Childhood Understanding my habits as a result of trauma (?)

[lola_l]

I'm very new to any kind of self analysis and recovery. Now that I'm an adult (will be 20 soon), i've been digging through my pasts and realizing I have a lot of buried memories and experiences that's influenced my negative habits towards myself (intense self harm in particular). I've never trusted therapists and have had them turned away from me because of my mother's influence, so I've never had a chance at recovery. I haven't been able to handle the stress of knowing what happened to me and how its affected me, so I developed a coping mechanism by lying in bed hugging my pillowing and fantasizing about being cuddled and held by a fictional mommy or daddy that i have in my head.

i feel ashamed that i cope in this way and i don't know how to process or help myself deal with these emotions and memories, and I wanna know if it's healthy for me to do these things w/o the help or guidance from a trained therapist. i had a panic attack writing this

 

[Friday]

I don’t have childhood trauma.

Still? I learned a helluva long time ago... Be the person you want to rescue you.

So this?

so I developed a coping mechanism by lying in bed hugging my pillowing and fantasizing about being cuddled and held by a fictional mommy or daddy that i have in my head.

To me? Is just that.

You’re finding your strength, love, compassion for yourself... from within. Hell yeah, that’s a damn good thing.


***

Clearly, if it’s a problem in your life? Then it’s a problem. By definition ;) Which sounds flippant, but really isn’t.

Take daydreaming, as an example, since that a kissing cousin to what we’re talking about.

- Some people can spend 20 hours a day daydreaming. Because of this? Their lives are an absolute wreck. It’s a major problem in their lives. The psychobabble term for this is called ‘maladaptive daydreaming’ or ‘rumination’.
- Other people can spend the same 20 hours a day daydreaming, but it makes their -very full- lives amazing. Because they’re an author. Daydreaming is both their passion and their livelihood, and not in the same universe as ‘maladaptive’.

So the common sense here is to look at your coping mechanisms and see what they’re bringing you & what effect they’re having.

 

[Rani G2]

Other people can spend the same 20 hours a day daydreaming, but it makes their -very full- lives amazing. Because they’re an author. Daydreaming is both their passion and their livelihood, and not in the same universe as ‘maladaptive’.

@Friday.. I read your answers and wonder why I never think like this. I am jealous of your mind...how to think in these ways?

 

[piratelady]

haven't been able to handle the stress of knowing what happened to me and how its affected me, so I developed a coping mechanism by lying in bed hugging my pillowing and fantasizing about being cuddled and held by a fictional mommy or daddy that i have in my head.

When I look back over my childhood, I used to stay alone in my room, trying to escape my family daydreaming and fantasizing about a better life. It got me through that period in my life. As @Friday said, if it becomes maladaptive where it is becoming an interference, it is time to address it. But if it provides comfort and helps you get back into life, then that's a good thing.