Hello,
I keep staring at my phone and haven't been able to put the right words together... I have big changes in my life right now and it is triggering old haunts.
My boyfriend surprised me yesterday with news some people would like, he is buying land for us to build our house...and build our lives. I would be more excited if it wasn't across miles of ocean. I reminded him I had a bad experience and refuse to ever get on a plane...he can pick me up at the dock instead! If he really loves me, he won't get upset? Uh...he said just take a sleeping pill, we won't crash. (Secretly, his words made me sad.) We never discussed the accident in detail but he knows the ugliness no makeup can hide was from a crash. He loves my heart more than my appearance. I thought I'd be alone forever. Paradise found?
I wake up with panic attacks and the experience is still with me. My life was changed forever. My husband didn't like being married to a freak. I've been a recluse cat lady for several depressing years. I've talked to a counselor to try to deal with grief. It numbs slightly with time, until I wake up with anxiety. I've accepted I was put back together as good as they could with what they had to work with...and the results aren't pretty. Someone else accepts me as I am!!!!, but am I being too sensitive to his insensitivity? Paradise lost? Am I overreacting? I would panic so much on a plane I'd embarrass us both. I would have a heart attack, no joke. I felt relief knowing I'd never fly again. I want to be normal.
We may go camping tomorrow night and have a serious talk. I want to stand my ground and express myself so he understands...that means I have to talk about hard things. I hope I can do this and keep my composure. I keep some details to myself because the words get stuck. A lot of people lived, but many died. If I could put it into words, he might have a better insight into my feelings.
I have my mind stuck in the past more than usual, not healthy for me. The future of being happy with someone was doing wonders for me mentally! At my age (55) it's hard to find a soul mate. We've been friends a few years, no problems, until I added my fear of flying into things. Am I crazy to wave "aloha, babe!" if he continues to have such little compassion? I think I'm too sensitive. I always downplayed the details but it was extremely bad. The news articles mom saved could've spoken for me but I threw them away after she passed away.
I never healed inside. I don't want this to hold me back forever. If I can get myself together, I can have a more normal life and enjoy it.
Thank you for letting me join your community, I don't know anyone who can relate to the mental effects of trauma. Best wishes to each person here!
I keep staring at my phone and haven't been able to put the right words together... I have big changes in my life right now and it is triggering old haunts.
My boyfriend surprised me yesterday with news some people would like, he is buying land for us to build our house...and build our lives. I would be more excited if it wasn't across miles of ocean. I reminded him I had a bad experience and refuse to ever get on a plane...he can pick me up at the dock instead! If he really loves me, he won't get upset? Uh...he said just take a sleeping pill, we won't crash. (Secretly, his words made me sad.) We never discussed the accident in detail but he knows the ugliness no makeup can hide was from a crash. He loves my heart more than my appearance. I thought I'd be alone forever. Paradise found?
I wake up with panic attacks and the experience is still with me. My life was changed forever. My husband didn't like being married to a freak. I've been a recluse cat lady for several depressing years. I've talked to a counselor to try to deal with grief. It numbs slightly with time, until I wake up with anxiety. I've accepted I was put back together as good as they could with what they had to work with...and the results aren't pretty. Someone else accepts me as I am!!!!, but am I being too sensitive to his insensitivity? Paradise lost? Am I overreacting? I would panic so much on a plane I'd embarrass us both. I would have a heart attack, no joke. I felt relief knowing I'd never fly again. I want to be normal.
We may go camping tomorrow night and have a serious talk. I want to stand my ground and express myself so he understands...that means I have to talk about hard things. I hope I can do this and keep my composure. I keep some details to myself because the words get stuck. A lot of people lived, but many died. If I could put it into words, he might have a better insight into my feelings.
I have my mind stuck in the past more than usual, not healthy for me. The future of being happy with someone was doing wonders for me mentally! At my age (55) it's hard to find a soul mate. We've been friends a few years, no problems, until I added my fear of flying into things. Am I crazy to wave "aloha, babe!" if he continues to have such little compassion? I think I'm too sensitive. I always downplayed the details but it was extremely bad. The news articles mom saved could've spoken for me but I threw them away after she passed away.
I never healed inside. I don't want this to hold me back forever. If I can get myself together, I can have a more normal life and enjoy it.
Thank you for letting me join your community, I don't know anyone who can relate to the mental effects of trauma. Best wishes to each person here!