But you're not unemployed - you care for a whole bunch of children and bloke. That's a double trouble full time job imo. :cautious: :hilarious:
But you're not unemployed - you care for a whole bunch of children and bloke. That's a double trouble full time job imo. :cautious::hilarious:
^Yes it is. Well said there.I guess I'm grieving my loss of capacity, but isn't that the nature of this beast we have in common here?
The truth is, I don't want to be around people, much, anymore. They stress me out, they exhaust me, they destabilize me
I prefer solitude or just the company of my guy and small spells of my kiddos.
I used to have such a thirst to serve, to connect, to reach out, to feel included, but I've lost hope that that is something that is ever going to feel safe, sustainable or enriching for me.
Perhaps this is just the aftershock of being as unwell as I've been the last couple of years, combined with a series of miscarriages and other losses, too many losses. It could be just grief and failure talking.
^Yes it is. Well said there.
^Me neither I completely understand. But at the same time I'm being encouraged by my psydoc and T to get out there.
^Me too. Solitude and living with myself has become quite addictive. I find it easier in so many ways. But it does have it's drawbacks. Confusing at times... I know.
^Again, I completely agree. For me it's a lost cause too. I've found it hard to adjust.
^I'm so sorry you have so much grief.
I hope you will find a way forward where you can begin to be happier.
think they would like to get to know me, but I'm too afraid. I think "they don't know the REAL me, when they find out what I'm REALLY like, they won't like me or else they will want to use me".
Exploitation has been a reoccurring theme in my life as well , and when I'm no longer happy to be exploited and used, I'm quickly discarded.
This really rings true for me. Thank you @Ronin :-).(In the mean time, as that kind of big overhaul waiting sucks so badly)... You don’t share that culture and its views, though.
I think that means you are already out, where it might matter most: Your heart/mind.
The rest will, as you said, come along in time. :sneaky:
It sounds like you are doing well with it :-) @fern.I relate to this so much, you have no idea. I wish I had a tangible answer, or something I could tell you that I knew would help. I always feel like an outsider, and always have that fear when people seem interested in me that if they really knew me, they would either lose interest or want to exploit me.
I try be aware of when I'm feeling this way, so I can remind myself that its unrealistic. Of course, feelings dont follow logic but when I tell myself something isnt rational, that's an reminder that I dont have to place conscious energy into these beliefs by looking for evidence to validate the story it tells. You know what I mean?
I struggle with this a lot so the best I have managed to do is interrupt the thoughts tied to these beliefs and try to shift them before they go down to a bad place. Then I try to be compassionate toward myself as well.