Unexpected News

[Ghostybear73]

@Solara, I never even thought about the fact that he sent me a text to say he is dying. All I could think of was the "why" of it. I still can't figure out why he told me to begin with. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that he is dying, but to do it by text, that's pretty.....jeesh, I'm at a loss for words. Maybe he was afraid I would hang up on him, which I would have. I found out my mother gave him my number. My mother got my number from my aunt, who got my number from my cousin and so on. I want to tell them all that there is a reason none of you have my number!

 

[DMerish]

To a degree, I disagree about the phrase "nothing's ever simple" - I'm not entirely familiar with your history but, obviously, the relationship between you and your father wasn't warm and fuzzy. A text to convey the news?!? Anyhoo, I also commend you for (1) being true to yourself and (2) delivering a message back that essentially your father asked for. Both took courage.

The only other comment I want to add is that it's it easier (although can be terribly hard) to reconcille one's relationship with somebody before they've died, than afterwards. I know this from my own experience and also from talking to other's that didn't attempt any reconcilliation before the person's death. Just my $0.02.

My thoughts are for your well being and peace.

Drew

 

[littlelostchild]

What a strange and impersonal way to give you that news - I wonder what the point was.

Hey, you need to do what will be best for you in dealing with this information. We are here to support you.

 

[Britt.f7]

When I my grandmother was dying, I told my sister that I could not imagine feeling that amount of grief for my mother or father. My mother and I had a rocky relationship until I was in my thirties and we somewhat reconciled to what each could deal with and love each other for. I really didn't think I was going to hurt to the extent I did when she passed two and a half years ago. However, I was grateful that we reconciled. That we had a chance to state our peace. I didn't harbor anger at her. For me, that was good. I did, however, have a nervous breakdown about 6 months after her death, when her best friend also died. I would never in a million years ever thought that would have happened with her death. But it did. Caught me totally unaware. Since my mother died, my dad has had a few close scares. One shortly after she died. I simply told him if he died I wasn't going to make it, and I surprisingly meant it. If you would have asked me before all of this happened, like when my grandma died, I would never have thought I would behave like I have.

So life isn't simple. Neither is death. Make sure you do what is right for you in the long run. Stating your peace, can't find anything negative to say about that, nor would I want to.

 

[MissKB]

My father (one of my abusers) also became terminal with cancer. I was one of the first to be by his side. We had never spoke of the abuse that had happened when I was a child. At the time of his illness I had only 2 friends that knew the secret. They both confronted me about being there for him. All I could say was he IS my father and somehow in some stupid way I loved him still. BUT when he realized that he was going to die and we seriously discussed it; I REALLY THOUGHT he would apologize to me. Not get into a discussion about what and why but just a simple "I'm sorry". Nope that didn't come. That hurt just as much as the sexual abuse all those years ago. I don't know why I was so shocked by the kind of person he was.

Geez that was in 2000 and I am right now just bawling like a baby. I hate the power this disease has over me. I WANT IT GONE!