretty far a few times and some people acted I was not even speaking English and rude as if I were a stupid hick, to the say something again just to hear it... Yea, good way to get me shut up. Kansas people I have seen and spoke with, like hubs, is more the neutral sound like you hear on the news broadcasts. Just a couple different word pronounciations. But so far no one rude enough to point drawal out yet. Not sure if my son will be teased at the highschool over it, but I figure some girls like it so he should be fine...

So I do get the accent thing, it makes the agoraphobic tendencies flare up pretty well and makes you self consious making the social phobia worse too (the addtional labeling we get from docs). But I have to stop and think Anthony would be so quick to tell us both these are self esteem issues we need to work on LOL ya think? So accents you "are going on about" make sense as it does make an impact. But the accent you describe sounds beautiful and bet it is, as most are really!

I hope you get some good relax time, you need and deserve it after such a huge step you made and I am so happy you finally spoke with them!

 

[batgirl]

Wow I never thought of the accent thing as being a self-esteem issue but you're probably right, veiled. Sorry you've had bad experiences with people treating you like a hick. I mostly just get curiosity. And people often think I'm a foreign student. I like the Texas accent in some ways haha. It has a certain charm. It's interesting that you never thought of yourself as having an accent!

Anyways thanks again, I should be resting rather than being on here. I had a long sleep this afternoon and nightmares galore during it, but I'm up again now. Should definitely get off here though. Might go for a walk and/or rent a movie. Have a good night!

 

[anthony]

OMG I actually spoke to my uncle and aunt late last night!!!!!! I waited for them to call for about 2 hours, but my nerves and my stomach couldn't take it anymore so I ended up calling them first.

I just can't express how happy I am for you right now batgirl. Huge well done and congratulations on contacting and speaking with them. So proud of you for taking such a big step.

Then I get on the phone and I just started bawling my eyes out.... which I NEVER do, even with my psychiatrist I never cried like that. I think I really freaked them out.

I don't think you freaked them out at all... I think they're just very happy to know that you are safe and alive, and slowly getting yourself better. You said it yourself when you told us that they are really great people... and this just demonstrates it further, as does building a new home and thinking about the day they find you, by ensuring a special bedroom for you when they found you. This doesn't sound like people who don't care about your well being, with no strings attached. I think your very lucky to have such relatives who truly care about you in this way batgirl.

I honestly believe they are now more satisfied knowing your alive and well, than worried more. A phone call can make such a big difference, well done.

my other uncle, my dad's other brother who is also in the military, was killed while on deployment overseas, just over 2 years ago.

Oh Batgirl... I am sorry to here this. Please don't beat yourself up though that you weren't present at the time, because I think you will find that your relatives understand considering what you have endured already. You have suffered immensly, and they are well aware of this, and no doubt very understanding of your decisions also. You did not know, nor could you predict such an event occuring. Its not your fault... you have your own problems that take precedence, and that is not selfish, it is being honest with yourself. I don't believe anyone will think any less of you for running away batgirl, because they have an idea of the pain you have endured, and likely they just want to know that your well.

They want to see me, of course. They want me to come to them for Christmas. They just bought a new house and my aunt was blathering on about how there is a bedroom for me with no carpet (I have asthma and allergies).

This really just reaffirms just how much they care and are thinking about you batgirl. They build a house and make a special room for you, in the off chance they finally get in touch with you and see you again, become a family once again. If Christmas is too much for you, then only you know that. I already know and completely understand how PTSD affects us in relation to Christmas, holidays and so forth. I also understand how it affects us in relation to seeing relatives we have not seen in a long time.

Will it trigger you? Most likely yes, but that is something I think will only benefit you actually, not hinder you for long. I actually believe that when you do visit them, once past the initial anxiety of it all and settled for a bit, this will help you to resolve some of the pain from your past.

It really is ok to just breakdown and cry batgirl, please don't ever feel that your being silly, being a cry baby or any such thing. It takes a stronger person to cry than it does not to cry. It takes a stronger person to show their emotions than it does to hide them. I see so much strength in you batgirl, as I have said to you previously, all just from your posts here, let alone if I ever met you. I really see a person who is carrying so much pain, yet so strong within herself to also release that pain in a good way. Your family whilst a trigger initially, I see as being a huge help too you in releasing more of your pain. I really think you have just done exceptionally well though in making contact after so long, and that deserves such big hugs... If I was with you, I would hug you heaps.

So of course they think I should just up and leave everything, move in with them for a while and then get my own place close by.

They just care about you batgirl, thats all. I am sure they will be more than accepting off your decisions and only help you with them. The offer is there, which means their door is always open for you whenever you need it, or want it. That is a rare thing in this world.

This is about you though, not them... so you know what is right for you and what is not. I would think that when your ready, make a visit for a week or two, see how you feel. I don't believe a few days would be beneficial enough, because your anxiety would still be rampant. You need just long enough to see how comfortable you feel after the initial anxiety has calmed. A visit for a week or two, then leave and see how you feel. You will know whether you would want to go and live with them, or even nearer to them on your own, so you can all see each other daily or much more frequently.

Baby steps batgirl, and you have just taken a huge step. So proud of you... I want to jump through this screen and give you a huge hug.

 

[batgirl]

Thanks so much anthony. I am very touched by everything you said. I'll have to comment on everything later, as I'm about at the end of my rope for how much of the forum I can take for today (I wasn't even supposed to come on here today, oh, well...). But anyways I just wanted to let you know I read your post and really appreciate it too!

 

[batgirl]

Just a small update... I was to see my family physician this morning, and I told her the news of contacting my relatives, and them wanting me to move closer. I was surprised, but she thought it was a very good idea. She is encouraging me to move. Reason being, besides the PTSD and currently not having a psychiatrist (I'm on a waiting list), my physical health is not very good. I never did fully recover from being shot. Anyways she thinks I might do better, eat more, gain some weight, etc, if I had more family support. Sigh. So another thing to think about. I'm still going to take my time deciding, however.

 

[batgirl]

I am feeling really sad all of a sudden. It's kind of a rare emotion for me. I'm not sure if it was hearing about my uncle's death or what, but I feel like crying again, mostly about my brother. He'd be 15 now. I wonder what he'd be like and like I said I feel very sad. Well, back to bed I guess blah. I get upset and then I feel very tired.

 

[anthony]

Batgirl, you still haven't had those few days off yet, and your going to get very overwhelmed if you don't be kind to yourself and take it easy. You have some extremely serious trauma to deal with, and too much exposure to others trauma, will trigger yours in too higher doses also. Please, take those days off and let your mind recover. I really don't want too see you get extremely ill because off too much exposure here. Please take it easy on yourself. Baby steps... it all comes together in the end.

 

[batgirl]

You're right anthony, I'm stupid to be on here right now. I don't know what I've been doing the last couple of days... it's nuts. Anyways, think I will finally take your advice now and UNPLUG the computer completely. See you in a few days!

 

[kimG]

Batgirl,

Anthony's advice to take a couple days off is a GREAT one. I used to get on this site almost every day, but not it's about every two or three days because I need the break.

Congrats on talking with your aunt & uncle. I'm glad to hear the conversation went as well with you as it did with me and mine. As I am typing this, my mind is wandering back to my call with my aunt & uncle...

About your other uncle who died, yes, there is remorse and guilt. And the "what if..." thoughts. It would be easy for me to say you have nothing to feel guilty about because you didn't do anything to cause it, but that would mean I would have to listen to my own advice (ha!); when I went back and visited my parents' graves, I also found out that 6 of my aunts & uncles (and three of their spouses) had died in the 14 years I had been gone. I felt the guilt you felt too, because I didn't get to say goodbye to them or because I wasn't there to support their families like they were for me or because...well, I don't know why, I just know I had that same guilt.

Hang in there, girl. Don't rush into anything too quickly. Do it in your time, for yourself, not when others want you to. Yes, it was nice for them to have a room that met your needs, but it wouldn't be fair of them to use it as leverage against you and your decision to move or not.

As for seeing them at Christmas...only you can decide that.

But once again...good going!