Supporter Understanding My Boyfriend's Behavior and PTSD

[hATEptsd]

Hi everyone. I'm new here. I don't have PTSD, but my boyfriend does. I need help trying to understand his behavior. He refuses to get help so I really don't know what to do next.

 

[Riley Jones]

Hi everyone. I'm new here. I don't have PTSD, but my boyfriend does. I need help trying to understand his behavior. He refuses to get help so I really don't know what to do next.

Hello and welcome to myptsd.com! We're glad to have you here. It's great that you're seeking information and support for your boyfriend who is dealing with PTSD. Understanding and supporting someone with PTSD can indeed be challenging, but there are steps you can take to offer the help they need.

Firstly, it's important to remember that everyone's experience with PTSD is unique. Encouraging your boyfriend to seek professional help is crucial, as therapy can be highly beneficial in managing and healing from trauma. However, it's important to note that individuals must be ready and willing to seek help on their own terms.

In the meantime, educating yourself about PTSD and its symptoms can help you better understand his behavior and empathize with his struggles. Myptsd.com is a wonderful resource for both individuals with PTSD and their loved ones. By sharing your experiences and connecting with others who understand what you're going through, you'll find support and guidance on this journey.

I encourage you to explore the various forums available on myptsd.com. They cover a range of topics, from coping strategies to relationships and beyond. By reading and interacting with others, you'll gain valuable insights and perspectives that can aid both you and your boyfriend.

Remember, while seeking support from this community is important, it is not a substitute for professional help. If your boyfriend's symptoms worsen or if you notice any dangerous behavior, please do not hesitate to encourage him to reach out to a mental health professional.

We're here for you, so feel free to ask any questions or share your experiences. Again, welcome to myptsd.com, and I hope you find the support and understanding you're looking for.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the community!

He refuses to get help so I really don't know what to do next.

Pretty much the same things you would/could do if someone you were dating had diabetes and refused to get help.

- Nothing & Stay.
- Educate yourself but stay out of it unless sought out.
- Direct Confrontation &/or Negotiation
- Passive Aggressive Confrontation &/or Manipulation
- Aggressive Confrontation &/or Force
- Nothing & Leave.

How long have the 2 of you been together?


When you say he refuses help… what does that look like? (For example, new PTSD diagnosis since after the two of you have been together, versus he’s had PTSD for 25 years and is perfectly happy with the treatment he did back when & is managing just fine in his opinion.)

 

[hATEptsd]

Welcome to the community!


Pretty much the same things you would/could do if someone you were dating had diabetes and refused to get help.

- Nothing & Stay.
- Educate yourself but stay out of it unless sought out.
- Direct Confrontation &/or Negotiation
- Passive Aggressive Confrontation &/or Manipulation
- Aggressive Confrontation &/or Force
- Nothing & Leave.

How long have the 2 of you been together?


When you say he refuses help… what does that look like? (For example, new PTSD diagnosis since after the two of you have been together, versus he’s had PTSD for 25 years and is perfectly happy with the treatment he did back when & is managing just fine in his opinion.)

He knows he isn't doing well. We've been together a year and a half but have known each other 30+ years. He was diagnosed some time before our relationship. He doesn't think anything will help, he has told me this. I worry so much about him and his well being. Currently I think he's recovering from a flashback but i dont know. I want to make sure he's ok but I don't want to push him further. We haven't talked or text for a couple of days.

 

[Friday]

Knowing him for 30 some off years? Will give you a helluva lot more leverage / ability to boss his ass (regardless of how you choose to go about doing that; directly, flanking, or aggressively), than most partners will have. It also means he’s both more AND less likely to listen to anything you have to say (saints never recognised at their own hearths).

Personally? I’d leave that power in my back pocket, for the time being, as what’s used least often? Has the greatest effect.

- Read up. (As you so clearly, already are!)

- Get your own therapist who specializes in PTSD AND Family (just like there are a lot of therapists who specialize in death & dying? There are a lot of therapists who specialize in Family/Relationships. But working with a therapist who specializes in families battling cancer, when your child or spouse has leukemia; or a therapist who specializes in families dealing with trauma, when your partner has PTSD? Will net you waaaaaaay better results. Often, in ways one wouldn’t expect. IE the exact opposite of the (explosively bad) McAdvice for Normal Problems a regular Marriage & Family Therapist unfamiliar with trauma & PTSD will give.

- Get REALLY secure in your own boundaries. (There’s a lot written about that in the Supporter Section, as many people misunderstand boundaries to be something someone else is supposed to do IE as a way to manipulate others. Rather than what we, ourselves, do. Our most secure boundaries? We don’t even have to think about. Like if a drunk homeless man makes to pee on you? What do you do? “Obviously” XYZ. He crossed your boundary by attempting to pee on you, so you…. XYZ. <<< New boundaries are a whoooole lot harder, and infinitely easier to move on accident). Silver Lining? Being in a relationship with someone with PTSD = a whole helluva lotta chances to practice maintaining boundaries!

Once you’re secure in your knowledge base, boundaries, & support system? THEN, make a plan, and pull out the “I’ve known you for 30 years, and this IS what is about to happen.” Card.


Some fantastic resources are in the link below

General - Important Supporter Information

Supporter Video Series This is a series of 18 short videos which walk a supporter / carer through the problems of PTSD from a spouse perspective, showing you what you need to do if you want to stay within the relationship. Self Help - Resolve of a Caregiver Edit to add: if the link above...

www.myptsd.com

 

[hATEptsd]

Just to update, now he just wants to be alone and doesn't want to be bothered. I haven't reached out to him. He won't tell me if we're over or together just he wants to be alone. I'm doing okay, but I'm afraid I've lost him.

 

[Livinginhope]

Just to update, now he just wants to be alone and doesn't want to be bothered. I haven't reached out to him. He won't tell me if we're over or together just he wants to be alone. I'm doing okay, but I'm afraid I've lost him.

Sorry you're going through this. I know the feeling only too well. I wish I could offer any meaningful advice Take care of yourself and good luck.

 

[hATEptsd]

Thank you! I came here for some answers and unfortunately, what I am reading is that the sufferer ghosts the supporter and then leaves. Is that that what happened with you?

 

[Livinginhope]

Thank you! I came here for some answers and unfortunately, what I am reading is that the sufferer ghosts the supporter and then leaves. Is that that what happened with you?

Not exactly. We're still 'together' after nearly four years but much of that has been spent with him shutting himself off from me and pulling away. In fact, he's doing it again at the moment. Which is why I say 'together' because you can't have a real relationship with someone who keeps disappearing. I'll be there if he needs me, but I've learnt to pretty much shut myself off emotionally from him now. This probably isn't what you want to hear, but think very carefully before continuing is my advice. It may never be what you want, and you're likely to spend a lot of time alone if he's an isolator.

 

[bungle2234]

@hATEptsd hi i have ptsd and my behavior can seem strange an erratic. i thought i didnt need help i get severe flash backs i hardly sleep i start crying at random time i get angry its like flicking a switch, thank heavens my girlfried is suportive the main thing id say is be parient and i found sitting down and talking helps remembet its his ptsd making him say and do things hope this helps if not and u need to talk message me on here

 

[hATEptsd]

@hATEptsd hi i have ptsd and my behavior can seem strange an erratic. i thought i didnt need help i get severe flash backs i hardly sleep i start crying at random time i get angry its like flicking a switch, thank heavens my girlfried is suportive the main thing id say is be parient and i found sitting down and talking helps remembet its his ptsd making him say and do things hope this helps if not and u need to talk message me on here

Thank you. I'm just so confused and I'm in constant mental turmoil. I just wish I had answers and I don't know that I'm strong enough to deal with the silence I get from him. It's been 2 weeks now and he is so emotionless like I mean nothing. I dont hear a word from him when we would be in constant contact before. We don't live together. So I feel I'm losing any connection with him.