Unexpected Anxiety And Cleaning.

[stuff]

I recently (end of December) started seeing a really lovely man, who is caring and compassionate. I am totally happy with the relationship, but I feel like the stress of adjusting to having someone in my life after over five years on my own, combined with life stressors is really hard.

I keep having panic attacks with no real trigger. They send me into a super emotionally aroused state and I keep finding myself obsessively cleaning my house and shampooing carpets. This becomes more upsetting because my mum, who had severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) symptoms, would go into cleaning frenzies and force us to do the same as little kids. I get upset with the cleaning, but at the same time, it seems to be my only current form of self-soothing. I start to worry I have inherited my mom's OCD.

In the meantime, my boyfriend (bf) just wants to help and I don't know what to tell him. I keep apologizing for the panic attacks and he keeps telling me he hasn't noticed and that I am lovely to be around. Inside I feel like I am some kind of monster and I'm filled with a sort of weird feeling of anger and resentment that has nothing to do with my current situation, and I'm so overwhelmed. He just wants to help, but I don't even know where to start when I am explaining to him. I don't want to scare him away. My last relationship was quite abusive and frightening, and this is the exact opposite, but I still feel afraid somewhere inside.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

 

[intothelight]

Hi Stuff,

I don't know if the cleaning has anything to do with obsessive compulsive disorder, and really only a mental health professional could help you with that.

I do know that when I am anxious, that physical activity can help me burn off some of the excess adrenaline. Cleaning the house, working in the yard, going for a walk or other physical activity is helpful. Cleaning the house just may be a way for you to cope with the anxiety.

You might want to try doing some physical activity and see if that helps reduce the cleaning.

Just some thoughts.

 

[piratelady]

I do not have OCD, but when I am really anxious I clean..and clean...and clean. I think ITL is right in saying that physical activity can help with the anxiety and housework is physical.

Regarding your boyfriend not noticing your panic attacks, I think a lot of us are that way. We put on a brave face and appear fine. Yet, on the inside we are anything but. My therapist has even commented that I come in, look fine, but in reality I am struggling greatly. A lot of us are good at masking our feelings. It may be the same for you.

 

[Hashi]

If the cleaning feels obsessive, and it upsets you, then I'm not sure it can be called self-soothing. It sounds like it might be a manifestation of anxiety, and the "soothing" is the fact that you're acting on the anxiety instead of letting it build up any more. I'm only saying this as a possibility, I don't know you and I'm not a therapist. I do relate to obsessions and compulsive behaviours (I have OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and from that perspective, there are things in your post that sound to me like they could be warning signs.

What you said makes me think of my own situation, where I'm focussing on something that I can control because of my anxiety over things that I feel I don't have enough control over, and which make me feel threatened. The problem is, it can escalate to the point where I'm no longer able to "soothe" myself with the distractive behaviour, and that becomes an anxiety in itself because my coping method is no longer working,

Have you talked to a doctor or therapist about this? If it's not obsessive compulsive behaviour, maybe that could set your mind at rest and let you use it as a self-soothing technique without feeling upset about it. If it might be a sign of obsession/compulsion then it would be good to get help with it early on.

In either case, do you think it could help to talk to someone about your feelings about being in a new relationship, and to work on other ways to soothe yourself which don't have difficult associations for you? Really, the cleaning is only a symptom and it's the root cause that you need to address. Your new man sounds wonderful, but often a lot of difficult things can come up in a situation like that. You're not a monster for having things you need to work through, we all do.

 

[stuff]

Thanks guys. I made an appointment with my therapist today. Definitely struggling with something I can't really define.