Uncomfortable With Others Pouring It Out.

[Anna]

I guess that is where the saying "Too much info" comes from :P

Best is to just not read it if it makes you feel strongly about it. Just press the back button on your browser or close it.

Some people need to vent, just as others never speak. It is all down to individual differences.

I myself cannot stand hugs or sympathy. It is just the way I am, it annoys me as I feel like it is false, even if the person means well. I cannot stand the lovey dovey falseness of it. That is just me though.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I think it's very difficult to find the reply that suits everyone.

If you don't relate responses to your own story, some people will percieve that they are being told what they should do.

If you do relate responses to your own story, some people will percieve that you're self-obsessed (or full of self-pity)

If you give straight forward practical advice, some people will percieve you as cold and bullish.

If you give an ahh or a hug, some people will percieve you as being fake and manipulative.

For the most part, what we are sensitive to says more about how we view ourselves and our place in the world, than it says about the person we are interacting with.

So sometimes when something has sparked your irritation or fear, it is worth looking at why you feel that way. Then you can consider other possibilities about people who perhaps behave in a way that you can't relate to.

 

[Philippa]

I think what you are describing is when people read someone elses post, it triggers a memory for that person, and they feel the need to share it then.

I don't see that as a problem so much, as I think it is only natural when you are reminded of something, but yeah, when it starts to get graphic I don't see why that can't be left for a persons diary...where all that is supposed to be. Just me personally.

I am trying to think if I have done this here? Hope not.

 

[Philippa]

I really like what you said here meadowsweet. It's very much about the individual. Self-exploration is never ending if you are interested in always learning more. Sometimes I get a bit sick of it and stop asking myself what that means about me, and fall back into pretending it isn't about me, but I know how thirsty I can get for more understanding of myself once I'm on a role.

 

[intothelight]

After being here for as long as I have, I basically have adopted a "live and let live" attitude. Sure there are some things that are far too graphic for me, but it is not me writing it. If the author needs to be that detailed to deal with the reality of the trauma, that is their choice. My choice is not to read it.

I also avoid certain members because it feels like they are going through the same loop, over and over. Not that we all don't loop on occasion, but some people are stuck and I can't help. But it is not my responsibility or my place to judge.

Take what you need and use what you want. That is the beauty of a forum, no one is under any obligation, other than to follow the rules, as to what they read, what they post, and all are entitled to their own opinion. What one may view as insensitive another may view as objective.

No one is forced to be here and no one is forced to read. We write what we want, we read what we want, and we take and/or give as each of us feels the need, want, or desire.

 

[shell]

I find reading others diaries very triggering, and stick to just a couple of diaries for that very reason, I can relate to those few diaries, and also those who support me, and I like to support in return.

I found others who give feedback on things I am struggling with very helpful. As time passes it gets easier to face the things that are uncomfortable, or I stick to the topics that I am interested in.

 

[Philippa]

That is the beauty of this forum, you're right there intothelight. Something for everyone here.

 

[cherryblossom]

I'm pretty much a 'closed book'. I find it very difficult to talk about anything that bothers me, however writing about such issues does come a little bit easier than saying it out loud. So I might feel more comfortable posting something on the forum than I would saying out it out loud to anyone (friends, family, therapist etc).

I see nothing wrong with people sharing whatever they need to share. Some posts I read, other's I don't.

It seems to me that the majority of members here, give and take - they ask for help when they need it, and offer advice to others when they can. I'm not sure that there is such a thing as too much information. If a person has something to say - let them say it. If I don't want to read it, I just navigate away from the thread.

If a thread goes off topic, then the thread starter has every right to intervene, and ask the person taking the thread off topic to take a step back and start their own thread.

I don't think you are insensitive Bill - far from it. But perhaps you need to give yourself some boundaries and just ignore threads, or members that upset you.

This forum is emotionally draining. It discusses distressing topics, and the majority of people who read and respond are distressed due to their own trauma(s). I doubt you are the only person who feels as you do, but only you control what you read. Everyone who participates in this forum should take plenty of time away from it too, simply because it is emotionally draining to come here daily and read more and more upsetting stories.

People shouldn't be silenced, or made to feel that they are posting too much information. Trauma needs to be talked about. In my opinion it is down to the reader to place their own boundaries about what they are comfortable reading, not for the poster to wonder whether they are posting too much information.

 

[Philippa]

Well yes, that's a good point. It's even made me think back on posts I've made that I otherwise would not have worried about. People don't need to fear that they are distressing anyone else, on top of everything they are going through in their lives.

Sometimes it is hard to know what is too much information when you are stressed and traumatized, and haven't had anyone willing to listen to you in a while...you tend to just blurt things out without having any idea as to what other personalities might think, which isn't the persons fault.

 

[Loner]

It sounds like you're being triggered to some extent.

 

[Lucycat]

I understand where you are coming from. There are some posts that are too graphic for me so I stop reading.

But it is like watching TV. Some films are to graphic for me so I switch over.

I think I am pretty quick to judge, what, for me, is too much. I stop promptly. I don't continue to the end and then say 'I didn't' like that.

Yes, I do think some people post too much detail. For me. For them that may only be scratching the surface of what they need to get out.

 

[piratelady]

I think the saying, "To each their own" fits well here. Regarding thread topics, I read most of the Sadism thread, I had to skip parts of it. I almost felt like I had to read it to educate myself so I don't make the same mistake twice. Then there is fetish thread, three words and I was out of there.

Regarding replies, I rather like when people share their own stories. If it does relate to my situation, I am able to learn from their experience and better understand. I also like the practical advice. It all really depends on me and my mood. I asked Nicolette about how she gives so much at her job. I expected almost a "How To" to give more. Instead she replied with a lot of information about how she came to work so much and how it affects her. It was not what I was asking for but it was more helpful than I could have imagined.

The point I'm making is we all have a tolerance to read certain things. We are all looking for something a little different from this site. Sometimes we get something different than what we are looking for and it is what we actually needed. Sometimes a thread or reply is far from what we need. That is what the "back" button is for ;). You are not being insensitive. We are just all different and are looking for different things.